pls pray for me and my family.
my last 3-4 years had been fraught with uncertainty and anxiety, sleepless nights (me mostly) and recurrent worrying..in fact everything din just fall apart when u left-everyting just collapsed. and we who are left struggle alot and worked very hard to piece everything together. though we know we wont be able to, that we can only try to hold things together, and keep things from falling apart. at least if we can maintain some consistency, there is a stability. however, things has never been the same, things has never really reached stability..
all these has made me more independent..has knitted my family tighter...made me and my sis more dependent upon God. we've seen and experienced so many times when we were at our wits ends, when all we could do were to pray... and nothing else. And God has provided. God has answered. There is no one other than God who could have sustained us for so long.
financially, emotionally, psychologically, socially, physically.
and who can we trust wholly other than God alone?
and things took a turn recently.. divorce is a wreck. it destroys kinship and all relationships. pls keep me and my family in prayer. Pray that God will give us the wisdom and discerment to do the right things and we will not be consumed or mastered by bitterness, anger, malice or any evil desire. Pray that we will instead be prayerful and let God be our advocate and overcome this season with prayer, God's love, peace and assurance. Pray that this will not disunite the family but will draw all of us closer to God and to one another. i know God cares for our family. That is so comforting. i pray we will not seek our own ways but His.
youth worker? i havent sent my resume although i've agreed to the suggestion. i am so painfully aware of my own failures and weaknesses that i am unable to muster any courage to send out the resume. I've failed. I have tried but still failed. I am still haunted by my past failures. i am disappointed with myself. I am not able to trust myself, how can i be trusted? =( it is a dilemma. I need God's assurance on this. i know i cannot do this by myself. i dont trust my own efforts for they have failed me. It will either take much concerted, intentional and consistent discipline on my part or God's supernatural way for this to work. pls uphold me in prayer on this, that i will be able to discern God's calling for me. To be a youth worker is going to be more than challenging for me, it will require a total transformation in my lifestyle and perspective. yes i love youths, i have the passion but i totally have no confidence in myself that i am competent in youth work. Myaybe my confidence shouldnt even be in myself, but in the Lord. =) Pray that i would have the faith to press on.
internship. planning is never easy.. reminded of this when hiccups like miscommunication and delays occurred..hmmm...but i still enjoy my internship!!! all these are not so important i guess when u've found what you really want to do. i may not like being misunderstood or delays or rejection (part and parcel), yet they constitute the reality of my job. How can i expect to run away from reality? unless i want to live in fantasy but i do not. I used to prefer to avoid unpleasant/uncomfortable things or situations at all costs. Now i've learnt to face them. Cos avoiding or running away doesnt make the unpleasantness go away, it just temporarily puts it off. Facing up to the reality or tackling the unpleasant things head-on will dissipate the unpleasantness. Facing difficult people or people whom we are uncomfortable with will also cause us to examine our own characters. upon self examination and God's conviction, i know mine's not flawless.
afterall the unpleasantness we feel is more likely to be psychological than real.
thanks for reading.
and thanks if u will be praying for me. =)
