i was about to sleep.. but something stirred in my heart.I was reminded of my brothers and sisters in christ in china.i thought especially of the adult brothers and sisters i befriended last year in the mission trips.my spirit is stirred as i think of them, their persecution, their great faith in God, their immense love for God. they love God so much! they love God even though serving God means for them hurt, agony and pain! memory brought to my mind a particular brother. when i first knew him, he was always full of humor, and always laughing. Little did i know that he had left his home to serve God in another town and missed his wife and child alot! Once we gathered in the living room after dinner to sing worship songs. It was a spontaneous act, so everyone just randomly picked the songs to sing. There was this particular song that one of us chose, and they picked this brother to sing this song for us. They said that whenever this brother sings this song, he would tear, and told us to get him to sing for us. I never knew how much this song echoed the heart of this brother till he obliged and sang for us. As he sang the song, tears welled up in his eyes. It was then that i realised why. That song spoke of his unspeakable agony and heartache of being separated from his own family. The truth that his one and only hope is in Christ, and that one day, the hope to be brought back home to heaven with God. as he tried hard to maintain his composure to finish singing the song.. some of the sisters who knew this brother's story also teared. for a "foreigner" like me, i can't help but also teared. how could anyone not be moved by this brother's love for God? he left everything to follow Christ. He denied himself the need to be with his family, and followed God's calling for his life. I stand in amazement at this brother's life; his great faith and his great love for God. love for God that puts God first, a love for God that chooses to deny his own self. then there was another elderly brother we got to know whose prayer request to us was - that God gives him strength to labour on for God till the end of his life, that he will serve God till the end. even as i think about this brother and many other brothers and sisters in china, i was burdened and moved to pray. and one of my cries to God was " Father, deliver them from the evil one. Give them the strength to serve you till the very end. "and i heard God say to me 2 Cor 12:9-10; "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."Amen God!
Here at 7.45pm, i just completed a short jog around the queenstown neighbourhood. and as i sit here blogging, sweating profusely. ha..yes profusely is the word. never knew i could possibly sweat so much! as a young child, i was the only one in the family who wouldn't sweat. Could u believe it? My mum and sis sweat easily and i was the one who wouldnt sweat no matter what- even under the hottest weather. and u know abt the theory that if u dont sweat, it is unhealthy cos the salt in u cant get out. LOL. that was then. now i sweat. Ha..a jog is good! feel so fresh and awake now!Today is a beautiful day, a beautiful Sunday. I woke up early enough to go for the 9am service. Being in church on a Sunday really makes all the difference. It set the whole day in the right perspective. God's presence was so strong, sweet and comforting and soothing. I asked myself, where could anywhere else possibly be better than in God's house? No wonder King David had only 1 request he asked of God. He said in Psalms 27:4 ,"One thing I ask of the Lord,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
and to seek him in his temple."
truly, better is one day in the house of God than thousands elsewhere. truly, nowhere can be better than in God's presence. after church, i went Redhill market for breakfast and to find mummy. After that i went home, and wanted to take a short nap, wake up at 1pm and do some work. then.. i slept right through to 4.45pm, woken up by mummy's call! LOL. i was supposed to meet her for dinner. Then i washed up and went to meet mummy for dinner at Alexandra. But it was a good sleep. I felt more refreshed after the LONG nap. then after dinner, mummy suggested strolling along the newly built bridge structure. It was SOOO COOOL...very beautiful scenery. Should have brought my camera! Oh, the place we went to was called Hortpark. . then we walked from there to Telok Blangah Hill Park. The bridge structure is so COOL... u could really get a good view of the surrounding neighbourhood. There was no high rise buildings to block the view. U get the full view of the forest and greenery. In fact, there was quite a crowd of people using the bridge. U could use the bridge to get to Kent Ridge Park, Telok Blangah Park or Mount Faber! So exciting right! The Henderson Waves is also completed liao.. i wanted to go there but mummy decided not to walk further. nvm, next time! Anyway the bridge is so near my house! (",)It was a good walk with mummy. Initially mummy was so scared of the height that she held on to my arm. Then she slowly overcame her fear of heights and dared to look down, and walked alone! YEah! It was a good bonding session for me and mummy. She is so cute la. And i really should spend more time with Mummy. sometimes i'd wish i could give mummy a better life.. if only i earn more, i could give her more. if only i were smarter, then maybe i wouldnt make her worry so much. really feel that mummy deserves better after being through so much in life. so i sometimes wished i could give her a better life. but deep down i know i could give mummy lots of money and it wouldnt make her happier. but if i would spend more time with her, she would be!that's a mother heart isnt it? it is so simple. there is really no point earning lots of money and neglecting time with your family and loved ones. =)after the walk, we came home. and i decided to go jog! Mummy was against it cos she said quite late liao, but i insisted and told her will only be a short run. So i put on my sister's sports shoes (shhhh, dont tell her! but she reads my blog! oh..ha), cos mine is spoilt liao, and went to jog around the neighbourhood! It was a slow jog though, din want to risk killing myself. LOL. I think i jogged for about 15 minutes, then head home. Could have jogged further but decided not to cos getting dark. OH this is quite random, but did u read about the molest case in NUS? So scary rite? I cant remember if i've used that walkway before, looked familiar.. anyway, better dont risk it ya..even if its a shortcut. So....NO LATE nights home for me! Yes i m serious. I will be a cinderella that reaches home before 12am LATEST. LOL.This is my beautiful sunday. Jesus is my beautiful saviour.
Hi friends, i'd be Malacca for my church retreat tmr-13 june. be back on fri evening. just felt that i should inform in cos anyone think i am "dao" and dont pick up calls! Well. . i will bring my hp along.. though no auto roam, only can sms. but i dont think you would wanna sms me and i dont think i would wanna reply you cos its 30CENTS! haaaa.. ya lor.. i'll reply u when i'm back. let me enjoy my retreat! but most likely i will have to think of work! quite alot of planning to be done for upcoming projects.i actually have very high hopes for this retreat! I hope that i can really RETREAT! and take a good BREAK from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. But it seems like the retreat program is packed for the youth side. We'll be spending a great deal of our time playing the Life Game. hopefuly i will be able to retreat in my own way, find that space and breather, to seek God. =)
meanwhile, enjoy June my readers!
it is difficult to deal with disappointment.
have u ever tried very hard at something and yet fail?
have u ever given something your very best and still, someone says its not enough?
have u ever given your all yet realise there is actually nothing you could give.
i think the most scary part about failing is not the falling but the standing up.
i went home from cell that day feeling discouraged and defeated. it was an all time low for me. i didnt what else i could do to make things better anymore. i felt like crying...but the tears didn't flow. must leadership be a lonely path?
and i realise what i desire most now is to be in God's presence...to lay everything aside and sit at the feet of Jesus. i have enough of being a Martha. Now i just want to be a Mary. Mary has chosen what is better. Mary has chosen to sit down at Jesus's feet and listen to Him.
I'll walk with you, wherever you go
through tears and joy, i'll trust in you.
"Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."
-Isaiah 40:31
This is such a familiar passage in the bible. yet as God reminded me of these verses, i begin to ponder on what it means to really hope in the Lord. How is it that hoping in the Lord can give so much strength; that allows us to soar like eagles, run and not grow weary and walk and not be faint? Is it possible that those who hope in the Lord can gain so much strength?perhaps these verses speak louder to me bcos i have been trying to battle busyness. I hate it when i am so busy with work that i have no time for other things. i hate it when there are so many things wanting my attention, so many things to be done. It is so hard to get a breather. and it is hard to finish lunch without thinking of work. even at home, my mind still doesnt rest thinking about work. a long sleep is really a much desired luxury for me now! even my weekends, the only times i get to sleep in later, have been occupied. trying to make time for everything and everyone is not possible la.. time passes so fast, and is gone. Am i just gonna let my time be filled with work? now, even my time with God is sacrificed. . i find it hard to spend regular time in prayer and reading the bible. I want to make more time for God, but i dont have more time! It is actually a matter of prioritising, which ones comes first, which ones to give up.ideally, i want to be able to make time for God, family and relatives, ministry, and for all of my friends. In reality, it is not possible. cos i need to rest also and there is only 24hrs in a day!where can i find the strength to carry on this balancing act. for how long can i sustain this hectic lifestyle? God, help me find a balance. help me to be disciplined to organise my time and prioritise well. that i'll use the days and time you've given me the way you wanted me to. Thank You Lord!spending time with family and loved ones is really important and essential for one's mental health..i realise. the support and warmth of one's kins provide much nuture and assurance for one's soul. =) dear readers, remember to have enough rest. do nto let busyness eat u away! its not worth neglecting health for work. dont let work be an idol in your life. let God help u set your priorities right.
yes 3rd june is my mummy's birthday.
just hours ago, my bro, sis and i bought my mum for dinner at Ministry of Food at Bugis Junction. we had an early dinner at 5plus. we had planned this dinner in advance. In fact i think all 3 of us (mummy's "kiddos") were looking forward to celebrating mummy's birthday! So I think it was no coincidence when all 3 of us arrived earlier at Bugis than mum! Strangely though, this time round, she was late! usually is she wait for us... haa..we so mean right, always make her wait for us. though unplanned, all 3 of us waited for mum! Sweet hor... haa.. i think mummy think so too! When she saw the 3 of us, she was pleasantly surprised and couldnt stop smiling! what can be a mummy greatest's joy? while having dinner, the 3 of us ordered rice sets that came with 2 main dishes which cost $17-$20. and mummy? she only ordered a $9.90 teriyaki chicken bento. Her reason? all the rest of the food very expensive. my brother told her, " you bu yong ni huan qian (also not you paying)" mummy replied, "zhe mer gui, wo ye bu she de hua zhe ge qian (but so expensive, i also dont want to spend so much money."
at that moment, i was very touched by mummy's words. even thou we are treating her, and its her birthday, she was thinking of helping us save money! I bet she would have felt more comfortable having dinner at a coffeeshop! As young people, we dont always understand wat our parents are thinking about. Initially, i felt like telling mum; "its your birthday, dont worry about the cost, just order! we treat you." Then when i heard her explanation, i decided against it. If mummy feels happier helping us save money, then let her be.
As long as she is happy.
the truth is: money cannot buy happiness.
i used to struggle alot with forgiving and loving my mum. i used to think she hates me and is intentionally mean, and biased towards me among my other siblings! I used to hate her very much. but as God continues to work in my heart to forgive her, i’ve outgrown that kind of thinking and learnt to love my mum the way God loves me. If God has chosen to forgive all my sins, surely i can choose to forgive my mum in spite of what she has done. Also, when i realised and began to see how much she has sacrificed and laboured to raise the 3 of us single-handedly, i cannot deny any longer the fact that actually my mum loves us very much.
and today i realise though the 3 of us "rascals" aka "mummy's worry creators" dont often tell mummy how much we love her; i know for a fact, all 3 of us love her very much! But she will always love us more than we love her.
=) Dear God, thank you for giving us Mummies!
(ps: specially put fonts in blue cos its mummy's all time fave colour!)
