already 2nd day of work at deli. i'm enjoying it. =) the pay is really pathetic. but God make me see others too..His perspective is always different from ours. and my colleagues have been so gracious to me, that i am touched. God really opened my eyes and broadened my mind to recognise this. so grateful. dont really understand my purpose in being there at this point in time, but i believe God knows and i pray that He will reveal it to me.
to be aligned to his will, wherever i may be, i want to be aligned to His will.
so malu! i received a call from James a while ago and because it was a house no, i did not know who he was at first. So i just anyhow guess, well, not really anyhow guess cos i uttered someone's name! gosh....i dunno what i was thinking! perhaps i was anticipating a call from that someone! wishful thinking lor! haha...i'm so
malu-ed ....and amused at my own pressumption....haiyo....haha.....
i'm reminded by James to think like a girl (committee stuff)...i inevitably will..cos i am a girl..
that aside, i feel so spiritually dry. i dunno if the YAs in my church felt the same. i really think that we need to tap into God's resources and power MORE. feel that we are not pressing into the presence of God enough. we want to see miracles, signs and wonders! we gotta press on! press in! to the holy presence of God. somehow i feel that i do not have enough of God. I want more of God. God i want MORE.
There must be more than this
Spirit of God
Fill us anew we pray
God have your way!
Do u feel the same? let's continue to press on into the presence of God. We need to tap into God's power. We need to worship God in spirit and in truth. Let us not be contented with where we are.
God we need you!
writer's note: this entry was first construed on April 11 2006 after much pondering, much questioning about my own religion (Christianity) and after some satisfactory answers. and the above title as the conclusion reached. all these would not have been possible without God.
my suggestion is that if after reading, you still don't get it, test it!
Christianity is not a blind faith. It did not intend to be one.
_________________________________________________________
My understanding of Christianity- the Christian beliefs..
"For God did not send his Son (Jesus) to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him." -John 3:17
not to condemn, but to save.
and this simple truth, i only begin to understand it now. and its implications.
i know God sent Jesus to die on the cross becos he loved us, and wants us to return back to him.
The message of the gospel is love.
not condemnation.
God is always reaching out to man. Yet, he has also given us free choice, to choose him or not choose him.
that is a profound truth to me. which led me to conclude; which religion is so confident of its truth that it gives free choice?
and how does the bible explains this freedom of choice to choose God?
"Whoever believes in Him (Jesus) is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only son (Jesus)."
"This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God." -John 3:18-21
Christianity, as we believers know, is not a religion. It is a personal relationship with the one and only, true and living God. the very definition of religion is construed by men. they classify all beliefs pertaining to God and the supernatural as religion. social construction? if u put it this way and say that Christianity is a religion, how about if i say that Christianity is more than a religion?
to me, it's more than rituals, singing worship songs, going to church, studying the bible, identifying myself as a Christian and identifying myself with my church or other Christians.
it's more than that.
it cannot be more basic.
It is a relationship with God. Free access to him 24/7. and to be?
a child of God.
"Yet to all who received Him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God-- children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God." -John 1:12-13
i know perhaps, all these may sound radical and unbelievable to u. I did not believe it too when i first heard this.
but as i begin to search for hope in my life and what i am here on earth for... to be born, live and die?
i found a more convincing answer in Christianity, an answer most probably the closest i know of than to other religions, to the truth. and what does Christianity tells me about my purpose in life?
You are created for a purpose.
You are created for God.
" The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else. From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth: and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each of us. For in him, we live and move and have our being. As some of your own poets have said, we are his offspring." -Acts 17:24-28
How can i know this for sure u ask. have u ever wondered why u are here on earth? and how u came about? who created u? who created ur parents, grandparents? where did man come from?
apes?
dinosaurs?
u really think so?
so, what makes u different from the animals?
what makes human so unique?
who made you?
do u believe u really live on earth today, just to be born...and die? and then? a life like that, gone in several decades? where do u go after death?
i always fear death bcos i know i will be forever separated from my family, i wont be able to come back to live on earth anymore. i have to leave everything on earth, behind, behind. and i live, only to die?
isnt there any greater purpose in my existence than just live and die?
how does Christianity views this?
Jesus said : " I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life." -John 5:24
it is for our eternal life that God sent his son Jesus to die on the cross, 2000 years ago.
"For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life."
whoever is whoever?
u and i.
anyone.
How can u accept this beautiful gift of God into ur life?
by admitting we have sinned against God, resolve to turn away from our sins and accepting Jesus Christ as our Lord and Saviour.
The choice is yours. God gave us free choice. but if you choose God, you are for God. If you do not choose him, you are against him. God interprets anything other than a yes, a NO. YES or NO. there can be no sitting on the fence.
"Whoever believes in Him (Jesus) is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only son (Jesus)." -John 3:18
why does God wants us to choose u may ask.
"Jesus answered, I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit." -John 3:5
with my limited understanding of the meaning of this verse, i take this verse to mean the water baptism and the baptism of the Holy Spirit, that a believer of Jesus Christ must go through, in order to enter the kingdom of God (heaven). Unless you are 'born' again, you cannot enter the kingdom of God. 'Born' again to me means to, make a personal decision to accept Jesus as Lord and Saviour. and when you've made that decision, God's spirit dwells in you. The water baptism is a public declaration that one has decided to follow Jesus Christ all the days of his/her life.
(ps: i do recognise my very limited bible knowledge, so if there is any misinterpretation, dear fellow believers, please correct me. dear readers, i apologise if there will be any wrong biblical interpretation, i'm still learning to learn....)
because of sin that entered the world when Adam and Eve sinned, death came to all men- All men will die. This is because the price of sin was death.
Jesus paid the full price for the sins of everyone who might come to believe, when he obeyed God the Father and died on the cross.
He resurrected 3 days later. and showed himself to the disciples that He is indeed the Son of God. Jesus is now sitting at the right hand power of God in heaven, watching over this world he died for 2000 years ago. He is with the Father.
and now, all u have to do is to come and receive this gift of eternal life. To receive Jesus Christ into your life. The message that was proclaimed 2000 years ago is still true today. That's because Jesus died and rose again! Today, He lives! For those who may come to believe him, he paid the penalty of their sins for them. now all that they have to do, is to acknowledge and receive him.
Jesus answered, " I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father (God) except through me." -John 14:6
yesh. God has enabled me to dream again and to be filled with passion for the things he has called me to. put the dreams and passion together, God's vision for this world is revealed. do u know what it is?and yest's 'tossing and turn' night was spent thinking about these things. I was excited! If these came true, would be so cool! it's really an honour and privilege to be able to partner God in these endeavours! i believe God showed me these, not for showing sake. and i'm so excited! At the things that God will want me to do. to the qn -will i be able to do the task well? - my answer will be a "dunno, not sure, not confident of results." and how many of you know that this qn is often inconsequential to God? God likes to ask this qn instead, "Will you do it?""My child, will you do it?"and how many of you know before we answer, God says to us,
"Trust me, and I'll do it."
hey Tristan, i saw this psalm and was reminded of what you commented,
Wait for the Lord,
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.
-Psa 27:14
(thanks for reminding me of God's word. i dont think i know u. do i?)
in the midst of losing my way, and looking through psalms in the bible today, i find this describes my thoughts quite concisely,
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for i will yet praise Him,
my Saviour and my God.
-psa 42:11
and now...i just wanna say a big AMEN! and HALLELUJAH! I wanna Rejoice in my Lord! i know there is still much uncertanity ahead of me, circumstances that will threaten to overwhelm me, relationships with others may remain less than satisfactory and that challenges ahead of me will multiply, but i will still choose to trust in my God. I know he will deliver me. I want to declare to the Devil that i do not need his help! My help comes from the Lord and i am helped.
there is still much for me to learn, to grow and to mature in my Christian walk. i have become lazier along the way. I was just a believer. Now i yearn to be a disciple. What must a disciple do?
The he (Jesus) said to them all, " If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." -Luke 9:23
deny myself
take up cross daily
follow Jesus
u may ask if i have a hard time being a Christian....it seems like doesn't it? actually it is a NO.
I have a God who shares my burdens and listen to my worries.
The companionship of Him is the best thing that ever happened to me.
i've lost the dream, the vision and the passion for the things of God.why?because i've been dwelling in myself and my problems all this while.I've lost the dream, the vision and the passion.God help me find the way back to you again.
i believe a blog can be a learning environment. i remember the times where i got comments by friends who question, challenge, advise or air their views about my entries. And because of that i've learnt to look at things from other perspectives. and it showed me how they perceived, understood and interpreted my blog. and most of the times, they provide me with more scope for consideration and help me to ponder upon why i wrote the things i wrote.
like i heard from one of my couz that she found my blog very different from who she knows me to be. She said my blog gave her the feeling that i was a very bad person. and when i got to know more about why she said that, i explained to her my rationale for the way i wrote in my blog. and i guessed it allowed her to know me better too. and so....
I believe it is important for me to know how my readers feel about my blog. why ah? i think i just want to be assured that my blog readers perceive the content i wrote, the way i intended...then again, is it to feed my ego or to obtain approval from men?
learning from one another should be the key.
so do feel free to comment on my blog k.
=)
and there have been friends i know who read my blog whom i have not been in contact with already. i know this because of the blog tracker. I think u know who u are...do u?
for one of u, i just wanna say, i've realised that i've deleted your link from my blog quite sometime ago bcos P said ur blog got virus. yup... but to J, i just wanna let u know now i read ur blog too. and though i do not fully know what led to what you are feeling now, i hope that u'll continue to seek God ya? don't give up on ur faith. Jesus does not condemn you, so don't condemn yourself. You were created to be a woman of God, for God. Do not let the devil deceive you into believing you're anyone lesser.
God bless.
and we're still friends. if you need someone to talk to, feel free to contact me ya....thou i know we aint close...
=)
i woke up at 11 am. washed up. read cleo for reading sake. read the bible, romans. all the way to 1plus...then went to dao bao prawn noodles from the coffeeshop behind. ate and watched TV...and stoned. the Tv shows weren't particularly nice but i watched anyway bcos i had nothing else more attractive to do! watched till i finally decided to stop and realised that the living room was very dirty. So i switched off the Tv and started to vacuum. and then i went on to vacuum my room, threw away old files and notes and changed my bedsheet. then it was already 4 pm. i promised my friend to have dinner with her at 5.30 at bugis! I was running late!! but i decided to finish all i was doing and have a quick shower. still i was late. cos i never have a quick shower by the way! haha...i think the only time was during last year's church youth camp where we had to be out of the shower in like 5 mins??!! haha...still rem my camp mates standing outside my shower room and hurrying me to get out after barely 3 mins! ooopss... that was because us girls were using the guys shower room. haha....it is ironic how the girls have more shower rooms than the guys but still took forever to shower, while the guys have lesser shower rooms and yet ...all of them got bathed by the stipulated time. haiz...is it just girls or it is the guys who are fast? haha... okok...so i was late...reached bugis around 6pm!!! my lateness has 'killed' me so many times already! was really paiseh that i am always late. yes guys and girls, i do feel paiseh to keep you guys waiting. i will try not to be late. i will definitely try. =) had dinner with Lisheng (girl) from church and went for interview at Fin-exis. Fin-exis is also where she is working at. So before that, she briefed me a little about the company. However, because i was called to attend the interview and had not applied for the job, i did not take the whole interview seriously. i dressed formally and brought along my resume and qualifications and looked up the company website, but i was not eager in gaining employment there. i guessed the orientation they gave did not help much in helping me to make a decision. After that, i was still apprehensive if i really wanted to work in this company. I really did not know what job i wanted. The company, on the other hand, was already planning to interview and select candidates to work in their company. After taking the aptitude test,each of us were interviewed by a staff. I was interviewed by one of the managers. He started to ask me questions like what is my ideal career, what i've learnt from the orientation etc. Questions which would help him gauge whether i would be the right person for their company. and i couldn't even answer these basic questions. because i don't know what i want. I know i need a job but i dunno what i want. His questions made me question myself. Instead of answers, my mind was filled with question marks! not surprisingly, he did most of the talking while i was still figuring out my thoughts. i think the interview lasted for about 10 mins. after the interview, i knew i would not be called back for a 2nd interview. Actually, i knew it during the interview. it's weird how i seem to know the answer and yet not know. after i left the company, i suddenly felt so lost. i was thinking to myself "Man, i really dunno what i want! Do i want a job? Is this job what i want? what do i really want in a job?" lost lost lost...really lost in my thoughts. and the questions that the manager asked were questions i should already have answers to! but i don't. what do i really want? graduates like me are making plans for their future....some have jobs already, some busy going for interviews after interviews and know what jobs they want. and i don't. don't have any plans. no idea where i should head or what i should do. i just know that i need to find a job to support myself. how long can i last like this? should i let circumstances define my career or should i define my own career in spite of circumstances? it is a constant dilemma. and i also thought about which career i take, that would allow me to fulfil God's will for my life. I want to hear God's loud YES or NO to a career i should take. Yet i hear none. i think God wants me to make the choice? really lost about what i should do now. perhaps i just need to be assured by God that i am still walking in His will. (不管社会怎么看, 怎么变, 我只需要你在我身边. )
cos i am happiest when i know the Lord is walking with me, every step of the way. Lord, your will be done. =)
i've finally confirmed the fact that i am a quiet girl by nature. I used to think that i like to talk and am very talkative. but when i am being myself, i am quiet. i like to be in my own world of thoughts....being quiet. i don't like to tell others my thoughts unless really necessary. I like to think by myself. Am i really a people person then? haha.don't be surprised if u see me dwell in my own quietness and in stoning mode! i can take the solititude. i know some can't!!!
i'm still in the process of sorting my thoughts. and getting them right and focused on where they should be focused at.
if you can pray for me k!
God bless you all!
=)
The view of Penang. Taken from the temple. awesome isn't it?everyday is a precious gift from God, embrace it!
don't just see the problems, look at the blessings!
i'm so mad now, today.i guess too much time on my hands means too much time to fume too!so angry.it all started i guess when i went with my bro to NUS's mac for lunch.a girl dunno how splash her iced milo all over the floor...and it splashed onto me..on my tee shirt and on my arms.it was an ugly sight.funny then i did not flare up. i was more concerned with cleaning up the milo on my body.she apologised...but what can i say?"it's okay."actually it is not.later on i discovered strands of my hair were sticky ....eeks! i was so angry!!!i have to wash my hair again??!!!so i was complaining to my brother. He apparently told me there wasn't any milo on my hair when i asked him. i knew it would have splashed onto my hair!!!!!!i was really irritated...!!!!to the core.....so i kept grumbling to my brother who obviously did not sympathise!from that one incident, i became grouchy the whole day.and i guess my brother is still the only one who can make me so frustrated!!!!!ahhh!!!!!!!!!!!
irritating!!!!!!!!
everything to me is irritating now!!!!!!!
the frustrating me just cannot find anything good to say.smile disappear. irritated look all over.and it seems my family members are the ones who always get it.brother, can u don't be so irritating!!!!!!!????can u be less bad-tempered?can u be less accusory?keep quiet does not mean i totally agree with what u say.I'm keeping quiet because i know no better way.will u ever understand?WILL u let me say my piece?can you hear the me inside? and stop reacting to my words?can you hear the me inside?i'm frustrated because no one seems to hear the me inside. no one, not even close ones.God, do you know?
i hope none of u will catch me in this mood. i know i'll regret it more if more of u do. I thank God my family members will still be my family members even after if i flare up at them. But i want to stop abusing that. It is not for me to abuse anyway. They are God's. I have to keep reminding myself this. i begin to realise i am not able to do anything constructive when i am angry. What have i done today?
anger is ok, as an emotion. anger is not ok when it becomes aggressive or abusive or self-endangering behaviour. i know when i look back on this incident, i will regret my own silly n critical behaviour towards my family members. with friends, i will still choose to walk away or avoid the problem. 1 person upset, better than 2. so please leave me alone when i am angry k. i'll not bother to explain to you cos i will have nothing good to say. stay away. let me be alone, with God.anger is often more than anger alone
anger is a cry for understanding...
"How foolish is it for a person to live an impure life and expect the blessings of a pure and holy God."
-Guest Pastor from Calcutta at YA service
rem my post during the exams that i'm very amazed by God? but i haven't got time then to elaborate... and now whilst i am free...i shall go on to explain. every sem's exams would be a very trying time for me. and it is not bcos of the amount of cramming or last min studying i have to do. all that are not as intimidating as the circumstances that surround them. So the days leading up to the exams would always be a high strung period of stress. It was very trying, trying to stay focused and well...not get overly stressed up. This sem's exam was no exception. I did studied ...and was able to concentrate on studying late every night. but they were all very last min work. For each module i only had time and the mental capacity to study 2 or 3 topics. at most. being so ill-prepared... as always, i did not harbour hopes of attaining As and Bs, just that i'll do well enough to graduate or even better to be considered for honours. Seriously though, i knew the chances were slim. i was really ill-prepared. and i remarked to my friends that i'll have to pray more than study! yes, i did prayed a lot. no, i did not pray for good grades...cos my mentality was i shouldn't ask for something i don't deserve. it was my fault for not studying in advance, how could i ask for good grades? perhaps some would disagree, but that was what i thought. and so, for each paper, i just prayed for God's peace to be with me, keep my mind alert and to help me to do my best. and the amazing thing was not limited to only the above 3 being answered. the most amazing thing was that for every paper, even though i was seriously ill-prepared, the questions that i saw on my exam papers were questions that i had either studied for, or was able to do!!! i was really amazed when i first looked at the questions. and the amazing thing was, it happened for all the papers! i was just so elated and grateful that i could do all the questions. The concern for the grades i will get became secondary. i was so grateful, contented. Nothing else seemed to matter. whether the answers i had given were right or wrong, how much i have managed to write or how much i did not manage to finish, didn't matter anymore. i was just so amazed by the exams questions themselves. how was it that they were questions i could answer? when all i've studied were self and randomly selectively few. how could it be? and why would it be that i was able to answer them? These questions still ring in my head today. The most satisfactory and in fact, logical answer to me is that God above made all these possible. having said all that, I dunno what kind of responses would be generated from people who read my blog. would you perceive it as mere coincidence? or would you say "she's one lucky girl"? one of my close friends once asked me how i know if things are mere coincidence or from God... to be frank, i am not sure how to answer that. but 1 thing i am sure, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." -Matt 19:26 when things are beyond a man's control...e.g death, illness, accidents, exam questions, health, lofty dreams...... who decides when you'll fall sick? who decides when you will die?who decides how much wealth you will have in a lifetime? who decides your years on earth? who can heal you when you fall sick? who can raise a dead man to life? who gives wealth and prosperity? who can add years to your life? does fate or destiny decides all that? who decides your fate and destiny? has there got to be a greater divine being, other than you and me?
The day is yours, and yours also the night;
you established the sun and moon.
It was you who set all the boundaries of the earth;
you made both winter and summer.
-Psa 74:16-17
woke up at 9.30am...
went school to print evan drama gig script...it's finally out!
reached clementi at 1pm to meet Jess n Su Teck for lunch and ktv at kbox.
went church for drama practice.
reached home at 10.30pm.
watched DA CHANG JINg!!!
reflections done with a tired mind....haa..now i am here. tired.a day.almost 5 hours of ktv..wow. somehow i realise the enjoyment of singing the same old songs over and over again (the concept of ktv) fades with the frequency of visits.... u agree? and ktv now to me becomes like a fav pastime...just to pass time..good for catching up with friends, actually not really, unless the mike is off. the company matters too. who u sing with can make a difference to how u'll behave. singing with Su Teck n Jess ....i'll behave..like myself. ask them. haha....friendship...woes.how long is "forever friends"?is there such a thing nowadays?how do you define friends?how do you know who are not?is friendship sustained by common goals, beliefs and values or more?or do the differences in character and personality and pet peeves sustain one?do friends really accept one another?is true acceptance the role of a friend or true friend?can a crack in friendship ever be mended?do a friendship remain if left untouched for too long?how honest should one be with one's friends? Su Teck, Jess.liked the time spent with them today, where i'm allowed to be myself. totally. i dunno how many times have u felt suppressed of your true self. i have. many times. sometimes, so much and so long, that i've forgotten who i really am. scary rite? but i do feel that way. young adult identity crisis? haaaa......so i appreciate friends who let me be who i am, accepts me for who i am. the good and the bad. the happy and the depressed. Both. times like these where i don't have to prove myself, or to explain for my actions and behaviour. freeing up to be who i really am. uncensored. trust n respect. haa..i'm secretly hoping i am such a friend to them too. it's impt now i know, acceptance doesn't mean agreeing on everything, it means agreeing to disagree. do i make sense? but when the disagreeing becomes larger than the agreeing.....erm......i also dunno what to do le..one of my close friends (Xun Yu) left for M'sia this morn. without me. sob sob. i thot we were supposed to go together. nvm...she said it was a last min decision and she sensed that God wanted her to go. who am i to hold her back? and i believe God have something good in store for her there, thou we both dunno what. we are putting our faith in Him.drama.i guess the most evident place where DIFFERENCES, DIVERSITY n VARIETY are appreciated.would u watch a play where all actors act in the same way, say the same lines? and today during drama, i think differences are meant to be appreciated, and to be complemented. rather than something to be put down. God created each and everyone of us as different individuals. There has to be a greater purpose, than just a reason or excuse for conflicts/ disagreement. realise that coming together to piece the show together, get our act together is indeed tough and may i also add to that, humbling. have to consider group interest above self. consider the bigger picture. there's room for creativity, but it is limited and restricted also to group interest and the bigger picture. i have lots to learn, in terms of submitting to authority and respect that authority over me. an area i always have difficulties in. but it depends on who's the authority. ah....that's the problem, do u see.dunno if i am making sense in the statements above....haha...i'd reread and edit when i'm fresher.something i think i got to bear in mind with regards to the friendship woes that i think i have;Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord how many times shall i forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times? Jesus answered, " I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times."..............This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart. -Matt 18:21-22, 35
after YA (young adult) service today, i took the mrt to clementi to meet my couz, Tina, for dinner. on the train, as it was quite crowded, i stood near the door. On my left and right were 2 male Indian nationals. I think they were foreign workers, cos they didn't look local. I kinda stood in between the 2 of them, with around 2 'persons' spacing apart far from them (in distance). All this while i stood with my arms folded across my chest, holding on to my shoulder bag. They kinda viewed me from time to time. Noticing that folding my arms may be perceived as a defensive stance, i put down my hands. One hand in pocket, the other holding on to my bag. They continued to view me from time to time. I did that too. Looking at their faces, i could not help but was filled with empathy for them. I could see in their eyes, longing for acceptance, for security. They seemed to view everything around them with suspicion, taking in everything with a pinch of salt. They looked uncomfortable, felt like they did not belong. Nor were the things they see belonging to them. I seemed to feel what they feel. If i was correct that is. So i said a little prayer for them. I prayed that God will touch them and fill them with His love. This was uttered inside my mind. after that.......At one particular stop, 2 ladies (one auntie) came towards the door we were at, waiting to alight. the moment the auntie stopped in front of me, she immediately covered her nose with one of her hands. the other lady held a finger to her nose, somehow rubbing it. They did this till the mrt door opened, and alighted. I waited to look at the expression on the 2 nationals' faces. When i looked at them, one of them lowered his head, while the other looked at me and looked away, with a tinge of skeptisim, mixed with distrust and displeasure.At the nationals' reactions, i felt so ashamed. Ashamed of what my fellow Singaporean compatriot did.inside my tiny head, i was repeating "You are worthy in Jesus's name. You are worthy in Jesus's name." I felt the Holy Spirit leading me to this thought. And i wanted so badly to say it to them. i kept thinking this thought. Lord let them know they are worthy. "You are worthy in Jesus's name." I looked at them, repeating this thought, wishing somehow, they would get my msg. God's msg.At another stop, another lady came near the door, rubbed her nose, and alighted. At this, by this, the nationals' faces showed resignation, dejection. Somehow, i felt that they were very hurt by these reactions, yet they were helpless. what could they do except to bear with it? they looked away, even avoiding my gaze.i looked at them, earnestly and honestly. i did not want to shun them away with my reaction. I stood, with both feet firm to the ground. I stood firm. I stood tall. I did not smell anything, trust me. i was thinking my nose was probably not functioning well, i took a sniff, but i smelled no odour, or anything bad! I stood my ground, i did not want to move an inch, did not want them to think i was shunning them too. i had no reason to shun them. I did not want to. Jesus did not.upon reaching my stop, i had a sudden urge to tell them "You are worthy in Jesus's name"/"You are worthy in Jesus's eyes". I thought i felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to say this. I had a sudden urge and deep desire to want to say it to them. Let them know Jesus doesn't shun them. Let them know Jesus loves them.when the door opened at clementi.....somehow, like all others before me, i passed them by, without saying a word. i walked out of the door, saying nothing. i regretted it almost instantly when i was out. Why did i not say it? face issue? social conformity at work?pride!!! i admit all these played a part. i was fearful of being labelled weird if i talk to them. Thing is, they are also humans!!! why do i fear what others think if i know what i am doing is right? still, my pride got in the way and i kept quiet. (pouts) perhaps they have never heard anything like that before. perhaps no one has ever shown them that kind of love before. perhaps they did not know that, someone UP there loves them. Loves them.I told Esther before that i think i have a burden for the foreign workers in Singapore. bcos whenever i see them, the expression on their tired faces never fail to pull the strings of my heart. my heart would go out to them. I would feel like helping them, trying to understand them and give them the help they need (social work perhaps). each time, i would be filled with sympathy for them. amidst the perceived fear of crime committed by some foreign workers (rape, molest etc.) i had heard about such cases. but my sympathy for them did not diminish nor lessen. to me, they are people in need of help. Esther told me then, perhaps, if God leads, that could be my ministry. i do not know if that would be the case. i just know, i still feel for them...not bcos i have a bigger heart than you......but bcos...............Jesus has a bigger love.A bigger heart.Than us, humans.I know the God who lives inside of me yearns to bring people to him.yearns to love people, men and women. boys and girls. young and old. His people.Jesus's love is inclusive.If you believe Jesus loves you, you'll know He loves not only you.he also loves your brother. your neighbour. your friend.your enemy.people who do not like him.he loves.dear brothers and sisters in Christ, the next time u see a person in need of love in his / her life and if the Spirit prompts, are you going to pass them by or are u going to extend the love of God that is inside you to him or her?what would Jesus do?"We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, I love God, yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother."
-1 John 4:19-21
Jesus, He lives inside of me- if you believe this, know this, You'll know his heartbeat for people. With him in you, you already have the capacity you need to love. =) just needs u to activate it..
(Side track: i love Singapore!!!!!!! suddenly i am aware of the blessedness of living in Singapore and being a Singaporean. i know our country is blessed. i know Singaporeans are blessed. don't wanna take that for granted! counting my blessings. knowing they come from above. ;) loving the times i spent with my couz, Xun Yu, Joyce and Jess, Jennifer, at YA, in church, at Faithacts, in Nus, in social work, with non-social work friends. i'm so grateful for these times. i feel so blessed. well, i have a great God, that's why!heeee...)
You are worthy in Jesus's eyes.
Dear Grace, received your sms. i would pray for you here; so that u know what i prayed for u. =)Dear God,I pray for your protection and blessings to be upon Grace even as she enters this phase of her studies. Lord, you know her fears, concerns and worries. i pray that you'll continue to hold her and guide her through, even through the many unknowns. i pray that you'll continually remind her of your great and never ending love, a renewable resource that will never run dry and will be offered and given freely to her whenever she asks of you. Lord i also pray that you'll be her confidence, her rock and her light. Lord, i pray that you'll be the firm foundation on which her life is built upon. i pray that you'll give her insight into your perspective of things and remind her that You are good and that you work all things for the good of those who loves you. Abba Father, strengthen her faith in you. Teach her to hope in You. be her spiritual covering Lord. Empower her to stand strong even in the bad and trying times. Teach her how she can resist temptations and from listening to the Devil's lies, give her a discerning mind so that she will stay away from things which can jeopardise her r/s with you. i pray for your peace to be with her each time she needs it. Help her to recognise and see your blessings and your grace. Lord i also pray for a teachable heart. I pray that she will begin to see that beyond her circumstances, there lies a greater purpose and plan for her life. A purpose and plan that only You can offer. Amen. Thank you Lord. May you also keep and bless her family. help them to stay together in your love. May your love continue to be their strength and pillar of support. i pray that you'll grant Grace favour with her future colleagues, school friends,cell members and the pastors. honour her, Lord, as she honours you. May you continue to work in her, to help her grow and become the woman you've called her to be. Hallelujah! Praise God! In Jesus's precious name i give thanks and pray, Amen!
I will give you glory and honour
I will lift my hands to praise You
and exalt Your holy name
For You are great
You do mighty wonders Lord
There is no one else like You
There is no one else like You
This song was sung last sunday in church during the adult service. I was so touched when this song was sung that tears welled up. they were tears of gratitude. i was reminded of all that God has done for me, since i accepted Jesus as my Lord and Saviour.
Jesus is really my Saviour, my hero. (so proud of Him!!!)
He saved me from my world of insecurity and uncertainty. Saved me from the clutches of dark, demonic forces. Snatched me from the gates of hell. Took my burden as His.
Instead,
Jesus showed me he loved me, more than i love myself. I could feel his love for me even when i hate myself. Jesus showed me He was there listening when i poured out all my sorrow, concerns, doubts and hurts. He always comforts me with His presence. He lets me know He has never left me, even when everybody else have left. He gives me his peace when i had none. He told me He loves me when no one does. He loves me with a love that was so much for me to bear. Loves me so much i told him, God, You are more than enough for me. You are more than enough for me.
He gave me hope and a reason to live. Because of that, my life was filled with hope. Even with the much uncertainties ahead, He told me to put my hope in Him. He told me he has a hope for me, plans to prosper and not to harm. Even when i have strayed away from Him, took no heed of His commandments or was ignorant, or have failed miserably in my studies, or have done badly in my job, He still assured me of His love. He lets me know He still loves me, and had never withdrew His love for me.
Indeed, God is so good to me. He've showed me time and again how much He loves me, even when i was deep in my trepasses (sins). Then, He already had me in mind. He knew my name. He knew the number of hairs on my head. He knew me when i was in my mother's womb.
Yes Lord, what is man that you are mindful of him?
who am i that you love me so much?
that you, my king, that you, the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords, came to die for me, to die for all mankind.
how can it be?
there is no logic.
it doesn't make human sense.
no human mind can conceive how much God loves us.
It is true we can never measure how much God loves us.
Even as i am typing all these, tears are rolling down my eyes. rapidly. i am not tearing bcos i am sad. i am tearing because i am so touched by God's love for me. His love is so tangible. It reaches the core of my heart.
It is deep with my soul.
Every part of me seems to feel that love with one accord.
Thus, every part of me is sincerely grateful.
How great You are, How great You are.......
Like a rose, trampled on the ground......
You took the fall, and thought of me
Above all...
and i'm forever grateful for you my Lord.
below are written to give you some context for my thoughts:
a series of talks had been arranged in my church re: the issue of the Davinci Code. Our church is very concerned that many Christians in our church might be stumbled by this book and film that is coming out soon. This is because this film talks about Christianity as part of the church's conspiracy to fool the whole world. The novel has a mix of facts coupled with fiction. while some Christians have been challenged and grew deeper in faith, many others have been led to believe all that Dan Brown had wrote, and have fallen away from their faith. Thus, the talks are conducted to help Christians know the reliability and accuracy of the basis of their faith; the bible (word of God).
If what Christians have believed in for so long, and so much, is a scam, then, we Christians have no reason to live, or hope anymore right?
Last sunday's sermon on Davinci Code by Ps David Lim was very informative and enlightening. Many of my doubts were translated into faith. Hallelujah, Praise God! However, there was also many chim theological stuff which i found hard to catch up with or do not understand.
As we proceeded to worship after the sermon, i began to tear when they sang the song i mentioned above;
I will give you glory and honour
I will lift my hands to praise You
and exalt Your holy name
For You are great
You do mighty wonders Lord
There is no one else like You
There is no one else like You
I was reminded of this; so what if i cannot understand all the evidence that prove the reliability of the bible? Do i have to understand all that in order to be able to say with absolute confidence that Jesus lives? I was questioning my own thoughts. i teared at the thought that people doubt a God who is so real and close to me, a God who is so good to me.
Is Christianity the true religion? Is that Jesus really God's son? What can He do if i don't believe? What if i don't believe? So what if Jesus is true?
perhaps you have asked these questions before. Perhaps you are not a Christian, and thus dunno what this fuss and controversy are all about. Perhaps you are now on the journey in search of the real God. whatever it is, whether u believe in Christianity or not, i would like to share with you my answer and conclusion.
i don't have to know everything in order to believe that my God is the ONLY, TRUE and LIVING God because: my tears are real. i know my tears flowed out of a heart of gratitude, for what God has done for me. and I know my tears flow out of a knowledge that i have, of knowing and having experienced the great love of Jesus Christ. great is still an understatement. I know Jesus is real in my life, because i have felt his saving power and grace in my life. all that i have felt and experienced of this God are REAL.
Can i still deny Him?
i can't. if i do, my mind labels me ungrateful, an ingrate, and my heart would cry out injustice!
dear friends, believers and pre-believers (believe you'll come to know the Lord soon!) alike, i just wanna share my own heartfelt experience of the love of Jesus with you. I can describe with so many words about the love of God, because i have experienced, seen and felt it. They are not fables. Yet, i sincerely believe that the amout and volume of words that i can ever use,still, can never be enough to describe fully the love of our Lord, Jesus Christ. no amount of words. no amount of talking.
Jesus's love is beyond human description, beyond human vocabulary.
I feel and know it, but still, i can never find the exact word to describe it.
I can only conclude with 101%(+ lifetime warranty!) that Jesus's love is unmistakable.
undeniable.
amidst all the beliefs, values, ideas and religions that this world offers us,
we are sometimes confused.....what we should believe in? or should we just not believe in anything?
an undeniable, unmistakable God now offers to u, an abundant life in Christ.
Love, peace, joy and hope, all these you can have them free in abundance and with 24 hours access.
Most importantly, you can have a God who will take care of you, eternally.
A God who works in your best interests, for your best interests.
A God who will never leave you nor forsake you.
A God who hears your cries and pleas for help.
That is a promise.
The view of Penang. Taken from the temple. awesome isn't it?
