If you have been thinking like a failure, feeling like a failure and acting like a failure, you have actually listened to the Devil.

posted by ser @ 3:58 PM   0 Comments

its always nice to talk to Xingfen aka Michelle... my dearest sister and friend. talking to her is always so therapeutic cos we both understand and know what each other mean and feel.

I talk she listens. She talks i listen. It seems simple. But it is not.

Because not what u say is always listened to.

That's why people always say they need a listening ear.

They never say they need another loudspeaker or advisor.

They say they need a LISTENER.

bcos i know listeners are hard to come by, i really appreciate people who really listen to my complains, whines, non-stop babbler, and basically whatever i have to say!

if u know me, most of the time, i talk very fast and i talk a lot. =)

and i really am grateful for Xingfen bcos i know that we started out as sec sch friends but later bcos of some misinterpretation of her actions by me and my petty and stubborn nature, i actually treated her shabbily. as in ignore her and get very angry with her and worse still, talked behind her back and talked bad abt her... that time i really disliked her...


Thinking back, it is all very awakening. Now we are very close friends and are like sisters who share each other's ups and downs.

Thinking back also, i was really very bad to her in the past. now i feel really remorseful abt my actions then. i actually mistaken her.

I owe her an apology.

should tell her face to face..

now i love her to bits! she's my ULTIMATE confidant. with her, i can be very real, very unreasonable, very cheeky, very crazy at times... but bcos of the renewed understanding that we had, she accepts me for who i am. and now, i know the true meaning of accepting someone for who he or she is.

definitely, it is not easy.

in fact i always struggle bcos i tend to judge people very fast and are very critical of some.
but i am always reminded by God, by the word, by friends, that i have no right to judge.

yup. they are right. no one has the right to judge another. Only God has. and He judges with RIGHTEOUS judgement. He shows no favouritism.

thou i still struggle with judging people too fast, i am trying not to. i'm really sorry for those hurt by my hasty and nasty judgements. pardon me if i have judged you.

and i think now i finally know what it means to truly accept someone for who they are.

u can infer true acceptance from this :

"I am afraid to tell you who i am
Because if i do,
You may not accept me
And it's all i've got....."

posted by ser @ 12:32 AM   1 Comments

People i see on the streets, at the coffeeshop, at the malls, at angus, at bus stops, in the bus

they are not happy.

How come?

Then you'll ask.

What's happy anyway? How do YOU define it?

Me? Simple.

I know YOU are happy when you smile.
From inside showing to the outside.
You dont have to show me your colgate gleaming teeth but that kind of happiness shows on the face anyway.

Not that type of evil smile, not that grin after teasing someone, not that smirk after seeing someone u dislike fall, definitely not that kind of stomach exercising kinda laugh at a comedy or a lame joke.

What is it then?

If we're seeking happiness (that's what people usually say) here in this world, i can tell you it doesn't last.

Yes, we may be happy after doing a good deed, donate some money, help to buy tissue, volunteer at a home, help our friends in their problems, buy things for that special someone, have that special someone to share ur life with, have a family that provides for ur needs, have many friends, have money to spend, have the lastest gadgets, do what we enjoy doing; pubbling, clubbing, singing, cycling, sleeping, counting money.... etc etc..the list goes on and on.

there are so many definitions of happiness, so many different ways that people derive their own happiness.

but does that happiness (self defined), last? truly makes u happy?

if it does, i'll be very happy for you indeed.

It it doesn't, have you thought about why it doesn't?

nothing is eternal in this world, yes. save for the love of another.

do you know who that another is?

sick of the people means sick of the world ya?

but why dig deeper, fall deeper when u know it's gonna be dark in there as well?

have you tried another way?

to find the light?

which can bring you to greater heights...

bring you outta that dark bottomless pit?

sink no deeper my friend.

I know my words may not mean anything to you

you might not even want to hear

that's okay, i just wanna let u know

the world hates you but God loves you

the world rejects you but God accepts you

just the way you are

no strings attached

if you are willing to make that step

God is ever willing to hold your hand...

posted by ser @ 6:49 AM   0 Comments

i dont want to hurt

i dont wanna become the person i dont like

tell me how?

posted by ser @ 6:44 AM   0 Comments

posted by ser @ 3:19 AM   0 Comments

First of all, i wanna thank all who came to Swensens that day... i msg quite a few pple but really din expect so many to turn up..give me face right? haha...thanks a lot.. =)

I think that this year's bdae i wasn't really feeling happy or excited..afterall, who would? if that means a yr older? haha...i mean i did not envision or plan anything big scale, dunno how to plan and don't wish to. i mean, 21st bdae to many is a BIG thing but to me... i dont think so. perhaps it is a BIG thing, a rite of passage but it seems that perhaps because of circumstances and events that happened prior to my bdae, i dont think my bdae would be something BIG. nothing to brag about anyway.

but hey, i am still grateful for my bdae. cos i had 3 celebrations in all, all on different days with different people, except jess the consistent one who was present at all. haha..yes u lah. in my life so much. we are quite sick of one another already ya? hehe..

this is gonna be long... bear with it if u can.
I wanna thank everyone who gave tangible and intangible gifts. they are both impt to me.

Thank You;

Mummy ~ who gave me a silver necklace with a key pendant.. haha..i asked for it.. so exp! and a card which she said she bought it one month ago! so sweet. A mother's love is still uncomparable.

Sister ~the giver of my long awaited MP3!!!!!! din expect her to buy cos i was just whining to her that i would have to save like how many months to buy one! the MP3 was so cool..and my sis ah.. so surprisingly sweet. haha.

Brother ~want to shake my hand one day b4 my bdae. stand in front of me and i was like "what?" and he said it was my birthday and i told him it's tmr. He said never mind. ahhhh...my bro. there u have it. and on the actual day, he stretched out his hand again... ahahhhh ....HEADACHE.. =X

Daddy~ actually called me on my bdae but somehow i missed it. I only knew about it when he called again one week later. dear old daddy...miss him..

Jessica ~co-organiser cum shopping kaki for my bdae presents. she actually accompanied some of my friends to shop and help them choose what to buy for me! like pple say, best friend knows best. i say, she knows everything! =) oh ya, u wanted to know how i find the present u give me right? eh..dont tell u! haha... to be frank, i like it. It will definitely encourage me and serves as a reminder to me. wish u understand God's love one day too. -)

Michelle aka Xingfen and Wayne ~ another of my dear sister cum co-organiser and her bf. i really like the necklace! have been wearing it almost everyday! hah..actually that necklace caught my eye sometime back, but i din buy. GREAt MinDs Think Alike ya? hehe...appreciate u and ur bf's presence too...and help me take pics, feel so honoured sia... haha..

Joyce ~ my dear tortoise friend. very practical. good. i really need the notebook. a friend who really knows my immediate needs. a friend in need is a friend indeed. but pls ah, DONT ever offer to be the photographer... whatever 'image' i have also dont have already. thanks.

Grace ~thanks for ur presence despite the sickness, feel quite bad that u had to travel so far when u were sick. glad u din touch the ice-cream. =) a fun loving and crappy sister who brighten up our days, esp during after youth service lunches! with Su Yin..gosh... crazy already..haha..

Jennifer ~my da jie. a big sister to me. of all the gifts, yours were the most simple yet the most touching you know. cos u personalise the whole gift! from the card to the bookmark to the wrapping. sister, i really was impressed that u took so much effort in preparing my gift. i dunno how much time u spent but i wanna u to know, i really really appreciated it. Like the quotes. Friendship is God's most precious gift. and i thank God for u.

Liqin ~ uni friend who's got loads of style. a gal who has her own qi zhi. but she is very friendly and i am really quite surprised that u and mingrong came cos don't know u all very well.. the necklace is in my fav colour, blue! above all, i really treasure the friendship that we have. fellow social workers, let us complain and unite..haha..

Mingrong ~ hey gal! had so much fun suaning you...haha..hope ur high pitched "hmmm!" sound is gone... haha. a friend who is being very herself when she is very funny. that's Mingrong. cannot stress her one..haha. thanks for always reminding me about things..and allowing me to suan you.=) dont be angry k.

Mingjie ~another of my uni friend. very sensible and clear headed. can be funny at times.. hehe..always think of others..a gal with a kind heart. really fortunate to have her around esp when we take mod, she's such a great help! the gift you gave, i have never use the scent before leh..hmm.. will go sniff.. =) and dap.

Xun Yu ~ my sister in Christ, uni mate cum confindant. she 's a great listener and makes an impact in her own quiet, unassuming and humble way. always smiling, always giving...even when she's angry, it's more like she's irritated. =) thanks for the cd. i really like the songs there...esp i give you my heart.

Su Teck~ my uni mate cum colleague. a guy whom i've known for a yr and a half...the gift was so beautifully wrapped! and the card was very nice. I'm using the wallet now..hehe..the more i look at it, the more i think its nice. and i also like the poem..really makes alot of sense and it's very like me. u composed it? and the key chain? cool! never got something like that before.thanks.=)

JY ~ uni friend cum ktv payer. haha. everytime help me and jess pay for the ktv, HC also. like print money one..haha. looks rugged but actually nice and gentle at heart. hehe...thanks for the gift and coming down. =)

HC ~ uni friend cum ktv payer. evrytime i see him, sure different hairstyle. haha.. cool guy. can make jess laugh like mad! haha...joker but also a nice gentleman. quite good-looking also. hmmmm... =)

Dillon ~ ya i spell correctly. its DILLON, not DILLION. okay. my uni mate cum brother in Christ. a funny person but sometimes got mood swings. dunno why. when he's quiet very scary. but a super on brother in Christ. Matthew bear is so cute... thanks..hugs.

Fucai~ uni mate cum serene's suaning target! haha..this guy is super funny. dont believe me? ask his friends! those who come into contact with him will surely be tickled by him! 100% guarantee. haha..and that day, joyce made us so paiseh. ya, my jie mei mah.. thanks for the teddy too. and thanks for coming soooo LATE.

Piglet ~ close friend cum confindant cum SNAG. hmm. ya. din expect u to come actually. that issue still not resolved hor. at least to me. to me, it's wrong. i can't accept the act. but that doesn't stop me from accepting the person. hope it's clear. =) and my prezzie? one SLICE of ice cream cake wont do...

Andrew ~ my friend cum colleague. a person whom i'm getting to know more and more about. and the more i know him, the more i think he's a nice guy. glad our misunderstanding was cleared up. otherwise, i would have lost a friend who's so patient and caring. =) thanks for the amer cake together with angus grp. so delicious, yum.

Lilian ~ ah ma!!! my dear dear friend who will always have a special place in my heart. actually took the time to come for my bdae even thou she got work later that day. have not seen her for very long but glad to know that for the 1st time, she says she's busy! busy always beats nothing to do right? ya..glad for a big-hearted friend like her, no matter what, she is one friend who accepts me for who i am, despite my flaws.

Johan ~ uni mate cum friend's friend cum brother in Christ. gosh, still cant believe u and siming got me that shirt. i WONT ever wear it. What were u all thinking?!! gave me such a big shock. and the tin was really deceiving ya. anyway, u had to rush down from church...okay lah, i wont hiam already. after that, where did u 2 go huh? oops...i had to ASK.. hehe..

did i miss anyone out? hmmm....sure a long list.

and there's still the angus grp,my colleagues at the FSC and all those who msged.


You guys made me realise i'm so blessed.

and Father God, without which, all would not have been possible.

Thank You.

posted by ser @ 1:56 AM   1 Comments

"but you like him.."

but God loves me more...

posted by ser @ 1:39 AM   0 Comments

It's strange how things turn out. bcos we tend to expect things to turn out certain ways, so when they DON'T, it's quite unthinkable.

eg ah.. a person who likes apple dont eat apples.
eg a person who likes to swim but cant swim.

are u having a lot of question marks already?

ya..that's what i mean. we are so used to thinking that if one thing is like that, the other thing must follow. If A is so, then A must lead to B. If you like so and so, you will tell so and so. and you will be together with so and so. if NOT, weird leh.

haha... absurdity? absolutism?

sometimes things in life are not absolute and one thing does not necessarily leads to another... and when things don't happen the way we expected doesn't mean that it is not right, not good. anyway, i'm beginning to get confused here myself... what i wanna say is, sometimes, we don't get what we EXPECTED to get.

when that happens, what do others say?

"hey, why like that huh?"
"really ah? dont be too sad k.."

and when that happens, what do we do?

do we despair and cry?
we can do that, but we must move on from there....

The world expects us to think in a certain way, act in a certain way and behave in a certain way.
When we don't, we are labelled "weird", "strange", "crazy", "sort-sort", "why-like-that", "funny leh", "dont make sense leh" etc.

E.G.
A reported to the teacher that B was the one who put the spider in the cupboard.

What would the class say?
The class (world) and B would most probably say that A is weird, a spoilsport, busybody and bootlicker. Most probably, they would outcast A.


But is A wrong?


Would A want to report to the teacher again after the whole class outcast him?



The thing is, do we often try to live up to the world's expectation even when we know it is not right?

posted by ser @ 12:54 AM   0 Comments

for the past week, past few days, i cant really express it very well, but i just wanna say God has been good to me...

hmm.. very hard for me to pinpoint what exactly, it's like everything and anything...so grateful, speechless sometimes.

esp so after that ending, that struggle with my work, and now my upcoming bdae..

let me consolidate my thoughts before i share more.

meanwhile, i just wanna let u guys know:

posted by ser @ 2:05 AM   0 Comments

dear 'lost but happy sheep',

cheer up!

You are worth much more... than u think..

=)

posted by ser @ 3:34 AM   2 Comments

thanks Jess for that pep talk. =)

posted by ser @ 2:51 AM   0 Comments

as the saying goes; " all good things come to an end"... there is nothing on earth that is eternal..
nothing.

but we tend to hold on to lost things, persons, events, past memories
esp when we thought they belonged to us

when in fact they are not..

i hope i dont sound like a sadist here but what i wanna say is ;

why should we get so upset about the loss
when in the first place, they don't belong to us?

posted by ser @ 12:26 AM   0 Comments

just had a chat with Joey... and.. . now both of us are left wondering....avoiding... hurting.
wont be talking to you for a long long time i think....given our characters.

when we were young, i was the one who quarrelled with him the most... and sadly, now it is still the same. Both of us are like North and South poles, we REPEL! and we never understood one another's viewpoints, we stand by our own.

like he says, i am offensive. He's defensive. dunno who drives who crazy... who drives who..

perhaps, we never tried to understand one another...we haven't learn to relate...

but deep down, if it hurts u so.... wouldn't it hurt me too?

posted by ser @ 11:50 PM   0 Comments