i am going East Asia for mission trip this July. Each time i come to think of how i even decided to sign up for this trip, i am left amused. Amused not at this trip. But amused at how i tried to strike a deal with God. And later how He struck the deal with me. HA. God is so amusingly cute. The funny thing is we always think we have a much well thought out plan than God, that if we present our plan to God, He will surely be pleased with us and pat us on the back. Heh. As if God doesn't know our thoughts!!!?? k, my bargain with God was that i asked God to let me know if he wanted me to go EA. Simple right? But in my heart, i did not want to go la. U could say i ask for the sake of asking. So i din pray hard for God to answer me. So when i sense no answer from Him, i guessed God doesn't want me to go China la. But as i made the decision not to go in my heart during the last day of registration, i felt uneasy. So to make sure i asked God again. This time, i told Him i would go if He wants me to. As i stood in worship, waiting for His answer, 2 words appeared in my mind. "圣灵"i immediately knew what that means. Personally, it meant that i am to go "not by power, not by might, but by the Holy Spirit". For non-christians friends, this means that i am to go on this trip, relying on the spirit of God or put simply, know that God's presence will be with me whenever i go. Prior to this trip, i had so many perceived and real deliberations, insecurities and fears. I needed God to know all these. As if God haven't considered these things.Those 2 words meant a lot to me. They represent God's assurance to me that He knows what i am worried of and He has them taken care of. They hold also God's promise to me that He would enable me for the task ahead.i was naive. But that doesnt mean i am ignoring reality. I know what i have to give up and sacrifice in order to go for this trip. And i am prepared to give them up so that i can go. I know my mum would kick up a fuss about this trip cos i am paying for it myself and i am going for a cause she neither supports nor identify with. I see the huge efforts and time i would have to put into mastering Hua Yu in a mere few months time. Still, the biggest concern is finances. Would i be able to save all that i need for this trip? What if i fail to save enough? will i have enough to live on after this trip? There are so many reasons i can rattle off for not going on this trip, yet i know deep down in my soul, all these reasons cannot stand up to that one single reason that Christ died for me.If God cared so much for me that He sent Jesus to die for me, who am i to say no?If Jesus be God and died for me, then nothing can be too hard for me to do for Him.So with God behind me and ahead of me, i'm pressing forth.I am going. No second thoughts. No regrets. I'm surrendering my naivety into Your sovereignty.
