To: Jess, Joyce, Su Teck, Peizhen, Jennifer, Esther, Matt and all those who keep me in your prayers,
i just wanna say,
THANK YOU.
a NIV STUDY BIBLE!!!
a WORSHIP CD!!!
actually i want a lot of things lah, but these 2 are my top. haha.. hmm.. wonder how i'll get them.
wondering... ? ? ?
i dunno what to say.. afterall, i havent had internet access for the past few days. It was so inconvenient. Though not new to such glitches (they happen every now and then!), i'm amazed at how dependent i am on this technology. I used to think that my sis's the one who will die without internet connection, looks like now i'm the one who CANT LIVE without it!
ha. so much so that i actually msg Johan to see if he's in school in order to use his laptop. Talk about desparately desperate!
hmmm.. i guess i NEED to blog. been too dependent on bloggie blogger... not good at all.
kinda hate this period of the yr, exams are so sickening. Practically no freedom and passive absorption. How i wish the notes would speak to me!!!
gee... guess the only motivation for me now is CHRISTMAS!!! though it comes every yr, each yr is never the same! It's so FUN and COOL!
plus dec holi might be my busiest to date.. even more so than gab.. gosh. Let's see, i have youth camp, swaps camp, choir practices and performances and work at black angus or probably, JL. And finding time for rollerblading, catching BRide and Prejudice, planning jan's trip to genting(maybe)...
agree with Esther ya... exam time is the time when the last thing i wanna do is study. Mind wanders and actions deviate to any other things other than studying. While studying with Jess, talk a lot about r/s. thinking back, quite senseless talk. Senseless in the sense that
whatever said doesn't change whatever had happened. but at the very least, talking it out deepens the conviction to wanna move on.
quite humbled by what Jess said in her blog about what i told her. I only remember vaguely what i said though, din expect it to have such an impact on her. but i'm glad.. perhaps cos we're in similar boats that i'm able to empathatise with her and vice versa. Just this alone, we have so much to talk about!!!
then in school, Xun Yu suddenly told me she wanted to pray for me. That was one day before my paper. I was quite taken aback, dunno why she suddenly have this thought. She said that she felt that i was very stressed up. Although i dont think i was, maybe was my haggard face, i still wanna say THANK YOU. cos i know God must have given u a burden to pray for me. sooo glad..
sidetrack: THANK YOU, Johan, on the behalf of all NUS students. Thought that was quite a thorough prayer. yep, the prayer definitely includes u! god bless!
i guess his msg is the only one which can elicit 2 very different responses from me. wait, i dont even know how i should respond! Glad? SAd?
anyway, let's see after the exams. i dont wanna say anything too soon, hope too soon. lest my bubble, my world, BuRsT..
I'm reminded once again how blessed i am. That i actually have a friend who prays for my love life. Thank God for giving me a friend who really understands me and what i want. It's so much reassurance that when she told me about it, i was speechless. I dont know if the 2 things are linked, but if they are, PRAISE YOU LORD! PRAISE YOU even more for a friend like Su Yin.
Work recently has made me realise that not many pple are blessed the way they should be. Life's not fair and can never be. I guess if we can bring some warmth and hope into somebody else's life, why not? It doesnt takes much effort but will be very much appreciated. Personally, i dont know how it feels like to be all alone working in a foreign land, to be subjected to new demands, people, culture, food, rules and regulations. But i know it's definitely bad and depressing, esp if u dunno whether who to trust. sighs...
I only hope that i can bring them some hope.. colour and love.. that they are not alone.. and that someone cares for them..
be praying...
Hurt.
I think it's the worst feeling anyone could ever experience.
hurt that cuts so deep
it is bleeding
so close to the heart
I'm sorry if i've stirred up any memories. I just wanna tell you, you are not alone.
I guess no amount of immunity can prevent hurt.. not even the best surgeon.
trying to cover up aint gonna take away the pain and i guess that's why i'm writing it down.
everyone of us has been hurt before, in some way or another. some less, some more. some hurt, some hurt by hurt. sometimes it hurts so much that tears just start flowing uncontrollably. sometimes, it's like a silent tormenting disease that slowly eats away bits of your life. sometimes, it feels as if you've lost your soul, and your mind.
when will it heal...
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crossing the threshold was great but not easy. I don't know why, but i trembled at the altar and started to tear.. I felt so unworthy, so undeserving. "You mean God's really giving me the chance to breakthrough? that my life can be even greater than better? am i dreaming?"
crossing the threshold. With fear i went in, with courage i emerged.
Leave your past, Live for Christ.
Are you game?
Sometimes it'll hurt doing or following God's ways or will, it is not easy. But a lot depends on whether you know your God and how much you love Him to want to obey Him. If you believe that He only wants the best for you, you'll find it easier to give Him the pen of your life.
Trust GOD to make it right.
