Never been unloved; you too!

gloomy week.

Friday, July 31, 2009

this has been a gloom and doom week where things didn't go right. grandma had to be hospitalised on monday during checkup. the hiccups and misunderstandings at work. meetings after meetings which were disorientating and grim, loading my mind with uncertainty. hospitalisation of PA. and the sudden news just now.

and i am just overwhelmed with helplessness. i feel so lost now! i am saddened and downcast. tears well up and i feel such a strong urge to just let it all out. many things are beyond my control. i cannot do anything.

and i now find myself retreating daily to the prayer closet, seeking strength and guidance from the Lord. i find myself needing the Lord more, and my plea is always; "Lord teach me what to do for i am weak and helpless."

i pray today will be better.

The Rose.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

i like this song the 1st time i heard it...but never knew the title until i youtubed it today! I love esp the bold verses- they are so true... :)

Some say love it is a river
That drowns the tender reed.
Some say love it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed.

Some say love it is a hunger
An endless, aching need
I say love it is a flower,
And you it's only seed.

It's the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken,
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul afraid of dying
That never learns to live.

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long.
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong.

Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snow
Lies the seed
that with the sun's love,
In the spring, becomes the rose.

New Discovery.

Friday, July 24, 2009

one of my social work guy friend shared with me over msn this revealing insight.

"for a guy, love is mostly about discovery; discovering new things."

then he goes on with more insights.....

"then when you really get to know each other, you must constantly find more interesting things"

"i think it's not enough to just 'appreciate each other's strengths and love each other's weaknesses' "

"that's too cliche for me"

"i feel that in a relationship, you must really take turns to work hard"

"the guy must constantly woo the girl so she feels appreciated"

"the girl must pamper the guy occasionally; not too much - it can get stifling"

i think he's so rite. and the discovery process is what excites, and that's why the honeymoon period. :) and he's really sharp on this in r/s; it has to be worked by both parties. i think the roles of both the girl and guy cannot be underestimated. Each need to work on his/her role and one cannot do without the other. and wa.. i'm really thankful for his advice!

Close to You

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

draw me close to You
never let me go........

everytime i am far from God, i'd be reminded of this song.

i miss God.

:(

and i just want to draw so close to Him, to feel His heart and His breath. maybe i need to retreat somewhere with my Lord. just the Lord and me. and i so want to run to some faraway place, away from the hustle and bustle of this town, away from roles and responsibilities, away from crowds, away from any technology, away from any familarity. just the Lord and me.

ah.... but will I be able?

that space and freedom in worship, just between the Lord and me- i really crave and miss.

Deeper in Love

There is a longing only You can fill
A raging temptest only You can still
My soul is thirsty Lord
To know You as I'm known
Drink from the river
That flows before your throne

Take me deeper
Deeper in love with You
Jesus hold me close in Your embrace
Take me deeper
Deeper than I've ever been before
I just want to love You more and more
How I long to be deeper in love

Sunrise to sunrise
I will seek Your face
Drawn by the Spirit
To the promise of Your grace
My heart has found in You
A hope that will abide
Here in Your presence
Forever satisfied

Missed!

Monday, July 20, 2009

didn't expect myself to miss you so badly like i do. in the words of Nicole, i was really like "sianz". thankfully there wasnt much at work to do, so i could quite legitimately return ur smses and msnes rather fast. and i guess that is quite a significant sign. i guess things really progressed and quite rapidly. i think thats what falling heads over heels is about? although perhaps, we are a little more conservative and rational about this. ha. :)

and seeing u again after a week, in ur words is surreal. to me, i guess the word is really familarity and delight, relieved. its like u lost something, and when u finally found it after some time, u'd feel really relieved. and u'll like cherish the thing even more now. now i find myself cherishing u even more. i am so glad u're back. its like u added delight and meaning to my days. (disclaimer: if u dont know what i'm talking about, you dont have to. :) cos u need to experience it to understand. :X)

and i think thats what people feel when they are in love. :)

"Blessed gal eh".

Thursday, July 16, 2009

That was what Matt smsed me when i told him my house is like a mini garden now bcos i received 4 bouquets of flowers for my bday.

ya. 4 bouquets. its so way out of my expectation to receive that many. Usually is just 1. This year's bday i really give thanks for the company, well wishes, presents, and surprises. The love of you guys really overwhelms me and makes me feel so loved and blessed.

really, like what Matt said "God must love you so much! And i guess the people who give you those flowers must also love you so much!"

i'm really thankful and grateful for such extravagant love. who am i really, to deserve such affection?

loving is not easy. love is a decision; an act of will. Yet God made that decision to love us, even before we love Him. For Him to love us means agony, bearing insults and suffering. Yet He willingly does so, even if it pains and hurts Him so much.

He loves till it hurts.

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share with you an interesting quote Matt told me;

"There are 3 rings in marriage. Engagement ring, Marriage ring and Suffering.

lol. :X

the attacks.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

it sucks. and it irritates me so much! it gets me down, gets me questioning things which i know are facts, gets me to doubt about us. and bcos the devil knows my weak points, he just jabs at them!

"how can you be sure of his love?"

"are you sure this r/s is going to work out?"

"why are you putting up with this?"

and... i know these are NOT true. and these thoughts do not come from God!
but yet they can be so real that they just stumbles u and shakes your faith in the person and in God.

as i was battling these thoughts last night, bcos i know they are lies (thank God!), i ignored them and went to bed! Why entertain lies?

and this morn, i found out you were battling doubts too. So glad we cleared them up today. but i know the devil will try again and try harder.

i sense this journey will not be easy. we have to constantly be on our guard, constantly resist and reject these thoughts, constantly check with each other, and constantly depend on God and cover this r/s with much prayer and peitition.

Dear Lord, you know we can't do this alone. u know all our weakness and struggles, and you know the attacks from the evil one. Help us to be stronger through this, increase our awareness and sensitivity to recognise them for what they are. Increase our sensitivity to Your spirit. Holy Spirit, guide us and lead us. Dear Lord, may You be strong in us. May you continue to speak to us, and help us overcome with Your strength and grace. Dear Lord, by your grace, we've come, and in your grace we trust. Dear Lord, i pray we will always take refuge in You and You alone.

if you know us, would really appreciate your prayers. :) Thanks!

Choices.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

just saw a photo album i wished i didnt have to see. it was supposed to be a happy occasion but i guess there was nothing really joyous about it. and it saddens me to know that perhaps, this dear girl has blown it again. and maybe she wont be blissful. i'm not cursing her, i'm rather laying the facts i know. and her parents, i cannot imagine what they must have gone thru. the emotional turmoil must have been agonising, and the many fears about their daughter's lifelong happiness.

Will she really be happier with him?

I dunno. She thinks she will be. I pray God will help her; even redeem this mistake.

and looking at the pictures got me abit reflective; thinking about the choices we make in our lives. Do we really know what's good for us? Do we always make good choices? What happens when we make the wrong choices?

Is there a way out?

Will God forgive us for our wrong choices?

Will He still love us?

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after talking to a friend on msn yest night, i felt that i made the right choice in my relationship. i am glad that i trusted my judgement and intuition. i dunno how to explain, but all i know is that i have chosen someone who is really nice, loves God and people. someone who is humble, who cares alot about me, someone who helps me grow in so many ways, someone who's committed to me. and really, what more could i ask for? and i realise, this is one choice we cannot afford to make any careless or rash mistakes. relationships not properly managed leaves ugly scars which can stay with us for life!

and i pray that even as you navigate through your relationships, esp in bgr, pls tread with caution, guard your heart and pray much! You'll need God's wisdom and peace, and hear His voice in this sometimes, mind bogging process!

and if you made some mistakes or wrong choices along the way, remember that God always offer a U-turn for you. He doesn't leave nor forsake you, even in the midst of your wrong choices. He remains faithful to you. He wants to offer you something better.

Will you choose Him?

Sunflowers Surprise!

Monday, July 13, 2009

i was awoken by a strange sms from an unfamiliar number in the afternoon when i was sleeping.

It read "pls reply im serene from eximarts flower shop"

and i smsed back "huh? reply what?

then the person (Serene) smsed back "my delivery man is outside there is a bq 4u pls call back asap. thanks"

when i read that, i almost literally jumped out of my bed! "bouquet? flowers? from who?"
and of cos, i kinda knew who would give me flowers and such a surprise! Then i immediately called Serene back. She told me to open the door and that the delivery man had been waiting for very long! Then she mentioned something funny; she said they tried to give the flowers to my neighbours but they didn't want! Ha.. got free flowers but nobody wants! hmmm...

so ya, the delivery man came by again and told me he waited very long! i was like super paiseh la..and apologised to him and told him i was sleeping. :X

when i saw the bouquet, i was so happy because it was very nicely packed! AND, the best part is they were my fave flowers! when i saw the sunflowers, i already was sure it was you who sent! and when i read the card, yep, it was u alright! :)

THANKS! that was so sweet! :) And it really made my evening. :)

hmmm.. 3 sunflowers got meaning one is it? :>

The bear up close!

My 25th Birthday.

was filled with surprises, many friends, and good food!

its really great to celebrate this day with different groups of friends. First was AHH and TGIF, then with REACH colleagues and volunteers, then with Jess,Esh, Nicole and Su Teck, then yesterday with a group of 10 friends from sec sch, jc, and work. wow! i'm so blessed and loved to know that so many people celebrated my bday with me! really.. i am abit overwhelmed by the attention and affection.

:) but ya it feels really good! heee...

and and...... much thought was really put into the gift selection and people do follow my wishlist! omg, thats like so nice lar! i'm really grateful! heee...!

as i bask in the love of friends, i also bask in your love for me. though you're not physically present with me, i know you miss me alot! omg.. pardon my bhb-ness! lol. ;) and yes, i really find myself missing you quite a bit! but you have fun! :)

i guess the best bday gift i have this year is you. :)

Your Plan.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

when did it happen?

when did it start?

who planted the thought?

who made our paths cross?

who helped us know each other better?

who saw us grow?

who formed love in our hearts?

who first loved us?

was it not you dear Lord?

was it not your intervention?

was it not your plan?

was it not in your desire to bless?

was it not your thought to bring together?

how could this happen without You?

how could we have met without You?

how could we got this far without You?

we can't see that far

we don't know what is ahead

but we will not stop trusting in You

You who brought us thus far.

May we always remember how You first loved us

May we never forget how much You love us

May we always seek to put You first

May we always glorify Your holy name

May we continually praise You for all You've done for us

May we never let go of Your loving hands

Continue to walk with us dear Lord

May we not go anywhere without You

May we not lose sight of You

May we always walk in step with You

Guide us in this process of love

As we fumble, stumble and scramble

Hold us as we hold each other

Take us as we take each other

Cleanse us as we keep ourselves pure

May we continue to please and bless Your heart.

Wait for the Lord.

Sunday, July 05, 2009

if you follow my life for this past 1 week, u'll realise God has been so good, loving and awesome! And really, like Jeanie said to me, "You are so happy you can't contain it right?" although not refering to the same thing, that is exactly what i am feeling now. Not so much of happy, but i'm feeling so blessed that i can't contain it! and yes, that's why i am blogging it now!

if you trace my life these few months, it is quite happening la. it has quite alot of emotional overtures, and countless times of seeking the Lord for direction. and what a journey it has been! nevermind the heartache, nevermind the diappointment, nevermind the sacrifices, nevermind the desperation for answers, nevermind the confusion felt, nevermind the frustration of praying until dunno what to pray about.

this few months has made me stronger, and more assured in God. it seemed as if God has used this time of uncertanity, waiting and desperation to mould me, because He knows what is to come. He knows i needed to develop these qualities and to be self assured before He can bring into my life what He has. He also wanted to make my feelings and motivations purer, by refining and defining them.

Would i still love for no profit?
Would i sacrifice for no return?
Would i still be christ-like in the face of uncertainty?
Would i still love Him if he doesnt grant me the desire of my heart?
Would He still be first in my life?
Would i still trust Him in my confusion, and lack of answers?

and when Monday unfolded this week, i realise God has been at work in my life and yours. It is hard to deny God's role in this. and i realise God is soooooooooooooo good and so nice! That cause me to just look in awe and say, God it is You who made this possible! It is You who loves us so!

and i just wanna testify that God gives us so much more than we ask for; exceedingly abundantly more!

has there been a prayer you've been asking for the longest time? a desire of your heart that has yet come to pass? have you started to doubt God for those questions you've been asking? are you questioning God's goodness and kindess, and ability to work things out for you?

i tell you the truth, God has everything mapped out for you. Nothing that happens to you is out of His control nor knowledge. He knows your heart desires, your needs, your wants and what's best for you. He will provide for you. He will watch over you. He loves you, my dear!

Take heart, and not give up, wait for the Lord!

:)

The Surprise Birthday Supper

Saturday, July 04, 2009

what was meant to be a birthday surprise for Matt ended up surprising me as well!

and it was made possible by Brenda, my beloved PA and Joey. ;)

you guys really had us fooled! esp me..when i thought i was part of the plan... and i ended up being surprised!

how it happened was.. i actually planned tog with the cell to have a surprise birthday thingy for Matt, bought the card, and asked people to contribute to the ang pow. and the plan was to have supper as per normal after PNP service in church. and Joey helped to book Coffee Club while PA drove some of us there.

when we reached in PA's car, just when we were about to leave the carpark, Matt arrived in Lionel's car! And we were like "OMG!, now no time to write the card! how?" so we quickly devised a strategy to 'lure' Matt away so that the rest could write the card. So at this time, PA suggested he would tell Matt he needed to talk to both of us about some stuff, and draw money so we could walk off to somewhere, while the rest write the card. And i agreed.

so we lingered around.. and met up with Ps Esther and the rest who were eating at the food court, and returned back to Coffee Club. when we returned, things went back to normal, we ordered our food and drinks, and took some pictures.

then i saw the waitress lighting a cake and i knew the surprise moment had come for Matt. And when Joey brought the cake over, i realised there were 2 cakes, 2 candles, 2 cards, and 2 ang pows! One for Matt, the other for me! I stared in surprise and was totally speechless! "Happy Birthday Matt and Serene!"

"what???!! arent we surprising Matt here?"

:) they ended up surprising me as well.

so sweet of them la! and the cakes chosen were so specially for Matt and I. He got the opera cake (with chocolate which he ~~likes~~)-ok Matt just clarified he doesnt like chocolate! oh well, but he liked it anyway! ) and i got the green tea mocha one (i like mocha and green tea). So thoughtful of Joey who knows our likes and dislikes. and my beloved PA who acted so well!

:) That was AHH and TGIF's planned birthday surprise for Matt and I. Really sweet, thoughtful and a pleasant surprise and delight! To see so many of you guys coming tog to wish us. Despite the heat (Jeanie), despite the tiredness after work (Diana, Zh), despite inconvenience (Marsh, Joey, Jasmine, Ps Esther) and despite the money and effort you put in! I was really blessed, and i'm sure Matt was blessed too!

i sure felt very loved yest night by all of you. :) :) I love you all! :) Thank you!!!!

Surreal.

Thursday, July 02, 2009

the past few days felt so unreal.... so surreal.

i find it so hard to believe, even till now.
i guess i am still in some kind of shock.
ok its not in a negative way.. but i guess i was really unprepared to hear what i heard.
those words, those questions, you, seemed only possible in dreams.
and to grasp this reality is with mixed emotions.

Can this really be true?
God, is this really happening?

i'm.... overwhelmed.. bcos Lord just when i thought this is impossible and that i should wake up, just when i was giving it up, i heard him ask - the question.

God, can this be true?
Am i dreaming?
Is this what you have for me,
a story too lofty and precious that it is really beyond me?

and truly i say, this has to be from You.
For neither of us knew, things would happen this way

Dear Lord,take us, as You will, where you want.
For i want nothing except what You have for us.

Serene, 25, Christian
a sinner saved by God's grace.
a beloved child of God.
a social worker (youth).
a daughter.
a sister to 2 younger siblings.

"This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." -1 John 4:10

*God; the Father, Son Jesus and Holy Spirit
*Family; Tan
*Church; Grace Assembly of God
*My close friends
*My cell group; AHH (After His Heart)
*Youths
*Missions
*Children
*Good food, Chocolates and Ice-cream!

Lyrics | Chris Tomlin lyrics - Made To Worship lyrics

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