31st May 2007
we celebrate Jess's bdae on 7th June....we had dinner at HArbourfront Pastamania. It was SOOOO crowded and rowdy...and we couldnt get any seats!!! until the manager (i suppose!) came out and took charge of managing the crowds, rearranging tables and maximising the no of seats by moving smaller grouops to smaller tables, that we are able to sit all together! That's what a manager is for ya? Kudos to him for doing his strategic part!
kkzz....then we went (kkk...i tink its only me) went...all loose when we started to take pictures!!! heee....was suggesting all sorts of silly poses for them! HA...phototaking is meant to be FUN isnt it? Who wants to look at family portraits all the time?
heeee.......tadatata......!!!!!this is my fave photo!!!! dont we look more like we are dancing here?
by someone close.
it feels as if someone pierces something sharp into your heart
at the first poke, the pain is unbearable to the point u wanna surrender, u cry out!
at the subsequent pokes, the knife becomes more blunt and becomes of that, u are able to take more pokes before yelling out in pain.
but no matter how much u've gottten used to the poking, each poke just crushes your spirit.
it is depressing and disappointing to be the victim over and over again.
it just...disillusionise the soul.
hopes of ceasing the poking just drop with each poke.
when will it stop?
something i always dont understand is why someone close can be so callous?
ridiculous, unreasonable and mean?
calculative, hot-tempered and impatient with someone of her own family?
there is little evidence of love, but a truck of hate!
it consumes everything and everyone in sight!
beware.
are u still the person i know?
are u still the one i grew up under?
i cant be sure anymore.
God pls come and help.
my heart is filled with holes that needs mending.
her heart is filled with bitterness that needs Your love.
it was until i started typing the resignation letter that i was filled with much gan chu. As i pondered what goes into the content, my mind also took a walk down memory lane. i was suddenly gripped by the impact of the letter. I was leaving. and for once, that realisation was hard to swallow. I could almost cry. only..almost. i didn't know leaving this job could be so emotional for me, bcos i did not really enjoy what i was doing there. i've like, told milllions friends zilllions times, i am going to quit the job! then today, it finally came true. i finally concretised my thoughts. then now, i feel that tinge of sadness. mixed with apprehension, nostalgic, warmth. i remembered how others showed me kindness, grace and patience. even when i made mistakes, i was never screamed at nor punished by any of the operations team. for that i am reminded that i have to be grateful for working with colleagues like these! they aint bad! isnt that already a huge comfort to working world newbies like me? pls be grateful Serene, for colleagues like them! a nagging thought that persisted in my mind as i typed the letter.yes, i am truly grateful for them, as i remembered the times i spent with them, how they trained and taught and coach me so many things. i dunno if this is what people call sentimental, although i did not really like this job, i know somewhere in my heart, there will always be a portion dedicated to certain dear colleagues from this company. they are just so sweet in hard manners.perhaps as the days to my last day draws near, i would feel less sad...i dunnooo..perhaps i would feel more sad!! ya, that's a possibility too....but since i've made up my mind i shall not look back.. i shall keep happy memories of this place forever in my mind. while this chapter of my life is closing, another is beginning. i'll be going mission trip in late july.. after which i will decide what my next career will be. i feel uncertain that i dunno what to expect. friends have been asking me.. and i've decided i'd ask God!i just pray i'd have the courage to go whenever He takes me.His will will never take you where His grace cannot keep you.
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I (Jesus) have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."
-John 10:10
i gain an understanding and appreciation of this verse today as i attended the church services. It has been a long while since i could attend svcs on a SUNDAY cos my work schedule is such that i work on sundays. SUNDAYS have always been my church days mah....
so i was very HAPPY to be able to go church today!!!!
i MISS church on SUNdays so much.......and meeting Joyce to go svc together! I so missed u too! Going church with you, and being stupid together, praying for each other and experiencing our awesome God and being touched by Abba Father together! i missed ur company, dear pal! dont miss me out k! I may be out of your sight for a while, but dont put me out of mind k!!!!
so today, i went for a grand total of 3 services. The adult and youth svcs at my church and an evening combined svc at my sis's church @ New Creation. I am really thankful for today...so i am very kiasu so i go for as many svc i can in a day. i guess distance makes the heart grow fonder.
oh....about why i said the above verse speaks to me is bcos, if u analyse the statement, u would see that it provides the reader with the specifics that it leaves none of its reader any discretion on their part to guess. It is pretty obvious to the reader that the "abundant life" mentioned by no means refers to a mediocre life! It is life to the FULL.
not half emtpy, nor half full.
the glass is FULL.
so what does it mean to have a FULL life?
in my understanding, it is to living life to the maximum. it is a life with great meaning and purpose. A life of goodness, greatness, impact, influence, blessings. A life that meets every deepest needs. A life truly satisfied in itself.
Essentially, its a life of NO lack.
Its FULL.
I want this kind of life!
Dont you?
she beams to the whole world! today i found myself behaving like i was so much younger as i was trying out clothes at Espirit, centrepoint. As i went around hunting for the clothes i had long set my eyes upon, every step i took was somehow a movement of excitment + spontaneosity. In fact, it seems more like i was rattling clothing after clothing off the shelves and racks, undeterred by whatever is printed on their tags. For once, numbers lost their bargaining power.
Inside the dressing room, i began to grin delightfully at the mirror image for every piece of clothing i tried on. "Don't i just look great?"
"Yeah, i think i do!"
Other than trying on clothes that i've always fancied, little me could purchase them all at half price! That is like every girl's dream come true! Such a surreal moment. Pause.
Chiong ah!!!!!!!!!!
and little me ends up buying 3 Espirit tops that i like at less than 50 dollars!
earlier on at the workplace today,
little me was also beaming after a student's comment.
"You are very pretty!" the female student's comment was loud enough for everyone in the classroom.
at that instant, i was stunned and did not know how i should respond.
so little me did not respond to that very flattering comment except to walk away, beaming.
little me is beaming less bcos of the ego boosting part of the comment, but more for the part that shows appreciation. At the very least, someone cared enough to notice me. At least it tells me that i am not doing a nobody's job.
and that, is enough reason for a little girl to beam. little girls LOVE attention... that's why a little girl would glee shyly whenever someone notices her printed flowery dress and comments she looks lovely in it. The initial quiet composure soon gives way to a free-spirited movement of spontanteosity as the little girl now prances happily to show off her dress.
a little girl becomes free-spirited when she is happy! a girlfriend once shared with me her vision, where she sees that she is this little girl, dancing in the garden. It was a beautiful and scenic garden, and it was as if God was there with her in the garden. The little girl felt no fear, no shame, no sadness. She felt so free she danced and she pranced. And she was happy. It was not a childish moment. It was a child-like moment.
and dont we, as beloved children of God, beam with delight when we, like little children, respond to the love of our Father? 
that child-like moment, i can imagine, is a pleasing sight in the Father's eyes.
i met mummy, sis and bro for our weekly dinner just now..though i was late for dinner, i was just so glad i finally get to spend time with the whole family. And how IMPORTANT it is to spend time with FAMILY..i get disappointed whenever we have to cancel our weekly dinner..cos that means i have to wait for another week for the next one. i really learnt to treasure my family more now, and i'm trying NOT to take them for granted. i feel so blessed just being with them. i give thanks to God for this. and yes, i need to spend more time with them. one more week to church retreat! i am quite excited about it though i dunno what to expect cos it will be my 1st time. i hope it will be a blessed time together with the whole church! things have not been encouraging lately as i evaluated my r/s with God, and my cell. Attendance had dipped and my r/s with God is "rusty and distant". dunno what i should do. i need to go back to God for directions.there have been quite a few changes in cell lately, mainly with regards to the members. i feel so fearful and helpless...i pray that i will do the right things.God, light the fire again.if everyday of my life is a page, I wish that God would be on every page.
Lord, thank you. =)
© GospelGifs
been bothered by an issue recently and i've tried to find ways to resolve it... its been something that's quite irritating..cos i know what i should do, yet i dont seem to want to do what i should do. . i let it bother me...when in fact, i CANT do anything to change it. i talked to a few good friends about it and am grateful for their advice and words of wisdom. coincidentally, all 3 of them have been through it, that they could share with me their experience. Thank God for them...after talking with them, i feel so much better and comforted to know i am not alone in this struggle.=)i realise that this desire is as human as it can be, and perhaps will become stronger with time..actually i still dunno how best i can handle it..but i want to commit this to God. i choose to believe God knows best and dont wanna believe anything less.i had a weird dream the other day. i dreamt that i was flipping through the bible and chanced upon 2 verses. As i took a closer look and read these 2 verses, tears strolled down my eyes uncontrollably. I was crying in the dream! I vaguely remember the verses were about God's forgiveness ...i cried because i was very touched by what the verses meant. In real life, i had felt that God was so distant from me. In reel, it was as if God was drawing near through the verses. I just remembered crying and crying. When i woke up, i realised my face was wet with tears! strangely, i dont remember the verses! i thought i had tried to find out which chapter of the bible it was. now i cannot remember....=(
I believe the reason why i cried so hard in reel is bcos in real, i had been crying inside. Something in the dream triggered the inside and caused a tangible outburst.God became so real in my dream.and i realised how much i've been missing Him.
u told me u're going for missions..
Let's serve the Lord together. =)
what does it mean to surrender everything to God?i've learnt recently what it means not. and in the process, what it is.its not praying for God's will yet not waiting for God's reply.its not committing plans to God, then going by your intuitions.its not asking God for relief in times of trouble, but for the strength to see u through.its not taking your final decision or prevailing circumstances to be God's will.surrendering everything to God means;letting everything be decided by God.everythingevery single plannot plans already made.it is letting God make the plans for uit is letting God shape ur destiny and who u are to becomeit is stopping when God doesnt give the green lightand moving forward when God gives greenGod can provide and He will provideDo not be anxious for anythingand..He will make your paths straight.wow..i din expect to learn so much in a simple meet up with Wallis and Arron. Wallis shared about his work and what God has taught him and laid upon his heart in the marketplace."The worst thing a Christian can do is to be out of the will of God."very true and well said.i dont wanna be out...but have i consciously chosen to be in?i think i did not.What Wallis shared made me think twice of quitting my job. Have i really surrendered to God or have i presumed i did?i shall pray again about this.Wallis, thanks for your sharing. i appreciate that u initiate meet ups like this. I think it is essential for Christians to come together to minister and support one another. I sense the presence of God during the discussion, may He be glorified in our christian fellowship. =)
the look of distrust on your face i will not forgetit seemed that in ur world, u dislike mistakesu wouldn't want to tolerate any imperfectionsor is it that u are scared that it would implicate u?it isn't the first time i saw that look of distrust on ur facewhy cant u be more magnanimous?dont u allow error in your world?haiz.
that is the reason why i became wary of uprobably not u, but ur intentionscos the look on ur face can be quite unkind, quite an ugly sight to beholdi've seen it so many timescould u be well meaning?well i tried to believe sobut it just aint convincing after a whilei'm skeptical of your characteri doubt your motives to be goodhaiz.If only u were as nice as u seem to be.i'd like to believe so.
oh oh...my new haircut!!! ha...of cos the beautiful 4....
Su Teck, we din bully you.....*swear%%%%
I am the victim!! see my bittergourd face?
The birthday gal and her love.
we are always galfriends.
Jess and Mic..buddy sisters.
Lovely doves in dancing pose. not bad for 1st timers huh?
kkkk....i tell u what, lets raise our hands high and dance around. ..kk?
