reunited.the true reunion that i've been secretly anticipating had finally come true.My sis and i met up with dad on 17th feb. it was a meeting i didn't expect.i thought i would never get to see dad again....Meeting him once again after so long... i just felt blessed.afterall i thought i had lost my daddy.the daddy i once knew.thank God, i havent really lost daddy.. i was just separated.I am immensely grateful for this reunion... cos i dunno when i'll see dad again.he has not changed...always buying us food. durians. bringing us to eat crabs. i know he did just for us. he knows we'll like them.all so familar. if it wasnt for the reality, i would have believed nothing has changed. i love my dad alot.after what he had done, i still find it hard to hate him.maybe if i want to, i am valid in hating him.yet somehow i just cant.that reunion was a longing fulfilled.a longing that is buried miles within.pa, thanks...pa i pray u'll lead a better life.Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects,
always trusts,
always hopes,
always perseveres.
-1 Cor13:4-7
just finished watching "taste of love".and i think that why must liking someone be so complicated? why must so many factors be taken into consideration? why must we consider others' feelings even when the liking is mutual?is love really so complex or have we made it complicated for ourselves?everytime i am tempted to turn away
and compromise
i choose to look to You
bcos i know you'll never lie to me
You want the best for me
and though right now i cant see what You have for me
I'll choose to follow through
God help me to do the right thing.
if i ever become a huang lian po, ni shi fo hai ai wo yi ran?
for me on V Day. so it feels weird to read / receive Happy V Day sms. haa...maybe its just me.reached work at 10:10am today, almost overslept and missed chapel today! i forgot abt chapel today lor! so scary! thank God Ps Cx came to pick me up. if not i will miss it lor. for the SECOND day in a row, my alarm din seem to ring! HELP, i need to go buy an alarm clock!!!!dunearn program went well today....although as usual 2 diamond was ROWDY. AT least today, they never BOOED us. That's RARE! hahaa...i hope its a good sign that we've earned their acceptance and respect. =) This will be the last time i am seeing them. Next thurs, i will be at Unity liao. hmmm...yes, 2 diamond students are lovable. Just have to spot the diamond in the making. so sleepy that i fell asleep during the program, so paiseh la...when one of the students actually caught me in the act. aiyo....so embarassing!afternoons after lunch are bad man....super sleepy!after that went Mac to have some drinks with Kenneth, Daniel and Bradley.haaa...then i left them for a while to go SHOP! and i bought a skirt within like 10 mins! This is BAD. I am addicted to SHOPPING! i've become a SHOPAHOLIC! omg! DA SHI BU MIAO!*faints*then after that Kenneth gave me a lift home. i showered and went to G1 for GLI. as usual stole 40 winks in class. but class today was enjoyable. =) i like it when i learn new things.i thought i would be staying home this vday. but end up, i was out the whole day!initially thot my vday would be quite mundane. but in the end was well spent. can also be considered a good day. =) reached home at 1am....sleepy sleepy....stoning now...i think when u are in close proximity with someone, u begin to think really weird thots. thots which you would not think of if not bcos of the proximity. it is quite scary to realise how proximity can kinda alter your feelings. it makes u feel close to that person. yet it is actually bcos of the proximity and not the relationship with that person. deceiving isnt it? Is that how infatuation occurs? that u actually develop feelings for a person whom u THINK you like. scary...
went to sign LOA at REACH @10am yest. Thank God. Everything went well. AL is very nice. Joanne and i also clicked off very well, thatk God for that! We will need that cos we will be working with each other day in and out! My table is just beside her! COOL! The 2 of us can have our very own GIRLS' TALK. Hehee....I'm excited about work already though i am not officially in yet. I start work on 18 Feb, 9AM. My work will consist alot of school programs. I can foresee alot of travelling already, alot of walking, alot of talking, alot of moving, alot of energy. It shall be filled with sweat, sunshine and rain. =) I can already see myself being very busy. It WILL be hectic. But by God's strength, i will survive. ha. *winks* nan bu dao wo. heee...after that, i went back church.. then when XR47 opened, i got to play the new board games that i purchased online for the centre! Loaded questions is very fun! Lots of laughter and getting to know one another! After a while, it gets quite sianz though. Heh. Tmr i shall go try other games! There were definitely much fewer youths today at the centre. But i am convinced that board games and study groups is the right way to go. So i guess we just have to give the youths time to adjust and accustomed to the new change. Change is always unwelcomed. But if it is for the good, why not? Sooner or later, people will begin to see the benefits. =)then after the game, went back office to do cell kit. I am so proud of MYSELF!!! I have finished the 12th lesson, now only left the LAST lesson of deut! HOORAY!! YEAH!! Actually the process overall has been quite fun. I have learnt more about deu as well as discover spiritual truths, historical background and facts of Israel in the OT. It has been enriching for myself even as i prepare. From being totally NEW and CLUELESS about designing cell kits, to finally completing a whole 13 lessons series. I think ah, quite tok kong right? haa...pardon the crude hokkien. Thank God la! He was the inspiration behind the work. Serene can do nothing without Christ. =)3 cheers and 3 cheers for God! after that, in order to clock in hours, i stayed back in the office. Thank God Ps Esther was there also. We had a good time of sharing and just crapping. Then we ordered MAC for dinner! and had a romantic eat out at the balcony! haha...dont be envious... lol. will miss her company and the rest after i go over to REACH. will i still have someone who gives me godly advice and to talk crap with? *sighs at that prospect*i had a good day. maybe it would be better if i had not been part of the heartbreaking conversation. i wasnt supposed to hear it or know it. yet somehow i was there. drawn into something that wasnt meant for me. it kinda breaks my heart to hear something like that. Lord, I pray the child wakes up to her senses soon. i pray God will give strength to the father, give wisdom. Lord, may you touch this family. You've redeemed them, so do not let the devil attack them. I pray that your holy spirit will protect them and help them to resist and flee from evil and temptation. Dear father, may you work your wonders and power in this family. Protect them by your name. Thank you Father. In the most precious name of Jesus i ask, amen.
BROKEN.
as he watched her leave.
the heartache of love.
sweeping, leaving, disappearing.
to keep her safe means being firm
he gave her freedom
but she runs away still.
outta his hands
into the misleading darkness.
she doesn't see the danger signs
that her father so clearly sees.
had she lost her senses?
where is the daughter?
the father cares but she worries not.
as he watched her leave
he stands helpless with tears in his eyes.
it will be a painful wait.
a love with no return guarantee.
a love that keeps watching, keeps pouring.
the Father asked; "what can i do for her that i have not done?"
the father's heart.....
lays broken.
haa... dont worry i am not hormonally imbalanced or emotionally unstable.dont worry i din say that bcos i am lamenting the fact that i will be dateless this thurs. i am not in lament. =)just feel that V day has been too commercialised and too OVER liao... actually does geunine love means extravagance? or does love=spending $? hmmm...but that's what the media and profit makers are telling u. "Romance your love with ______ this Valentine..." As if love can be measured by the amount of $ you spend. As if love can be bought. well, they just want your money. there is nothing right in buying exp stuff for your partner, but to buy that on v day is quite unwise. Love is never measured by how much you spend. with love, many gals will tell you, they wont mind bread and butter. how true... ha...i think i sound like some miserable dateless critic. haaa...well, i just prefer to spend my money in a more meaningful way. as i was praying with the REAL people today, and as they mentioned about V day sow and reap, i was just reminded by the Holy Spirit that God is the greatest lover we can have! Jesus is the greatest gift of love the Father has given us. We have the perfect love with us, do we need more? And if we have that perfect love, we are more than able to love others. Love really is God's gift to us. The bible says, "We love because God first loved us." God makes the first step in loving us, He wants to love us. And bcos He so loved us, we should also love one another.while many of us may be thinking of love this V day week, let us also ponder about God's love. Where can you find a love like God's? God is the giver and creator of love. the greatest love of all has been given to you the day Jesus died on the cross.You are deeply loved by Jesus.
In fact, you've NEVER been unloved.
Fallen.i think i nearly fell out with my friend today bcos of another friend. maybe not fall out, but i could sense that my friend were irritated with me. haiz...i suppose i need to be decisive in decision making. i have to know what i need. at the same time, i should also know what i do not need. i do not wish to fall out with my friend over my indecisiveness.Ah Long Pte LtdExcellent show! I know Jack Neo wont be reading this, but still i wanna say well done Mister! You've once again captured the Singaporean heart. well, at least mine and 5 other friends. Jeanie, Isaac, Jer C, Grace, Arron and I went to watch the show just now. Although reviews only gave half star, and my sis and my cousin said not very nice, i enjoyed the show very much! In fact, just 10 mins into the show, i was captivated. I was like "woa, this is good stuff." The start was well filmed and appropriate. It really caught the audience's attention. And i must say Mark Lee did a really splendid job of mr sissy, with his cant go wrong Malaysian accent. And i have to respect Fann's acting and professionalism! Definitely a true blue international artiste. Kudos to the muddy pool scene and that full body tattoo shot. I was swept off by her realistic acting. And yes, she definitely CAN act. Well done Fann! I am now a fan. ha... i find Jack Neo also captured the atmosphere and aura of the triads very well. Though imitations were pulled off from the Hongkong movies, it was realistically done very well in M'sia. Really can yi jia huan zhen. The suspense and humour was well balanced throughout the show. Enough to keep you watching on. I like the Ah Long song also! " ah ah long....long long long..." Nice! and of cos, Jack Neo never fails to move his audience. the kidnap scene will tug at your heart.maybe the only negligible spoiler was the part where it said "Singaporeans are obedient." I thought that was too overused in his movies, and quite a sarcastic dig. well, Singaporeans are definitely more than obedient ya?Perverton the bus home, i was sitting alone and halfway through the ride, i saw through the glass reflection of this guy sitting behind me and staring right at me. His face like stationary like, never move, kept staring. That look was quite eerie. So i quickly look away. When i looked agaon a while later, he was still staring la! I was so afraid he would follow me home! When i reached my stop, i pressed the bell, and guess what? Before the bus stopped, he walked to the door! that really shocked me. So i let him go down first, but then he stood still at the bus stop. So i quickly walked back home. I dunno if he followed me home. so scary! I dunno what he will do man. gals, if u are going home late at night, do take extra caution. such things we can never know. guys, pls send gals (gf or not) home if its late. dont give the perverts any chance!!!well, finally now i am safe and home... Tmr is a new day! i will be going REACH to sign the LOA. I hope everything turns out well. I am looking forward to my new career, yet apprehensive. hmmm...i want to kick my bad habit of being late. i need discipline to sleep early and to stop procrastinating! Serene jia you! i need to be motivated! i need encouragement!
3 take home points for my readers:1. I just loveee taking pics with Dylan!!!
2. These are just SOME of the pics i took last night.
3. Serene has a bulging tummy!!!
was a fun time of pic taking! I had fun posing with Dylan and my cousins...
come to think of it, its quite self-centred ya? its ah ma's birthday and we only care about taking pics.
tonight, we had dinner at Ah Seng uncle's zi char at Whampoa. 3 tables as usual. It was a SURPRISE to see Debbie (Johnson's gf) and Huiyi (Joey's gf). Latest additions to the family! ha.
1st time i see Debbie, she looks quite different from the pics. Maybe bcos today she din put makeup. She looks like a quiet and courteous gal, guai guai type. hmmm...what does she see in my couz?!!!
the 3 different tables all had different dynamics. My table was boisterous cos of us gals and also cos of my mum. Ah ma's table is the most quiet one...the older folks, my bro and Charlie. Joey's table was the red faced men.
it must have been terrible to be ignored and dismissed by everyone. how much more so if they were your family? i feel that no noe should be treated this way, yet reality is harsh. and guiltily, i am also one of those. why do people dismiss another? why favouritism? why biasedness? why prejudice?
somemore, we are family. haiz...we should learn to accept and love one another. That is one of the reasons why we need Jesus....for us humans can never love perfectly or unconditionally. Father, forgive us.
reflecting on tonight's event made me realise how i gladly take things for granted and how easily i become self-centred, and how i can be more appreciative. I took the dinner for granted but in the end, there wasnt much to go around. I took my cousins's presence for granted, when in fact, Marcus and Joeu din come. I took Ah Ma for granted and instead of spending time with her, i was preoccupied with enjoying myself although i know that after tonight, i wont see her for another year. I kept taking pics with Dylan, was so engrossed in that, just wanted to look good in every shot. and Tina became my inagural photographer...i was still unabashed. when crocodile meat was served, i din even touch it. it must had been expensive. my uncle must had included this dish becos he wanted us to try this rare delicacy, perhaps knowing many of us hadnt tried it before. and .... i din even touch it. i should have been more appreciative. even if i dont like it, i should at least have taken a bite. maybe instead of talking to the cousins, i should had gotten to know Debbie better. to make her feel at ease in a crowd of a dozen strangers.
there were so many things i could have done. but i didn't.
its too late for regrets huh.
that's my regret for tonight.
Early in the morning i had ecomm meeting at Tanglin Starbucks. And i was LATE! VERY. We were supposed to meet at 9am and i reached at 10.20.. gosh...so paiseh. Andrea's script is good. i hope the Easter play will be a success. =) God, use it for Your glory.then went svc at G1. i learnt alot from Ps Lim's teaching today. "God saves us to be disciples, not believers." Ask, seek, knock is ASK in short. Ps Lim also explained the "do not judge" verse which is confusing...suddenly i began to understand the essence of that verse. This statement struck me too, "Sin that controls us can lead to hell."hmmm....woa..all this is like so profound previously, now its clear to me...wow.. amazing.. God is really good to me...i want to be as close to God just like when i first believed, yet now i feel so far from God although physically, i am not. Where have i wandered to? How can i find my way back? Why does doing daily devotion seems to me to be so repulsive? i need to spend time with God yet i am not. i am just procrastinating. God why am i such a person? Why am i so ungrateful? God why are you so patient? i need to run to the Father. My Father. after svc, went lunch with Grace N and Isaac at Ikea. Today (Sun) was Seafood Fried Rice! I was so excited that i shouted out the menu and Isaac thought i memorised the menu! HA.... well.. could be..but i am too lazy to do that. heh. Ikea was crowded as usual...After lunch went to shop at Anchorpt! HA...that was enjoyable. G2000 is having SALE! I bought a navy blue pants for work, and 1 navy blue singlet top. heee.... people buy before CNY, i buy after. so weird rite...i also think so.. but c nice should buy mah....somemore got sale leh...after shopping, was supposed to meet Ps Cx to go visitation at Ps Jadene's place...but i was feeling lazy so i went home... then i slept all the way till 8pm....nan de can sleep..ha. these few days sleep quite alot. not that i am hiam-ing..Blue is my latest fave colour ... HA. eh...actually, what is the purpose of having an online presence?
Visitation@ Ps Walter and Lynn's place with Ps Cx. A different feeling visiting the Ps house. hmmm...but a different good. =)Shopping at IMMWhile waiting for Jeanie and Jeraldine C, i went shopping myself around IMM. i think i went round the whole level 1 and 2 complex THRICE. In the end, i bought 1 pair of pumps from Mondo, 3 pair of earrings, and 1 nail polish. heee..not bad right. i can entertain myself for 1 1/2 hrs..ha..Cell Steamboat@ Jeraldine L's place at Park Oasis. The korean and Jap style steamboat was fantastic! Jap soup base and korean teppanyaki....Power man! Nice nice! Jer and Jer really prepared well. =) We are so blessed! The game of Articulate was fun. everyone got different pattern. haaa...Zhaoru is so cute la...Supper at Xin Wang, Anchorpointwith Hannah. dunno why the waitress ask me that question, but since she asked, i think ya maybe i should sign up. She asked me "xiao jie ni chang lai mah?" (Miss, do you come here often?) and i replied, "this is my second time." so she continued to ask me if i wanted to sign up for their membership card. i think its not a bad deal, so i signed up!so the next time, u wanna eat at Xin Wang, dont forget to borrow from me the card!!!!
random thoughts:
* it feels good to make peace.
* i detest being a spare tyre.
* yest, i almost... collapsed in the toilet.
* i have a lot of ang pow money this year!!!! YEAH!
* there is nothing much to shop at IMM..
well...my randomity shall stop here. Goodnite! =)
the past few days has been GREAT! for various reasons which i would elaborate if i have time...
esp so on CNY eve. i met up with almost all of my cousins, and had fun!!!
if u ask me to describe it in one word, i would say it was AWESOME!
My reunion dinner started very early at 5pm at Yummy Lobster House. It was a DELIGHTFUL start! The food was YUMMY! Esp the lobster porridge! One of the few times i actually get to eat LOBSTER. and it was a rather generous portion; each of us had at least 1 lobster. Some other delicacies include Salted Egg Yolk Crabs and Blueberry Deer Meat...indeed a delightful meal. so blessed ! haha...
then all of us cousins headed to PartyWorld KTV at Shenton way for our singing session. Bcos my uncle knows the boss, we were given a humongous VIP room! Super big la... can 10 people dance inside lor...
after a while, we were quite sian of singing and some of the cousins actually dont like singing...we decided to head for bowling at Mt Faber Safra! That got everyone excited!!!
At the bowling alley...it was another sight. Somehow some of us who were once lethargic, now all were energized...! Then Joey decided to spice things up by implementing "penalties". Any guy who longkang will kena ear flick; gals will kena slapped on the hands. GUESS who was the first to longkang?
Your beloved JOEY ASHER TAN.
LOL. Everyone cheered when he longkang. well, he is popular mah..
Then for the 2nd round of games, Joey decided we should play sibling tag team. And the team with the lowest score will treat supper. Suddenly, things were brought to another level.
The 1st ball of every team was either a strike or a spare! That really heated things up and got everyone nervous! HA...suddenly, everyone was striking or sparing.
Intense compeitition sia.
haa...in the end, all ends well! Joey volunteered to treat supper!
YEah! All of us were happy and glad!
We went to eat prata. And all 8 of us squeezed into a 5 seater car. bearable thou. =)
when Joey is driving, lower ur expectations of a driver ya. He isnt normal. His driving tactics may drive u crazy. trust me, it nearly did me.
well, but thank God i am still alive....lol.
Supper food was so-so but the catch up was good!
it was a memorable day.
I thank God that He placed me in this family where i have fabulous individuals for company! It is really a blessing. =) What more can i ask for? I have the best people i could ever ask for.
The Tan Cousins.ps: this yr reunion was special bcos mummy joined us. Maisie's mum also! it is blessed to have your loved ones around. hmmm...if only papa was around too. but i was surprised when ma ma passed us his hongbao for us.
The Tan Cousins.