i miss my dad.
everytime i think of him, the tears just flow.
its painful to think of him.
the most hurting part is that we've become strangers.
when i'm asked about him now, i dunno what and how i should say.
he is still our dad but he doesn't belong to us anymore.
i'm going China again! ---My 2nd in less than 4 months. except this time round, its gonna be winter there! How exciting! I've never experienced other seasons outta our sunny island!and it is encouraging to know that several of the brothers and sisters know about our trip and are praying for us! I do not know what to expect again, as usual. this time other than doing youth ministry. But i would appreciate and covet your prayers! i always bear in mind it is a spiritual battle we are fighting. that makes prayers so precious!!!will be back next fri at 2:30PM at Budget Teminal.
If u wanna come help me with my luggage that day, pls feel free to come. (i feel thick-skinned after typing this.)=) always feels good to be welcomed home.Home is still the BEST!oh i cant wait to be home already! oh...this time round, i wont allow myself to miss taking pictures of the clouds! since i've checked with my sis, it is OKAY to take pictures in mid-air. Dear God, pls give me a nice window seat!
i let it go
but did i give it up?
am i being selfish or am i being sacrificial?
has something gone wrong somewhere, somehow?
i dunno how my thoughts turn to u in the midst of all that rushing and readings
is it bcos i am searching for an anchor, to stay afloat?
suddenly i realise i am just as vulnerable and weak as any other gals
i need to be protected, need to be assured, need to feel safe, need to feel loved
is it true to say that a gal will only run into the arms of a guy she feels safe with?
at least for me, it is true.
highly dependentneeds to feel safe
describe a baby's natureseems very much describing mineonly when i perceive safety, i will let down my hair and be my true selfonly when i know Someone is watching, i will dare to take that step to venture outthe desire for safety makes me seek for shelter each time i perceive threati love to hide in the corner to wait for the storm to cease.i always thought i am very much independent till i saw how soon i called for help.its getting better though...a baby gotta learn to take the 1st few scary steps before his feet becomes strong enough for him to stand firm and walk.the baby is scared of fallinghe falls before he can learn to standthe courage to stand again after falling so many times comes from knowing that wherever he falls, he'll never fall out of the Father's hands.he has learnt through his falls that his Father's hands are strong and sturdy.so he knows no matter how he falls, he will never fall out of his Father's hands.
i am sleepy now..i know i should be sleeping...i just wanna unload the day's here, so my brain can have a easy sleep.
was forcing myself to finish reading some materials just now.. it din work. my brain refused to cooperate. it wants rest. i want to continue reading.
ha.
it is amazing how much information the brain can take in, in a day. Does it go bankrupt? or explode? In a day, so many things happen..and several at the same time! How does the brain manage to keep everything in oder? How does the brain remain it sanity?
i believe its REST.
when we sleep.
really sleep.
yes does my sense of reasoning read weird to u? i guess it would, cos u're reading words that come off from an overworked brain. A brain that is shutting down slowly by itself. not caring if its owner is still searching for words, typing non-stop on this keyboard. i am now just typing off words as they SHOOT off my mind. i hope it makes sense. if not shows that i am bonkers. Ha
its amazing how a tired brain can still make sense....ha..at least i feel my brain is making sense to me now. maybe not to u. Ha..
i've been reading a lot lately not because i want to, bcos i have to. i'm busy preparing for my china trip, the trip will invlove me teaching workshops on youth ministry so i am reading several books at the same time, all on youth ministry, but with totally different perpectives and focus. Yet the biblical principles and truth are almost similar.
When i read, i value more than just content. I consider a book a good read if i am able to get something otu of the book. If i am able to discover truth in that book would be like i've found a treasure! And reading these youth ministry book has in a short while opened my eyes to the youths of today. In a short chapter, i actually find myself learn something about youths. That's powerful. That's something i havent experienced for quite a while since i graduated last yr. Readings that teaches u something are just so exciting! Esp when that issue is so close to ur heart. Do u believe that my heart wrenched in heartache as i read about the cries of today's postmodern youths?
its either the power of words.
or the reality.
the realisation that so many of our youths today are crying out for help in slient ways is starkingly haunting. How can it not provoke a response to those who read about it? Yet sadly, the issue is thrown at our face. we face them yet we do not feel anything for them. we know them but we do not do anything that will actually help them. we claim we love yet we are not actively finding and bringing back lost and hurting sheeps. what are we doing?
is love only in name?
have we lost a generation?
maybe i have exaggerated the situation.
but the fact remains that we are losing our young ones to the world.
Badminton Cell Outing.Earlier today in the noon, my cell, Marshall and i went to play badminton at Clementi Sports Complex. We played for 2 hours! Heh....considering i havent exercised for at least a few months, tis is quite a feat. LOL.I had so much fun! haha...though very long nv play already...but skills still not bad..haha..good enough to win a few matches...heex. kkzz cannot be proud.. =) i am glad that Marshall initated this trip and organised it bcos it had been a good time of fellowship, and hanging out together. So glad for those who came. They could have chosen to spend their PH with other people, but they chose to spend it with cell. I should be proud of them! =) it is so hilarious just looking at Arron try his different stunts of playing badminton. just cracks me up each time he tries something weird with his racket. heh. now i know everyone's favourite moves!!! Marshall, ur trick is..always hit super far..then try to smack. Terence, always hit very soft near the net balls. Hannah is very good at hitting back far and high balls. Jeraldine is good at serving. hmm...i am good at laughing at them! *grins*yes i noticed i kept laughing on the court! like everything also funny to me. but then when i tell my sis about what i think is funny to me, she say not funny. ah...well...she dunno how to appreciate! hahahahahahahaha. i had so much fun today. Maybe u can also try badminton for ur next deepavali!!!=)
i now find myself very attached to Xroad47! for those who do not know, Xroad47 is the youth centre in my church. no i am not attached to the place.. its the kids and kiddos i'm attached to!part of my jd says i have to mann the centre once a week. yet now, i find myself pop by there even when i am not manning it! The first place i would go whenever i reach church every mon-wed would be Xroad. though they are a bunch of ren xiao gui da community kids, and some very michievious ones, i find myself just drawn to them like an insect to the pollen. just find them so adorable....ha...now that i am doing youth work a lot more, my love for the youth has also increased. if without this love for them to sustain me, i guess i would have waved the white flag long ago!i believe that God has placed in my heart an ever increasing love and burden for youths. He has increased my capacity to love them, to accept them as they are, and to believe in who they can be. bcos of that, whenever i see the youths at Xroad47 now, i am so filled with hope and aspirations. Loving them has brought me hope as well. to know that i am able to make a difference to someone else's life has renewed my sense of purpose. I am more than happy to do so! yes i also feel weak and powerless at times when i dunno how i can share the gospel with the kids, i wonder when's the right time, whether they can understand what i say etc etc..i know i ought to, but i dont. its a struggle but a good one. I pray that God will grant me the courage and wisdom to do so. =) Holy Spirit, help me and let me do it. youth work is rewarding.to fellow youth workers/ those working with children, keep up the good job! Youth work/ work with children is never boring! Those kids are just able to brighten any of your bad-hair days, like no other! Keep on believing in them and their potential. You'll never know when they will surprise you. And i believe your perserverance and hard work will one day, by the grace and love of God, bear much fruit. Dont give up on those kids! Jia you!
friendship takes a lot of work. it takes more than 2 hands to clap.it is dependent on many things;sometimes the timing, sometimes the occasion, sometimes the things u say, sometimes the things u do, sometimes the circumstances, sometimes the mood of your friends, sometimes even the weather... lol.i think i've also learnt that friendship can be very fragile.strong friendships don't come by easily.they are built over time.but u can't build it alone.i guess i've also learnt a few lessons abt friendship;- Never take friends for granted
- Never backstab, spread rumours or gossip about friends (sometimes concern is something we use to justify gossip)
- Building a strong friendship is more than just give and take.
in my friendships, i have learnt it will take a humble attitude to admit a mistake, a forgiving spirit to those who have hurt u, an extra mile of kindness to care out-of-the way, a sensitive soul to allow space for friends to grieve, to be there, and to taste happiness and sorrow together, a grateful heart to cherish the friends u have made and..................... a big heart to be a friendly person! friendship is about your friends.how much u value your friends will be how much u value their friendship.If friends are your priority, friendship will also be a priority to u.For me, friendship or friends comes in 3rd; after God and family. i wish to keep it that way.if next time i got husband...hmmm...maybe he also 3rd! LOL.for now,friends are important to me! *grins*friends did u see that?
i always think about things when i am showering. dunno why. HA. it's supposed to be a de-stress activity! yet sometimes in the bathroom, i get so stressed just thinking abt stuff..i guess i need to relax..!!tonight, a thought surfaced: Do you want to lead a glamorous life with no impact?and my answer to that is:I dont want! I dont want to lead a glamorous life with no impact!!!
I serve an amazing and loving God.
recently, i have been very blessed by people around me. i will be going to China for a ministry trip in 2 weeks' time and i need to raise S$500 for my air ticket. This is my first time raising funds so i have absolutely no idea how to go about it. i have been busy with church events and programs that i do not have time to think about this. I also dunno who to ask.
So when Yun Yun (my cell member) passed me a love offering, i was totally surprised. She said it was from the whole cell. I did not even tell my cell about this trip! and in the end, she told me it was Ps Cx who asked her to ask the cell. It was a whopping S$400!!! To me, it was a huge sum. and my cell has 8 members so i guess each member would have to fork out like S$50 each? i am really grateful to them for their generosity! was very touched by their gesture.. =)
and so i am short of S$100 right..so i was thinking of how i am going to raise this money...and somehow during lunch one day, i casually told my colleague about my trip and how my cell gave me a love offering. and....tatata...later on, she passed me $50! I was again, very surprised ! And she said that when she opened her wallet, she saw $50... ..so she gave me. woa! What faith! i dunno what to say...except a simple "God bless you". I am really blessed. =)
then yesterday, Ps Cx smsed me and told me one of my church friend, Xiuqing, is going to top up the balance for me. woa. i really could not believe it! I must had reread the sms. Xiuqing and i are not close, nor do we know one another well. Praise God! I really thank these loving individuals for their giving. I thank God for their willingness to give and their obedience, and their faith in His work.
i have to admit i am truly blessed.
God provides.
Dear God, your grace is something i can never fully understand
It isnt something i can earn, not something i deserve, not something i can achieve by myself
Your grace is a gift.
Your grace is unmerited favour.
Thank you God! Thank you Jesus!
the next time i lack, i will trust in your providence. For if u clothe the lilies, how much more will you provide for your children.
God knows our needs even before we ask.
Trust in His providence for your life.
highly dependent
