earlier, spent time with my mother and brother. (if you dont know, i have one younger sister and one younger brother). We went Mac for dinner and went to play for a while at the nearby arcade. Hmm... i really feel comfortable spending time with my family. As the 3 of us walked towards Mac, i feel a sense of peacefulness and ease. I know who i am around them. no pressure whatsoever. I can be who i am. I am just who i am. Perhaps a lot of times, i aint being myself when i am around others, that is why i feel uncomfortable. I dont think i was being fake with other people, i guess i just wasn't totally myself, totally at ease. With others, there is still a certain gap bcos they do not know me well. My family? They know me even before i know myself.
They have seen the ugliest side of me but still they accept and love me, just the way I am.Your family too.
ps: dear friends, thanks for the concern about my family. Though not a complete one, i sense that things are much better and stable now. I've learnt to appreciate my mother, father,sister and brother more. I've learnt not to take people and things for granted. They are very precious to me. Hope you treasure your family too. Dont ever take them for granted k.. =)
"Jesus, if you can forgive me for hurting you, then I can forgive them for hurting me."I didn't deserve to be hurt by them. But neither do I deserve to be forgiven by you.-words by Max Lucado in A Love Worth Giving
quite long overdue. didn't think it 'newsworthy' to blog all these events in my life at the points which they ocurred. but now..it seems only logical to do so.. i think.
i'm not working at angus anymore..was sacked.(hmm...i tell myself, i hope it will be my 1st and last dismissal. hopefully.)
went to watch 'One More Chance' with Jess, Su Teck, Nicloe and Guiting. An interesting makeup of people that i went movie with. Oh ya, though the movie was less impactful than i expected it to be, Mark Lee's acting was really commendable. His acting moved me.
oh ya, good news! Heard from Esmail (my ex-colleague at angus) that he was headhunted by Thai Express and would be working there as assistant manager. Cool! Glad that he got a much better offer, well, i guess its time he moved on. happy for him. He seems happy too. Stay that way k!
oh ya, so b4 Andrew (another angus ex-colleague) went NS last last fri, i met up with him and Esmail for 'supper' at Conrad. and saw Johan and his mum along the way! so coincidental.
good news! i finally got a tuition assigment aka job after waiting for so long! it felt good to be employed again. Ironic isnt it? but i guess there is still cause for joy. So coming this sun, i will be tutoring a Sec 4 girl in Eng Compo. hmmm... can you imagine a self-professed slacker to motivated another to learn? or be motivated enough to teach? ha. sarcasm. Well, i hope to prove that self-professed slacker wrong. that's me. i hope i am right. heee..
hmmm...most recently, i went to volunteer at FaithActs as a tutor. FaithActs is a youth centre/hub for tennagers, funded by Faith Methodist Church. Dillon asked me if i would like to volunteer myself and i agreed to give it a try. After bumming around at home for the past one month or so, i guessed i have decided to commit to do something
visually constructive. hmmm...
went to Nicole's church (St. Matthew's Church) for their prayer service yesterday after cell group in school. Though i gave Vis-a-Vis(old cell) a miss and went with Nicole, i did not regret the decision. I guess it's time i learn to let go and moved on to the NUS cell group decisively. I reckoned that i can't always be neither here nor there. I cant always be handling too many commitments at one time. yes i will miss Vis-a-Vis, esp the people. I will miss hanging out and joking and crapping with them. I still wanna be part of them. But i also know, there is a greater need for my participation in campus ministry.
Right now in my life
It is like a new journey
Roads not treaded before
Now i take
Leaving behind what i thought,
A Mess
I have made
Many crossroads, and wrong turns
I hope I am on track again
This time round
And if not, again
I am not on this road alone
Though it may seem so
No, i tell you i clearly dont
Yes, Everyone've got different routes they take
Funny how they started out quite the same
This road i walk
I seem to be alone
No, i tell you i clearly dont
Alone i may seem
But lonely will i never be
If I look to the one who is guiding me.
.....He will be my guide
Hold me closely to his side
He works in ways, we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will make a way..
He will make a way
When there seems to be no way
He works in ways, we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will make a way.....
i was reading the book of Matthew, chapters 24 and 25 just now and i thought i got an understanding of the parables. Particularly, the parable of the talents struck me...
(in my own words and understanding)
This parable was about a man who went out on a journey and entrusted his possessions to 3 of his servants. He gave the 1st servant $5000. He gave the 2nd servant, $2000 and the third servant, $1000. He gave them these money according to the servants' abilities. When the man was gone, the 1st servant put the money to use (probably investing them!) and gained $5000 more. The 2nd servant also put the money to use and gained $2000 more. The 3rd servant dug a hole and buried the $1000.When the man returned from the journey, the 1st and 2nd servants showed him what they had done with his money. The man said to both "Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come share your master's happiness!"When the 3rd servant came and showed the man the $1000, the man was very angry. The 3rd servant explained, "Master, I knew you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. So i was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you." He replied "You wicked and lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I had not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest."He was angry that he did not put the money he had given to him to good use. The servant was scared of losing the money! and the $1000 that the 3rd servant had was given to the 1st servant and the 3rd servant was thrown "..into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth."(possibly hell)the parable was told to explain how it would be like when Christ returns (judgement day). In my own understanding (it may not be right, pls correct me if it is not), the man refers to God. The servants refers to Christians. God has given us things and people (tangibles), each according to our own capabilities. Some more, some less.
and what have we done with the tangibles God has given us?
Have we like the 1st and 2nd servants, gained much more for their master?
or have we like the 3rd servant, kept them and gained nothing?
in actual fact i think, the master did not expect his servants to do a lot with his money, he did not give them a lot of things to look after.("..You have been faithful with a FEW things; I will put you in charge of MANY things..25:21,
emphasis mine) He ENTRUSTED his money to them. ONE tangible, that was VALUABLE to him. in fact, i dont blame the 3rd servant for keeping the money, afterall, guess he was afraid he would lose the money, so he thought he was doing his master a favour by keeping the money. Or looking it another way, was it more likely that the servant was wicked and lazy? Bcos by keeping the money, he gained nothing for his master. He could have put the money to better use. at the very least, putting the money in the bank wasn't that difficult right? Yet the servant dug a hole and hid the money and waited for his master to come back.
What are the tangibles that God has given us that we have not put to good use? Money we did not spend wisely?People we did not take the time to treasure?
having said that, i am convinced, i am like the 3rd servant or worse.
a friend of mine told me that he shouted at his mum and felt so bad about it. He later apologised to his mum. after listening to him, i felt so guilty. cos i know i will not do it, even if i am in the worng. Yet i know my friend is doing it right.
just doing that requires some humility, some courage and much love. Frankly speaking, it doesn't take a lot of us.
but sadly, for people like me where ego matters more, i choose not to. It is actually something simple. and doesn't our mums' love for us outweigh all that ego and pride?
and doesn't our God's love for us outweigh all that we have to face? all that he has given us?
this parable made me realise, God does not expect a lot out of me. He knows what i can and cannot do. He just wants me to treasure the things he has given me. He wants me to put them to good use. things just as simple as saying sorry to my loved ones when i am in the wrong. things like putting my time to better use, so that it may
yield something good.
Actually i guess God doesn't expect us to do MANY things, He only wants us to be faithful in the FEW things we are given. For if we are faithful in the FEW things, can He assign us many things and bigger things. For even the FEW things we do, MATTERS to God.
and also, the things we do, does it profit God? do they bring God glory?
"For to everyone who has, more will be given, and he will have abundance; but from him who does not have, even what he has will be taken away. And cast the UNPROFITABLE servant into the outer darkness. There will be weeping and gnashing of teeth." (emphasis mine)Matt 25:29-20 (NKJV)
Love has its twists and turns.
It leaves you in pain but teaches you to learn.
Love is not something u hold,
It's something u set free.
Not something u juz do,
But something u dun imagine to last.
It's not something we choose,
It chooses us.
Perhaps the best thing in life is being able to choose the one u love.
And perhaps the worst thing is not being able to choose the one who will love u in return.
How do i say goodbye to someone whose heart was never wif me?
Why do tears fall for someone who was never mine?
Why is it that i miss someone who is so far away from me?
Why do i love someone whose love can never be mine?
Why???
-adapted from Jennifer's blog
when i read this post months back, i was filled with similar sentiments as the blogger. Reading it again now, i feel different. A nostalgic feeling. Are you feeling the pain of lost love? I did.
But if i did not, i would not have experienced for myself, the greatest love of all.
Thank you for your love, Jesus.
ps: and of cos, i have hurt people too..bcos of my own feelings. perhaps in the same way as i do identify with the poem, someone out there could identify with it too. just as i had felt that way b4, someone could have felt that way for me. i may have been hurt by some, but who knows how many have been hurt by me?
I'm sorry.
