finally went back to the familiar g2 chapel for young adult service last sat. i've missed quite a few due to my cambodia trip and work. it feels good to be back in a familar place to worship God. for the last few months, i've not been able to attend church due to my work, either that or i'm too tired. really dislike not being in church, but i guess there is little way around it. :( really hope that there will be less of these or none happening this yr! last sat, svc started with the usual missions video.. usual bcos everytime in church we will have missions emphasis week where we'll be shown the mission video and get the newsletter. So we're all used to seeing mission videos. though the videos are different each year, the the content is more or less the same. :) but despite that, my heart is always stirred each time. i think i really have a burden for missions. but i guess now's not the timing for me to do that...but i always know i have...i'm convicted by the need for missions, and i believe in missions and yes missions will leave u never the same again. haa...maybe they should hire me as the mission ambassador or spokesman ah! lol...just kidding.. ! then Ps Ben preached about the David and goliath story. actually i dont think he has a title for his sermon..but thats not the most important thing. he also shared about his mission work in Kystan(dunno how to spell..haha), which is between Russia and China. Ps Ben is a missionary based there. at first i din know what Ps Ben is trying to say..cos he jumps from pt to pt. so it was only towards the middle and the end of his sermon, that i begin to understand what he's trying to say. though the story David and Goliath is so over-preached, Ps Ben began to help us see it differently. A few key points he mentioned; 1) David refused to place limits on himself. -your family background cannot determine what your future will be. 2) Take 100% responsibility for your life. -you are ultimately responsible for your life. 3) Start serving Jesus today (if u haven't) to discover your purpose in life! some other poignant things he said; "you are a washing machine, don't cook rice!" "Jesus came to give abundant life." and ended off with the elephant story which touches me the most... "the baby elephant gave up trying to break the chains after many failed attempts. It grew up, still stuck to its chain. He thought he would never be able to break the chains, because he had tried to and failed. The visitors wondered why such a strong elephant could not break away from its chain. The elephant had forgotten that over the years it has grown, now strong enough to break the chains. It didn't know the power it had now. " (in my own words) Are you, like me, the baby elephant? never realising you've grown and strong enough to take on new challenges and to break away from the chains/difficulties? do u still feel powerless over your situation....unable to break away or breakthrough?.... maybe you've forgotten u have grown. . you're no longer the baby elephant.
even as i try to find a closure and make sense of all the things that happened in 2008, 2009 has already started! so much so that i find myself so behind time! i am still not done with my reflections for 2008 and here comes 2009. suddenly all of 2008 is so yesterday, and 2009 is now.a lot of things to make sense of and reflect upon for 2008, i am only doing so now.. in 2009. that is like so strange right? so in many sense i feel i am not ready to live 2009 yet.. not till i'm done with the reflections for 2008. 2009 can you wait?
obviously not!
at the same time while i was doing my own closure for 2008, i was also praying for God's direction in 2009. that explains my previous post. i was seeking God regarding my ministry direction. Should i serve another year as a CL (cell leader)?
and i only got my answer in the first days of Jan. but it is an answer that requires me to take a leap of faith, an answer which posed me a question, an answer which would bring me to a deeper level of trust in God, an answer which causes me to examine my heart and its motives, an answer which would take me out of my comfort zone, an answer which gives me a second chance to do what i wanted to do but never had the will to do, an answer which challenges me to know this God whom i serve more, an answer which causes me to look at my self-serving interests and be humble!
and i just wanna say God is so wise! and truly, he knows the human heart. He knows what is in my heart. And as i seek Him in this matter, he revealed to me what was in my heart. He made me aware of my own selfish motives and pride. He showed me the areas where i've been lacking. He showed me the areas i could have done better. He reminded me of the people i've stopped caring for. He brings to mind the relationships i've neglected. He pointed me to His sheep in my care.
in the last months of 08, all i wanted was to give up and take a break from serving as the CL. I was tired and felt really stretched and drained in my capacity as a CL. it was torturous and discouraging for me as I led alone. i was so tired from trying to put things together, and to hold things together. The worst was; not seeing any result. i just wanted to get away from it all. Stepping down seems and sounds and looks the best way out. i also wanted to try out new ministries. i was so close to stepping down and leaving the CL ministry....... until Ps Cx, Brenda, Matthew and Wallis started to share with me their views. they did not try very hard to change my mind. They simply told me to reconsider again. to be frank, as i was so ready to leave already, i din know quite how to react to that suggestion! really dumbfounded for a while. just when i thought i should move on and doing so with God's peace, here they are, asking me to reconsider!
my first question was, "Could i have heard wrongly from God?" (maybe... there is a lesser probability that 3 people heard wrongly...)
second question, "Did you really ask God?" (yes i did.. )
3rd question, " What did God say?" (erm...God didn't say anything...no YES, no NO.)
4th question, "Will you obey God's answer?" (erm..i'd think about it.)
the truth was; i never really wanted God's answer. I just wanted to leave...and felt that i was right in doing so...afterall i think i am burnt out.. how can i still care for others in that condition? and i was also feeling bad bcos i think i hadnt been a good CL.. why serve any longer?
interestingly, just as i was condemning myself in my mind, God posed me a question. He asked "Would you do things differently or better in cell if you were given a second chance?"
and i answered "yes i would if i'm given the second chance."
That marks the start of another year of CL for me.
and i am very grateful for this second chance of doing things differently, improving to make things better and for serving His sheep. truly, i stand amazed that God wants to even re-use the imperfect and inadequate and weak me. this could very well be the 1st best decision i've made in 2009 -- to continue to serve as a CL. i've learnt that i am not perfect, and shouldnt expect to be infalliable in all things, i've learnt that serving God is truly a privilege and not a chore or more work. I've learnt that I have so much to be thankful for to God in the past year. I want to and is learning to consider others better than myself. I want to put away pride and learn true humility and servanthood from my Lord Jesus. He made himself nothing... though he is God. nothing. and who can i claim myself to be, except nothing?
i need to know and remind myself, i am nothing without Christ. it is when i reduce myself to nothing, and deny myself, then God is everything, and God can be God. self idolisation is idolatry. when i think i can do something apart from Christ, i am just deceiving myself.
Dear Lord, teach me true humility and what it means to serve You with the attitude of Christ. Indeed, i am nothing without you. Apart from you i can bear no fruit. Teach me the way to abide in You each and every day. Lord i just want to be able to absorb all that lessons you're teaching me now. I want to know you more. examine and test my heart Lord and create in me a pure and undivided heart. Give me a heart that humbly serves You and your people. a heart that will continue to love even more this year. expand my heart to always love You and your people.
bcos of what the Lord has shown me, i am hopeful and excited about 2009. I believe I will not serve grudgingly but joyfully and faithfully, bcos God is the source of my satisfaction, and His people the object of my interest!
Serene, 25, Christian
a sinner saved by God's grace.
a beloved child of God.
a social worker (youth).
a daughter.
a sister to 2 younger siblings.
Your Love
"This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." -1 John 4:10
Loves n Adores
*God; the Father, Son Jesus and Holy Spirit
*Family; Tan
*Church; Grace Assembly of God
*My close friends
*My cell group; AHH (After His Heart)
*Youths
*Missions
*Children
*Good food, Chocolates and Ice-cream!
