Never been unloved; you too!

a few hours before ROMP!08

Saturday, May 31, 2008

morning! before the sun is up, i am sitting in front of the laptop blogging away. I din sleep the whole night. .cos my mind actively refuses to rest. ..... so for the past few hours, i have been in front of the computer, doing some misc work and updating the joule club blog. i wished i could sleep as soundly as my mum, sis and bro.. but i am still wide awake at this hour! i hope i can brace through the event later without fatigue! hopefully catching 40 winks will help!
sooooo....
in another 2 hours or so, i'll head to the office to work.. today there is a big sports event, "ROMP!08 organised by Harvest Care Centre. REACH is the presenting partner. . and i happen to be the main person in my agency coordinating this event. Today is finally THE day! Months of planning, discussion, answering seemingly endless phonecalls, networking for sponsorships, setting booths and doing publicity in schools.. phew..actually i am quite glad today is the sports carnival. we will be expecting a total of 800 youths for this event. yes...its a big event. and u know the Murphy's law says that "whatever can go wrong will go wrong.", heard that b4?
even as i am now in the last few hours before the start of the event, i really dunno what will happen later. Will things go accordingly to what i've planned? well..in most times, we know things DON'T always go accordingly to plan! Am i panicking? No i am not. Are i fretting? No.
by right, i have many reasons to be anxious and panic. .

but i am not bcos i know ultimately, God is the real holder of this event. I remembered Ed quoted me this from Proverbs, "Man plans but God directs his steps".

so true!
however much us humans can plan, at the end of the day, we dunno the outcome but God knows what is going to happen.
We have our plans but God has the future in his hands.

and even as i have been kept very busy coordinating this event, i realised the wisdom in what Martin Luther once said ; "The more things i have to do, the more i have to pray." heard from one of the pastors' sharing that Martin Luther spent hours praying!
woa..that is really something. he is really wise huh..

but sad to say the busier we get, the less we pray, or we dont even pray.
we push prayer to the bottom of the list, when what we need most is to talk to God, hear from Him, and seek His presence to renew our strength.

i learnt to pray in my busyness.. it is hard bcos we will always weigh the opportunity cost. we always value getting things done more than being still. its so hard for us to believe prayer is worth our time and sacrifice in the midst of the 1001 things we have to do.

yet what is prayer actually?
prayer is talking to Father God.

Josiah shared with me this analogy yest,
"Would you spend time with the one you love? So then why are you not praying?"

thats so true. we often see that so clearly in human relationships. yet when it comes to loving our maker and creator, we fall so short.

when was the last time you talked to Abba?

AHH went trekking..

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Cell Group Outing

Date: 19th May 2008

Time: 10:30am

Weather: Sunny

Start point: MacRitchie Reservoir

Destination: Bukit Timah Road, opp Beauty World

Time Taken: 4 hours

an enthusiastic pose.
camera shy Ian and Justin trekking the forest!
Having our rest before tree top..
the long and winding road we walked.
(seems neverending)

Finally, our "much deserved replenishment" at Boon Tong Kee.

Isaac and Jeremy--always up to something.

creature we saw lurking around.

Arron..!

The babes..
woa...scenic.

At the bus stop before we begin.
AHH. (After His Heart)
The silly guys.
___________________________________________

haaa...i finally found the opportunity to blog about our cell 1st ever attempt at trekking! Thanks to Isaac who planned it! It was quite a tiring long walk, but the weather and company were great! We got to know one another better. We learnt alot more about the flora and fauna. We got lots of tan. We had fun. Thank God we never got lost la. ha..the walk is truly memorable. the different insects and creatures we saw. the uneven terrrain.the IQ questions. the natural environment is so interesting. all in all the guys said we walked for about 12-13km..?
woa..a feat for us girls la. but we made it! Yeah! Hi five Grace, Jeraldine C and Hannah!

After His Heart is amazing only bcos God is awesome =)

a good long sleep.

i really wanted to blog abt the trekking.. and post the pics up here..cos several ones were really quite funny one..but aye...the blogger pic upload doesnt work.. think i have to blog that another time liao. meanwhile..

been feeling down in all aspects..physically, spiritually, emotionally and socially. and i still not able to pick myself up. seems like i've fallen into a valley and it takes forever for me to climb out. i wonder WHEN i will get out. it is such a torturous feeling to be trapped in the valley. every step is SLOW. .and progress is LITTLE.

what else can i do to hasten the getting out?

meanwhile what do i do?

im like so sedate to all things now. tired.
hmmm...feels like Elijah in 1 Kings 19. .

need food
need rest
given up on living.

just very sedate.

maybe a good long sleep will help alot.

walking in their shoes...

Saturday, May 10, 2008

when you meet a youth, what will be going through your mind?

do u get suspicious and skeptical?

do you greet them with a stern "hi"?

youths who are tough and rebellious .. will u shun away from them? will you think twice to talk to them?

yes, of cos as a youth worker, i have my fears and insecurities when i work with these youths.
a fear that stem more out of not knowing what to do, than because i do not want to have anything to do with them. I do not know how to connect with them, do not know what is the right thing to say or the right way to behave.

yet i've learnt, there is no one right method or way. there is no need to crack your brain so hard to try to connect with them. The way is to be yourself. be sincere and respectful. believe in them. a sincere love and care for them. care not bcos you have to, but bcos you WANT to. Love not bcos you're asked to, but bcos you just DO.

i thank God no matter how many tough youths i've met so far, i never once judge them bcos of how they behave or talk. no matter how difficult they may be, i am glad to say that i am still very passionate about youth work and youths! and thats why my prayer in work is always that God will teach me to love them, the way He does.

my heart grieves whenever i see how some adults treat teenagers.

Only the love of Jesus can touch the coldest heart. Not by power, not by might, but by the Holy Spirit. For God has not given you a spirit of fear, but of LOVE, POWER and of a SOUND mind.

if today, you try to walk in the shoes of a teenager.. you may be appalled, surprised, and saddened to know what they are really facing, and that their greatest needs are for love and acceptance.

they have enough people who put them down.

they have few who truly loves them.

what matters most

been saddened and burdened for the past few days..
just like what i shared with my colleagues during devotion. i just feel sad..and down yest...I'm like going through depression, where i just find myself feeling really down and nothing seem to be able to lift my spirits.

there is no joy in my heart, and I find it hard to be happy.

that's how i've been feeling.

i think i know the causes of this. been bogged down by work..sometimes just feel so suffocated and suppressed..i feel that i have been given too many things to manage, yet i am unable to say no. i just accept. but when i accpet, i feel like a fool cos then i have to do more things. Is it just a matter of being firm and saying no? But everyone is busy, do i have any valid reason to not help?

work is one area of stress.

the other is relationships.

friendships. how do u maintain a close friendship? is it by always giving ? But the one who is always giving will come to a point where he or she is drained out.. friendship has to be reciprocated. how much and how long can one person give unconditionally? there will come a day where he or she questions if there is any value in holding on to the friendship. that's when he or she perceives, and comes to the end of himself/herself. cant keep giving rite? and if your friend is the cause of your stress, what do u do? at the expense of yourself, wat would u do?? at your inconvenience what will you do?
i dunnoo man...maybe i will just do what i can until i cant anymore.

spiritual life. my relationship with God. i am challenged to trust God again. this time, it requires more faith. bcos i cant see what he has in store for me in terms of a life partner. i made a stand to focus on God this year, yet now my faith is severely put to the test. i keep asking God, "God you sure you are more than enough for me?" I have always tried to fill the void in me with a guy whom i like. always do. i just feel so insecure with only God in my heart. i felt that i needed someone else too, other than God!

=) how foolish i was. it doesnt work that way! why do i always doubt that God is MORE THAN ENOUGH for me? I can hear God saying to me; " O you of little faith, why do you doubt?" haaa...all these small little internal conversations are kinda like swirling in my head.. I shared with Joanne i needed God to show me the big picture and the "hows" of things. But God did not. so i feel so helpless, i feel that i just have to find my own way out of this internal turmoil. i become reactive rather than responsive. and i hate myself for doing the things i do not want to do. i hate myself for not being myself. i hate it when i do things that are against my nature. Yet i question, do i really have a choice?

am i really helping myself to consider what matters most?

am i being selfish by just considering my own interests?

am i being too hard on myself?

Dear Lord Jesus, show me your ways that I may follow and obey. Help me to make the choices that are wise. Help me to do what matters most.

For now, i just wanna concentrate on God, family, close friends and youths. and frankly speaking thats cos i only have time for them. i only have enough time on earth to do what God wants me to do. bgr really could wait.

loss for words to describe the Lord.

Sunday, May 04, 2008

dont really have the words to describe how i feel now..

all i can say is that i feel that Jesus is so good..so perfect, so loving, so great.

深深爱你，耶稣....

因为你先爱我。

Are u a real disciple or are u a wannabe disciple?

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Ps Ron's teaching today was difficult to swallow. it was what many would label- a hard lesson.

in the midst of the teaching, i find myself asking the same questions.

"is the kingdom of God valuable to me?"

"what is so valuable about God's kingdom?"

"Am i a real disciple?"

though i agreed with him, i find that these things are really NOT EASY to put into practice. Theory we all know. Head knowledge we all have. But in practice, how many do we apply?
How often do we internalise these truths;

"True disciples recognise the value of the kingdom that they are willing to sacrifice their lives."

"If the kingdom of God is so valuable to us, we will sacrifice for it. It is even worth dying for God's kingdom."

"If we know what's at stake, we'll know what's priceless."

"At the end of the day, judgement will come."

"If hell is real, then you must guard the kingdom of God in your heart."

"Jesus is the passport to heaven, and a passport whereby we can avoid going
hell."

so we Christians should all;

"Wake up to the reality of heaven and hell. The kingdom of God is valuable."

it is a hard lesson but we need to hear it, and do it.

a true story on molest

just watched a channel 8 show on a university gal who was molested by her brother-in-law.

as a social worker, i am not surprised that such things DO happen in Sg.
however, i din really expect they would use that as a story and screen in on TV.
I think Mediacorp did a commendable job in airing that and choosing to air that in the 1st place. I believe more people should not choose to ignore that such things can happen in the family, and when that happens, they should NOT keep quiet about it. I admire the gal in the show bcos she has the courage to walk out of the family, out of that horrible experience. and also admire her maturity bcos though it pains her to walk out of her OWN family, she decided that that was the best thing for her and her family. i have no doubt she still loves her family despite the fact that they persuaded her NOT to report to the police.

HOW COULD THEY NOT REPORT THE MOLESTER?

he ought to be punished for his wickedness and selfishness.

in the world that we live in, as much as we would like to think otherwise, such people exist. such ugliness exist. such injustice exist.

hope that us gals will also learn to protect ourselves-- dont ever give them a chance.
so its actually wise to be more conservative in our dressing and not staying out late.

Serene and Hannah @ harbourfront

Friday, May 02, 2008

Serene and Hannah are good friends!

but one day, things got complicated...!!!

Serene and Hannah couldn't agree...and they started to be nasty.

One thing led to another and...Hannah was punched!

Then, Serene got emo... =(

and...Hannah couldn't stand it anymore...!

After much thought, they decided to just be mean..and deviant.

After all, who cares? who can touch the stars?

"Isnt a free life better?"

I can do what i want!

I can be who i want to be.

and as long as we can have fun...

We will!

The End.

---------------------------------------------------

Disclaimer: The above story and characters' description is pure fiction. Any resemblance to anyone dead or living is purely unintentional.

Songs I'm listening to now....and loving it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Srpz1-wA03Q&feature=related - 云上太阳

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMF7E8i1kWM&feature=related - 这一生最美的祝福

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkDzACVS2P8&feature=related - 耶稣爱你

Super highly recommmended!!!!

Serene, 25, Christian
a sinner saved by God's grace.
a beloved child of God.
a social worker (youth).
a daughter.
a sister to 2 younger siblings.

"This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." -1 John 4:10

*God; the Father, Son Jesus and Holy Spirit
*Family; Tan
*Church; Grace Assembly of God
*My close friends
*My cell group; AHH (After His Heart)
*Youths
*Missions
*Children
*Good food, Chocolates and Ice-cream!

Lyrics | Chris Tomlin lyrics - Made To Worship lyrics

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