pls pray for me and my family.
my last 3-4 years had been fraught with uncertainty and anxiety, sleepless nights (me mostly) and recurrent worrying..in fact everything din just fall apart when u left-everyting just collapsed. and we who are left struggle alot and worked very hard to piece everything together. though we know we wont be able to, that we can only try to hold things together, and keep things from falling apart. at least if we can maintain some consistency, there is a stability. however, things has never been the same, things has never really reached stability..
all these has made me more independent..has knitted my family tighter...made me and my sis more dependent upon God. we've seen and experienced so many times when we were at our wits ends, when all we could do were to pray... and nothing else. And God has provided. God has answered. There is no one other than God who could have sustained us for so long.
financially, emotionally, psychologically, socially, physically.
and who can we trust wholly other than God alone?
and things took a turn recently.. divorce is a wreck. it destroys kinship and all relationships. pls keep me and my family in prayer. Pray that God will give us the wisdom and discerment to do the right things and we will not be consumed or mastered by bitterness, anger, malice or any evil desire. Pray that we will instead be prayerful and let God be our advocate and overcome this season with prayer, God's love, peace and assurance. Pray that this will not disunite the family but will draw all of us closer to God and to one another. i know God cares for our family. That is so comforting. i pray we will not seek our own ways but His.
youth worker? i havent sent my resume although i've agreed to the suggestion. i am so painfully aware of my own failures and weaknesses that i am unable to muster any courage to send out the resume. I've failed. I have tried but still failed. I am still haunted by my past failures. i am disappointed with myself. I am not able to trust myself, how can i be trusted? =( it is a dilemma. I need God's assurance on this. i know i cannot do this by myself. i dont trust my own efforts for they have failed me. It will either take much concerted, intentional and consistent discipline on my part or God's supernatural way for this to work. pls uphold me in prayer on this, that i will be able to discern God's calling for me. To be a youth worker is going to be more than challenging for me, it will require a total transformation in my lifestyle and perspective. yes i love youths, i have the passion but i totally have no confidence in myself that i am competent in youth work. Myaybe my confidence shouldnt even be in myself, but in the Lord. =) Pray that i would have the faith to press on.
internship. planning is never easy.. reminded of this when hiccups like miscommunication and delays occurred..hmmm...but i still enjoy my internship!!! all these are not so important i guess when u've found what you really want to do. i may not like being misunderstood or delays or rejection (part and parcel), yet they constitute the reality of my job. How can i expect to run away from reality? unless i want to live in fantasy but i do not. I used to prefer to avoid unpleasant/uncomfortable things or situations at all costs. Now i've learnt to face them. Cos avoiding or running away doesnt make the unpleasantness go away, it just temporarily puts it off. Facing up to the reality or tackling the unpleasant things head-on will dissipate the unpleasantness. Facing difficult people or people whom we are uncomfortable with will also cause us to examine our own characters. upon self examination and God's conviction, i know mine's not flawless.
afterall the unpleasantness we feel is more likely to be psychological than real.
thanks for reading.
and thanks if u will be praying for me. =)
went to send Joey off on sun night at the airport. He will be working in Shanghai for the next 6 months. He wont be away long term. He will also be back for Christmas and CNY. I think like what he said, a farewell party for him was weird- he wasnt gonna be gone for long or forever- he will be back. However, the difference is, he had left everything here behind and is starting afresh in another country. He chose to leave whatever he has in Sg to venture into unfamilar grounds and uncertainty. Yet, for him to leave everything and everyone here behind was hard. I am sure, given his character, he would have thought of all the pros and cons and have considered almost every aspect of leaving vs not leaving. What matters most for him i guess was and is God's assurance. He said he will probably miss all of us more than we would miss him.....which only emphasized how hard it was for him to let go. Despite that, he must have felt God's assurance when he chose to go. I think all of us at the airport were supportive of his decision. We are unanimous that God is in control and God is going to take care of Joey and that God is taking Joey there for a greater purpose which we do not yet know. Though we do not know, we trust in God's sovereignty and provision. So we are all "letting Joey go" in our own ways...in the roles he had played in our lives, letting go of our attachment to him, letting go of our dependence on him..we're learning what it means to let go and let God.
We sent him off with God's love and with our affection . =)
Kor, continue to be a man after God's heart!
me, joey and sis.
i was manning the church's youth centre yesterday and there were only a few boys playing xbox. normally we'll have more. that day, we only have like 4. So its like the centre, me and 4 boys. i left them to play while i did my work. Meanwhile, it was raining cats and dogs outside.After a while, 2 boys wanted to borrow an umbrella to go buy some tibits. When they were back, i was on the phone, and one of the boys handed me a bar of kit kat and said it was for me. "for me?" - i was still talking on the phone but my mind was like "for me?"so sweet lah! smiles.i was quite stunned for a while..before i could take it the fact that, other than buying their tibits, the boy also bought something for me as well...i did not even ask for it. It was his own initiative. wow..i really cannot believe this la...HA..well, i find this hard to believe cos i was judging him based on my critical, "mature", adultish lens. if i've seen this through simple, pure and youthful lens-i would have believed and could even have anticipated this. how small is my lens, and how "thick" it has become that i no longer expect to see these sweet details. how come?what we are expecting to see will shape what we'll see. -isnt this true most of the time?now i wanna expect to see these sweet details with my believing, pure and youthful lens. cos i want to believe these boys and youths have great potential to become the persons that God intended them to be,they too deserve the best that only God can offer.I want to strive to have a heart that loves, a mind that believes in potential, and a soul full of hope.
14 Oct 2007-Sun 5PM-Location, Harbourfront MRT stationwe couz seldom meet up but when we do, like this one, i really enjoyed the time spent together catching up on each other's lives. i am primarily a family person cos i love such get to-gethers!Johnsonyour dog-Frappe, straightforward Malay driving instructor, help your dad in his catering biz, your interest in cooking, late for 45 minutes, your filial piety expressed through helping your dad, your candidness, your superduper frankness, your rudeness, your improved dress sense, and lastly i wont forget your quirky responses such as these; 1) "你们真的要排队啊?" (...有假的吗？)2) "哇，很paiseh lei ，只有我一个人吃这样大碗的.." then after when he finally saw another table order the same "typhoon" noodles as him, he couldnt stop himself from looking at their expressions and kept giggling!3) "没有人给他我就给他lor!!! "-- and he meant kiss. *gasped* 4) "我妈妈疼frappe多过疼他的儿子lei !"LOL. smiles.
Hey couz, jia you ba! I believe 你做的到的! If u work hard and continue to press on, you can be successful in life and make your parents proud. Your humble and dare to try attitude will carry u far. most importantly must be 脚踏实地.. Tinayour patience, your honesty in sharing your weakness, your constant concern for your family's salvation and reaching out to them, your openess, your giggling, your tender heart for people, your compassion, your passion for nursing never fails to amaze me, your serious attitude to work, your hard work and effort to achieve your goal of studying nursing at the poly. Congrats!!! 你做到了！So proud of u and happy for u! =) God is so good!!! =) We meet up soon ok!
Birthday boy with his new shirt. Grins. You were so happy right?of cos.
its branded. lol.
We went Cine 's kbox after dinner. Before that, they were having dinner at Xin Wang. Before that i was in church. So i actually missed the whole dinner and mingling ard part! I'll try not to miss any part next time! *grins*
Su Teck, hope that you had enjoyed urself! And hope u'll find the gifts beneficial for u. know that u are looking for a new job right now, i pray that you will be able to find a good permanent career, a career u really like and will be successful in. My prayer for u is also that u will be able to forge strong friendships and relationships in the workplace. Lastly, i pray that God will lead and guide u to your other half in life, in His timing. I also pray for God's blessings to be upon you and your family, may u all experience and come to know God and his love. =) in Jesus's precious name i pray, Amen!
The Mix n Mash, Cook and Dash Evening....
That's Eddie...
Jondave...
The SP cell..
Priscillia...
Jeanette and Jondave....
Sharon...
Sharon and i...singing Guan Huai Fang Shi..
The NS guys...
was FABULOUS!!!! KUDOS to all the organisers- Eddie, En Zheng and Lisheng! Well done guys!!! I enjoyed myself very mucch...so much so i couldnt bear to leave even thou i was late for my friend's bday celebration....haha...everyone was so busy mingling and chilling..such fellowship...i like. HA...more of these k?? Love the YA and YAs...hahah...
oh...and for the 1st time in YA history...i sang in front of all the YAs and Pastors!!!! alamak, can u imagine? My hands were like trembling on stage as i held the mike and after i went offstage!!! ahhaha...i was really jin zhang, although i was trying my best to be relxed....showed that i DO have stage fright afterall....hope i din sound VERY off key!!! HA..
and yes, going by the number of live performances, we do have many talented and gifted people in R-AGE!! That's so cool...we can use them for God! I pray we will all glorify God with our gifts and talents!!! =)
oh...the event itself we were divided into groups to buy and cook different types of food. When all the food is done, we gathered back in G2 to eat and watched live performances and our very own song dedications..
i had soooooo MUCHHH FUN making tangyuan with Jondave, Jia Liang, Eddie, Cheryl and Ken Hao. Our TANGYUAN is the BEST ! ha...we had peanut coated ones, nutella filled one, empty filling ones, puny ones and gigantic ones, round ones and out of shape ones!!!! HAHAHA..so fun la...u should have seen our proud creationS! Sure u nv see before one! hmm...too bad i din have it on my cam...but i hope the ph0tographers had took pics of our tangyuan.... =)
it was a blessed night of sweet Christian fellowship.=)
attended the PNP (Prayer and Power) svc in church earlier, it was a special svc with Ps Paul Goulet. It was great! His preaching was specific and timely for us. It is time for us to get intimate with God and just rest and dwell in his presence. Seems like a long long time since we last seeked God as a church. And how can we not, when we are planning now for next yr's events, setting nxt yr's visions and goals? Singaporeans work too hard. We need to be reminded to pray and wait in the presence of God. How often do we rush, proj after projs, retreat after retreat, camp after camp, svc after svc, day after day..without stopping to hear Abba Father?
and that's why today's svc was good. We finally took time to slow down and listen to God. We still our hearts and come before the Father. Get so close to God that we can hear his still, small voice.
"You reproduce what you're intimate with." -ps paul goulet
internship has been great so far!!! =)
although recently i've been frustrated and angry with one of the youths i'm doing bible study with.
i felt that she was really demanding too much of my time and attention.
worst is, i felt so manipulated by her! Manipulation is something i absolutely detest! it is mean to manipulate anyone! that's just so immature and selfish. really affected me so much that i just want to avoid her altogether.
but i guess it is my own helplessness that i am more upset with.
as i was pouring out my woes to God, i was reminded of God's love for me. and i know He will bring me through. So i determine to perservere. I dont deny that this incident has shakened my resolute to be a youth worker. i even thought of giving up it all.. yet when i was reminded once again last night, who my God is-His character, i felt faith rising again... and i tell myself i will still press on and bravely face what is to come.
You've seen me through many tears
Yet never once did you give up on me
Nor stop believing in me.
Even though i fall and stray so many times
Each time i call out
You're never far
Each time i seek, thee i find
When others have forsaken and trampled upon,
You treat as precious beloved
You're always faithful, always loving, always true
Jesus...when all i do is cry
You never once despise
When all i do is prone to failure
You cheer, encourage and love.
What a God i've found!
Full of mercy, tenderness and loving care.
I often ask you
When nobody loves, why do u still?
Truth is : You still love even when nobody does.
You are love.
That is Your nature.
Really, knowing You was the best thing that ever happened to me.
You love sustains me.
Thank You Lord!
(",)(",)(",)(",)(",)(",)(",)(",)(",)(",)(",)(",)(",)(",)(",)(",)(",)(",)(",)(",)"You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound."-Psa 4:7
a joy that's greater than having any material possession has gripped me.
favoritism.
i hate it when 1 person treat 2 different people so differently
i hate it when that same person is so nice to 1 and not the other
and i hate it most when i am the one not favoured.
why must there be such favoritism?
i get really pissed when this happens and yet i cannot do anything about it but sulk.
pathetic leh...but sadly i cant control how people behave. i wish i can thou!
i wish this wouldnt affect me so much..but it does.
and i feel slighted when that happens, makes me feel lesser, not accepted, unloved.
maybe i need more assurance that i am loved for who i am.
Dear Jesus, I pray that You will begin to show me the plan you have for me. I am so unable and helpless. Yet it is only times like this that i learn to depend on you. You said in your word, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."-Matt 19:26. So help me Lord.
1) Brother Chin Seng's and Ervina's migration to Perth
2) Maisie 21st Birthday Celebration at Essential Brews
happened on the same day-30 Oct 2007.
i'm now in the midst of sorting out my emotions. so many events can just happen in a day that one has no time to make sense of them all. can it be that even after a long while, u are still processing that event which happened yrs ago? Its likely!today i decided not to go office..decided to just let myself rest..decided not to be bothered by smses or phonecalls..missed a few of her calls..decided not to reply her smses...decided to not care so much about things and let loose for a while.I accompanied my bro to the hairdresser and watched on as he sat in the hairdresser's chair, having his hair cut. it was actually therapeutic. ha..i sat there doing nothing but watch. just din feeling like doing anything in fact. actually for the whole day i was like that.then i asked Mic and Jess for dinner but it turned out that they had already met up earlier for lunch..and Mic had tuition in the night so couldnt make it. they thought that i had work so didn't ask me to join. in the end, i just da bao from the coffeeshop and ate at home. I don't like to eat alone. But i guess it is a task i have to learn to enjoy..if not i will feel miserable everytime i eat alone. i can stand being alone, but i can't stand being lonely! ahhhh..the bane of life. ha. sometimes i think i am too much a loner..but situations have it tt i am always left alone..so after a while..i automatically lone alone. i am someone whom many may find hard to fathom..or understand..but u will understand and truly know me if u are a listener, and not just a friend. =)i need quiet moments away from the crowds, from work, from activities to be with myself and God. i will need time to get used to being alone again.
in everything, i always hope the best for things. dont like to think too complicated or too chim. i like to keep things simple and innocent. =)
Birthday boy with his new shirt. Grins. You were so happy right?
Jondave...
The SP cell..
Priscillia...
Jeanette and Jondave....
Sharon...
Sharon and i...singing Guan Huai Fang Shi..
The NS guys...
Dear Jesus, I pray that You will begin to show me the plan you have for me. I am so unable and helpless. Yet it is only times like this that i learn to depend on you. You said in your word, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."-Matt 19:26. So help me Lord.
1) Brother Chin Seng's and Ervina's migration to Perth 
2) Maisie 21st Birthday Celebration at Essential Brews