“Lord, send me anywhere, only go with me. Lay any burden on me, only sustain me.”Thanks Matt. These words mean a lot to me cos i understand how precious they are. Thanks bro. =)
just met up with my EA team members to discuss our prep for the upcoming trip. I was very excited and enthusiastic about this trip, been looking forward to be a blessing to the people there. Somehow, i had believed it was going to be a fun and light-hearted trip. Should not be a big problem, we'll just do what we have been doing here. What could stop us?
Well, i was only thinking of MY own trip.
God had something else in mind.
I stopped dead in my tracks when i read the article Ps Cuixian gave each of us. It was about a cult in China and its extensive influence in China, how they were actively persecuting the Church and Christians there with their twisted doctrines and vile methods of unconverting Christians.
Fear and disgust filled me as i continued reading about the atrocities done to the Christians there. If such a situation is present now in China, would God not care? and If i am more concerned about my own fufilment of my own goals in this mission, aint i missing out God's point?
What does GOD wants us to do over there?
That is the crux. That is the essence.
Woe to us if we misunderstood God's intentions.
It is a real "battlefield" out there, how can i expect to sit back and relac? It is an ETERNITY difference. Our brothers and sisters are out there, resisting and fighting Satan. What are WE thinking of? i am painfully aware now and reminded of my real mission. Dear all believers, have your mission become real to u? if no, pls pray u will soon. If we are not out there in the battlefield, let us fight the Devil with our cries, petitions, prayers and intercession to our Abba Father. He will crush Satan under His feet.
God, forgive me for only thinking of my own fufilment when your people are dying for Your name. Open my eyes to see Your plans and intentions in China. Put upon my heart Your heart's desire. Have me do nothing except your will in China. Use me as your instrument of grace and hope. Sustain me only by your name. I ask that u help me to discern your voice clearly even in the dark. Help me to walk in your truth and light, bringing Your hope and love to those whom you bring upon my path.
亲爱的天父,
我开始明了你的旨意
你深爱你的子女
你要抚平他们受伤的灵魂
告诉他们你什么都知道
我不知道你会带领我们到那里
只知道你会与我们同在
你的慈爱会保护我们
天父, 我祈祷你指引我们
照亮我们的道路
使用我们, 给破碎的心灵带希望
给滨冷的心添暖
给迷失方向的，你的光茫
让我们不停的传颂你给的希望
你那比天还高
比海还深的慈爱
奉主耶稣基督的名祷告， Amen.
Pls pray with us as we pray with China. Let us fight the good fight together, run the good race.
All the ends of the earth will remember and turn to the Lord, and all the families of the nations will bow down before him, for dominion belongs to the Lord and he rules over the nations.
Psa 22:27-28
there is little reason in my mind and heart to forgive u after what u have done to us. i still cannot fully understand nor comprehend why u did those thingsi just know u have hurt us deeply.so much so that everything is telling us to ignore u and all those ugly memories u bring forthyet a surging part of me empathises w u, still loves ui know it cant be wholly mesomething so subtle yet poignantstirring me to forgiveIf i ever found the courage to accept uit is because God filled me with his love.God's love keeps no record of wrongs. Always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perserveres.i'll pray for u.
有些事我只想对你说
因你比任何人都爱我
痛苦从眼中流下
我知道你为我擦
在早晨我也要来对你说
主耶稣今天我为你活
所需要的力量你天天赐给我
你恩典够我用。
i'm contented with what i have now.perhaps discontentment is making a lot of us unhappy about many things.oh, we dont have this, this, that, that.well, perhaps it would be comforting to know that the rich man is seldom truly happy?the man i see singing everyday at the mrt underpass looks very happy.he is singing his songs, passing his day, entertaining the busy passerbys. sometimes, no one actually bothers to hear what he is singing. Yet he sings faithfully. And got QC one. Thus happiness lies less in what we have, than being contented for what we already have.Dont u agree?dunno why i suddenly sound so philosophical..! A sign of ageing maybe. HA.maybe i have been seen much of life's unhappiness and sorrow that i truly understand what it means to treasure what i have. and that is contentment. it doesnt take a lot for me to smile actually. HA. bcos when u are sick of crying, u learn to smile. perhaps i give many people the impression that i am this happy-go-lucky, optimistic and easily contented girl. How i wish i was really so free-spirited! i've learnt to. God is such an awesome God that no matter how sad i may be, He always brighten up my day. Knowing that there is someone out there who loves me so deeply and accept me so freely is the most important reason why i have no need for more.Walking with You is my greatest joy.=)I love u , Jesus.
i am going East Asia for mission trip this July. Each time i come to think of how i even decided to sign up for this trip, i am left amused. Amused not at this trip. But amused at how i tried to strike a deal with God. And later how He struck the deal with me. HA. God is so amusingly cute. The funny thing is we always think we have a much well thought out plan than God, that if we present our plan to God, He will surely be pleased with us and pat us on the back. Heh. As if God doesn't know our thoughts!!!?? k, my bargain with God was that i asked God to let me know if he wanted me to go EA. Simple right? But in my heart, i did not want to go la. U could say i ask for the sake of asking. So i din pray hard for God to answer me. So when i sense no answer from Him, i guessed God doesn't want me to go China la. But as i made the decision not to go in my heart during the last day of registration, i felt uneasy. So to make sure i asked God again. This time, i told Him i would go if He wants me to. As i stood in worship, waiting for His answer, 2 words appeared in my mind. "圣灵"i immediately knew what that means. Personally, it meant that i am to go "not by power, not by might, but by the Holy Spirit". For non-christians friends, this means that i am to go on this trip, relying on the spirit of God or put simply, know that God's presence will be with me whenever i go. Prior to this trip, i had so many perceived and real deliberations, insecurities and fears. I needed God to know all these. As if God haven't considered these things.Those 2 words meant a lot to me. They represent God's assurance to me that He knows what i am worried of and He has them taken care of. They hold also God's promise to me that He would enable me for the task ahead.i was naive. But that doesnt mean i am ignoring reality. I know what i have to give up and sacrifice in order to go for this trip. And i am prepared to give them up so that i can go. I know my mum would kick up a fuss about this trip cos i am paying for it myself and i am going for a cause she neither supports nor identify with. I see the huge efforts and time i would have to put into mastering Hua Yu in a mere few months time. Still, the biggest concern is finances. Would i be able to save all that i need for this trip? What if i fail to save enough? will i have enough to live on after this trip? There are so many reasons i can rattle off for not going on this trip, yet i know deep down in my soul, all these reasons cannot stand up to that one single reason that Christ died for me.If God cared so much for me that He sent Jesus to die for me, who am i to say no?If Jesus be God and died for me, then nothing can be too hard for me to do for Him.So with God behind me and ahead of me, i'm pressing forth.I am going. No second thoughts. No regrets. I'm surrendering my naivety into Your sovereignty.
what's loving a guy all about?
is it about having him?
is it about getting a "i am attached" status?
is it security that lonely nights are past?the only time i think i really loved someone was when i truly learnt to love. It taught me a prcious lesson about loving someone. Love isnt possession. Love isnt about security even. when u say u love, u do not hold on to any of your rights. u willingly give them up, for the best interest of your love.cos all u want, is the best for him. and i've learnt, what is not meant to be will not be.and if God wills, then let me be the one, instead of me looking for that special one.
"Nothing can come in between God and His faithful soldiers when their hearts are as One".- JosiahThat is so true, isnt it? Whenever we feel so dry in ministry, we lose sight on God. However, if we pause to be still, we'll realise God has never left his faithful servants in the lurch. He never forgets any of his faithful followers. He is always near when they are far away. He is always reaching out to those who are lost. He is always protecting those whom love Him. have u become cold to God's warmth?Nothing can come in between God and His faithful soldiers when their hearts are as One.
many things that happened lately left me clueless.and i suddenly realise my ignorance is frustrating meam i really too naive to think that everything will eventually turn out well? Is it just my wishful thinking? Who really cares? and the thing is, after all these happen, i dont wish to think too much, care too much, be bothered with much. Cos after all, i am left worse than when i first started out. I dunno if i cared too much for my own good. I cant detach myself from my feelings. I need to understand. some friends advised against this nature of mine. "what good does it do for u to know the truth?"well, EVERYTHING! Knowing the truth means a lot to me. I am a person who needs to know what is going on. I dont expect u to tell me everything. But at least u allow me to hear your side of the story. that way, i wont feel dismissed. i feel i dunno how to talk to u anymore.OFFICE POLITICS is exasperating me. sometimes, i hope very much that my colleague would just stop telling me about what's happening to who and who in the company, who's been doing what. It is always the same old story, so much so it becomes sickening. i dont want to hear about such horrible stories. in short, i hate politics. i feel that listening to it makes me one of its kind. So i prefer not to hear.nowadays, i shut my ears to many things. Many of which i dont wish to face. Am i trying to free myself or am i creating more bondage for myself?
爱的喧言
17 Mar 2007
On this special afternoon, my dear friend and sister registered her marriage with her boyfriend, Wayne. I was one of the honoured few to witness their declaration of love and union. It was a day filled with the blessings of their loved ones. An atmosphere of pure bliss and sweet joy. I feel so happy for them! It is truly a time of "Love is in the air". More than that, they have decided to walk the rest of their lives with each other. "In health and in sickness, till death do us part."
I do.
This post is specially dedicated to Michelle and Wayne. May you continue to love and honour one another for the rest of your lives.
Sweet Newlyweds!
Marriage is for life.
Aw....so sweet!
Wayne was re-enacting for us how he proposed. By the way he tried to kneel yet bend, u could tell it was not easy. HA. 
Above: This is my fave pic of this pair of lovebirds!!
Blissful Bride. 
Kiss of love. Hao xin fu orh!
Love does not end with marriage.
i'm praising You again
For u alone deserve the praise
i'm so in awe
so in awe of who u say u are
i cant say i always understand Your ways
but i know all i need to know
it is a simple story, actually
of how u came and died for me
i just need the conviction that u really love me
and u do, dont u?
to come all the way
to be so human
to feel every pain
to know every deed
to die the most painful death
to pay for all our wrongs
at the end, u wont tell me to repay u for the suffering; u dont hand me the bills
u did all these not to ask me why i do those hurtful things
but what u wanted to show me was that: the reason u were willing to be crucified, was cos of Your great love for man, and that includes me.
So that those who believe will not perish, but will have eternal life.
So i'll remember u chose to walk this path
You knew what You were doing
You knew what You would face
You knew Your fate
Still You came.
Why would someone so good die for someone so bad?
If it isnt bcos You love,i dunno how else to explain.
So...i'm praising You again!!!
dont think i have showed u all this photo right?
of cos la, so unglam, i thought for very long before posting this here!!! and now i am showing all u guys photo from my zhen cang leh, so better appreciate ah! *winks*
there i was. in batam on mission trip last yr. these were the kids who came to the church service w their parents! so cute right? I missed them! I missed the joy of missions!
today i accidently found out that one of my colleagues is leaving SOON cos she found another job already. This is like the 3rd time in barely 3 months that someone is leaving the company. Is it this company? Or like people always say, a case of greener pasture?it's demoralising hor? and this is the 2nd time colleagues who are also my friends leave. in future, i will feel so lonely at work, cos no more friends at work liao. It is so hard to find friends at work, now they leaving one by one. On the other side, i have to feel happy for them cos they really have found greener pasture. Cant possibly not support them right. but support them means i will be alone. haiz. its conflicting. never mind la, i am quite used to operating alone, just don't like it only ma."pls dont leave..."I wish u well. =)
if u know u are leaving earth soon, what would u do?
i would do what matters most.
what matters most?
to different people, that answer varies.
when i am up there, all i want to know is that all whom i love and hopefully all whom i know, join me there.
Isnt that the heartbeat of Jesus?
i think i would nv have treasured my life as much if i did not have quite a few near-death experiences. and i would not have gained a fresh new perspective on living and dying. On a few occasions, i almost died ..and it was terrifying la.
what scared me most was leaving today.
what would i leave behind?
Would i see anyone i know or love in heaven?
and that's why i believe in sharing Christ with the people i know. it is costly to ignore that urgency. I know i don't have all the time on earth to do this.
i seemed to have reached a new level of understanding that my life should be all about Jesus.
if i am living today, it should all be about Jesus.
If i am leaving today, i should all be Jesus's.
Jesus declared : " I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty. "
i don't mind being a fool for Your name sake.
i will pray, i will intercede, i will do what i can do best.
it's sinking in. I never felt such strong emotions since the last time i sent someone off at the airport almost 2 yrs ago. i dont wanna be the one to experience such send-offs ever again.. No, i didn't cry. but i was left unsettled. it happened when i went w Maisie to send my 2 cousins and grandmother off at the airport last sat. Just when we were bidding Michelle good-bye at the departure gate, something unexpected happened. After Maisie gave Michelle a hug, Michelle teared! It was the 1st time both of us saw her cry. we were shocked, didn't know how to react. After which, tears welled up in Maisie's eyes too. I did not cry but i knew what those tears meant.
i felt helpless.
afterwards, i left unsettled; in feelings n thoughts.
finally its sinking in and piecing together....
we love our cousins so much yet only see them once a year. we want to be close to them when they are so far away. we want to be there for them when the only times when we are, are the few weeks they are in Sg. and we've missed out so much of their growing up! we are only jie jies for a few weeks of the yr! were we there when they needed someone? were we there when we knew they needed someone?
it's unsettling just to think of all these possibilities.
during Cny when we met up, i realised we've missed so much of their lives. they have grown so much without us. and when we spent time w them during cny, i am so glad they enjoyed themselves. yet when i see them enjoying our company, i know they'll miss us more. and we'll miss them more.
i wished we the jie jies and kor kors could be there for them more. when we saw how much they have learnt to take care of themselves and care for others, we were touched.
and i also find myself loving them more!
among the cousins, Marcus, Michelle, Johnson, Charlie and my brother have not accepted Christ yet. I keep praying they will.
cos i want the best for the ones i love. Jesus is the best. and i want them to have the best.
miss u all!!
Aw....so sweet!
Wayne was re-enacting for us how he proposed. By the way he tried to kneel yet bend, u could tell it was not easy. HA. 
Above: This is my fave pic of this pair of lovebirds!!
Blissful Bride. 
there i was. in batam on mission trip last yr. these were the kids who came to the church service w their parents! so cute right? I missed them! I missed the joy of missions!
