been very POOR past few days.. and pay is coming in only next tues :(


but God taught me a few lessons on in my financial poverty!


It's funny when i was comparing my bank account balance with Ed and Matt in different conversations in the same week, and i discovered that i was really POORer! haha... like no one could beat me.. but yeah, who wants to win in that aspect man? :)


so ya i was poor and i was feeling really poor after the comparison! :(


The below took place on thurs.........Poverty Episode 1

Ed shared his blog post of stewardship with me and i was totally awed by what i read! yes i agree. God is more concerned about the persons we are, our character, than what we eat! what we spend on! or how much money we have. reminds me of Matt 6:25-27. "Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"


really practical reminder for all of us who likes to worry...esp about $. esp me! i get super depressed when i am running low on cash! But ya God says dont worry! He knows our needs and he will provide! And He reminds us how valuable we are in his sight. :) How precious we are to him.


wow.


:) Indeed, we serve a great God! What's amazing is He loves us very much! :)


and yes, i just got my claims today! so now i'm not that broke. :) but i guess that's the exciting part of faith and trusting God- Trusting God when you do not see. Trusting God when you do not have. Trusting God because He is Lord. :)


PRAISE GOD! :)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

still have porverty episode 2 and 3! stay tuned! i need to go sleep now cos have church service tmr morn! nite!

posted by ser @ 1:42 AM   0 Comments

1) Its all about God, not me.


2) evangelism.


3) cannot not minister.

posted by ser @ 6:00 AM   0 Comments

my sincere and heartfelt thanks and appreciation to all who have emailed, smsed or msned me with ur support and guaranteed presence and help if i need, after my post on "support" over the last few days. i really didnt expect that many responses la! din know i so popular one.. haha but maybe thats not an accurate way of measuring one's popularity! anyway.. i am so thankful and grateful for all of your support. thank you for taking time to encourage me, and for asking how am i. eventually i didnt meet up with any close friends or talked to anyone on the phone. but strangely somehow, the msn, smses and email were enough to make me feel supported. :) maybe all i needed was affirmation more than a physical presence. though it didnt turn out the way i expected, i am content to receive the smses, msn, email nonetheless.


thank you for showing me care and concern. i am just more assured than ever that i have friends who cares, and who are willing to support me if ever i need help, a shoulder to cry on, a shoulder to lean on in times of need. :)


a heartfelt THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. :) xie xie ni!


omg, its so late now. i need to sleep! Goodnight! :)

posted by ser @ 2:30 AM   0 Comments

i really need support right now. not really prayer wise, but the physical support and presence of a few trusted friends to be with me through this period.


but the thing is i dunno whom of my close and trusted friends are available.


and i feel really lonely now..is it just me here with all these problems and burdens? or is there a few who can help me through this process? I wish i have some companionship..


and it helps alot to know there are a few who wants to help. thanks marsh n wing sun. ur willingness to come in, and ur call really helped. it means much to me, cos i know i am not in this alone.


i really miss my close galfriends now like joi, yiting, jess, yin, ps esther, brenda, hannah... but we are not able to meet up cos our schedules are all packed.. =(
its really a luxury to be able to have HTHT (heart to heart talk) at this stage of my life (the working adults). and msn doesnt count! :(


when someone suddenly changes or do something not in line with who you know them to be, i find it very scary. it throws u off guard and u begin to ask yourself, "is this the person i used to know?" how are u suppose to make sense of it? brush it off or keep questioning? confrontation or quiet acceptance? i find that when this happens, i can't really trust the person like how i used to or even to respect him or her. i find it hard to treat them the same way before. my perception of them has changed. it is really sad when this happens. but who is to blame? has there been an explanation? is there any logical and valid enough explanation?


dear friend(s), when you walked out of my life, you took some of my smiles and sweet memories of our friendship away...everytime i think of you, i feel something amiss, not right.. and i long for those times where we are just friends, being a friend to each other. now we are not ...... its another =( in my life. but i hope u're happy, even if happier without me, i guess i should be contented. :)


guess i'm feeling emo again tonight.. but thank God i still have YOU. Dear God you are here with me, my saviour my king, my everything. Oh Jesus, you are.


Goodnight! :)

posted by ser @ 12:23 AM   0 Comments

:)

He is.



i'm just so MOVED and GRATEFUL by Jesus's great love, a love that compelled him to go the way of the cross. all the way to the cross to be crucified for all sins. all the way to be crucified to die. it is not too far fetched to say that Jesus lived to die. And when he died, he atoned for the sins of man. He paid the penalty of their sins. Penalty which man (humans) ourselves should bear. For the wages of sin is death. But Jesus died for our sins, so that we dont have to pay for the penalty. It should have been us on the cross. we should be the ones suffering for our own sins. but bcos only God can take away sins, and bcos he loves us so much, He sent His son Jesus, his only son, to die for our sins.


and Jesus, bcos he loves us too, willingly endured and went to the cross to be crucified.

not only did Jesus died, He rose again on the 3rd day, on what we know today as Easter. And bcos He lives, we who believe in Him, lives with him also. We serve a living God.


"Here is a trustworthy saying:
If we died with him,
we will also live with him;
if we endure,
we will also reign with him.
If we disown him,
he will also disown us;
if we are faithless,
he will remain faithful,
for he cannot disown himself."

-2 Tim 2:11-13


"Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. " -Romans 5:7-8

posted by ser @ 12:01 AM   0 Comments

i dunno why but i miss my dad now. suddenly reminded of him now. for a long time, i never miss dad. now i just did. chanced upon a picture of me and sis with dad at the airport 2 years ago i think. in the photo, all 3 of us had such happy smiles. that was really a forgotten memory.


why?


missing him isnt exactly a nice feeling cos it brings back many bittersweet memories.

........


just because i try to forget doesnt mean i wont remember.


no matter what he's doing now, i just pray he'll be good and fine. :) dont really wish for anything more now. If he's happy and well, i'd be glad.

posted by ser @ 1:16 AM   0 Comments

today, as i was doing my quiet time while fasting lunch, i decided to study the passage in the bible about the feeding of four/five thousand in the 4 gospels, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. This was one of the miracles recorded in all the 4 gospels.


This miracle was recorded in Matthew 15:29-39, Mark 6:30-44, Luke 9:10-17 and John 6:15.


There are some slight variations in the record of this event in the 4 gospels like the no of people (was it 4 or 5 thousand?) and the no. of baskets left over (is it 7 or 12 baskets?), and which came first, (was it Jesus who asked the disciples to feed the crowd first or was it the disciples who asked Jesus to send the crowd away first?). hmmm... other than these slight differences, I noticed some common points in this feeding of the thousand event;


1) Venue of the feeding - a remote place, in the mountainside.

2) there was a great crowd of people by the thousand (men, women and children)

3) Both Jesus and his disciples saw the crowd's hunger.

4) In reponse to the hunger, the disciples told Jesus to send the crowd away so that they could buy food to eat.

5) In response to the hunger, Jesus told his disciples "you give them something to eat" and asked them what food were available.

6) The disciples replied they only had a few loaves of bread and a few fish. They also saw the huge amount of money involved to feed such a great crowd and the little food they had --it was not enough to feed so many.

7) Jesus took the loaves and fish, gave thanks and distributed the food among the crowd.

8) There was enough food for everyone and everyone had their fill.

9) When all was fed, the disciples gathered back several basketfuls leftovers of food! In Matthew it was recorded as 7 baskets, in Mark, Luke and John, it was recorded as 12 baskets!


Key Points of understanding for me:
-The difference between the disciples and Jesus when they both saw the great need is, that Jesus was the the one who provided for that need.


-When God sees a great need, He uses what we have/what is available, however little it seems/ however not enough and produces much more to meet that need.


-Feeding the thousands is beyond the disciples, but not beyond Jesus.


-Jesus used the little to feed many.


-There is enough for everyone when God supplies.


-God's supply is enough, and more than enough for all.


Application:
-When I see a great need and the little that i have, what do i do?

-When I see a great need and God tells me to give them something to eat, what will i do?

-What do i have? What are the few loaves of bread and small fish that i have? What are my available resources/gifts/talents/things that God could use?


maybe listening to Corrinne May's Five Loaves and Two Fishes will help as you think through these questions.........just as it helped me... and i found out that;

nothing I (you) have is too little for God to use!!!

posted by ser @ 4:20 PM   0 Comments

Dear Jesus, i pray that you reign in the Tan family.


visited grandma in sgh earlier just now with Tina, my sis and her friend Vinny. grandma was hospitalised cos of an op on her arm for dialysis. after we had dinner, we went to find grandma in the dialysis ward. Tina's mum and Martha (the maid) were there too.


then Martha said that she wanted to go home and take long pants as it was cold in the hospital and that she would have to stay another day in the hospital. Tina's mum started to get agitated and forbid Martha to go home. she started to be very angry and asked Martha to go home by herself. she also said some nasty words about her, all this in our presence. the situation became uncomfortable and tense. Martha then replied dejectedly that she would not go home.


:(


the atmosphere remained uneasy. and all 3 of us cousins didn't know what to say or do. Vinny then came in to speak to Martha in bahasa indonesia as both of them are Indonesians. Vinny started to take out her bible and asked Martha to take out hers. The bahasa indonesia bible she had was just given to her today by Tina! That is after Tina discovered that Martha is a believer! :) As the 2 of them conversed in Bahasa, Vinny started sharing with Martha bible verses, and talking to her.

meanwhile, the 3 of us turned our attention to grandma and chatted with her. Tina's mum left the ward after a while. then she called Tina to say that she was very angry with Martha and would remain outside the ward.

:(


we chatted with grandma for an hour or so before we decided to leave. amidst the unpleasantness and tension earlier, we started to chat with grandma about more light-hearted things. we asked whether she had dinner, and my sis coming to visit her finally after so long. grandma then shared with us about our parents' childhood, what a hard time she had while she was having my dad, how Grandpa prefers daughters insteads of sons, and that she used to wear 3 inches high heels! She told us a fact we never knew till now; she carried my dad in her womb for 12 months! and we were just so amused by the little snippets of history she shared with us of her younger days and our childhood. how each of us used to be like when we were young. :)
she said that Charlie was very cute when he was young. always had his signature cutesy pose of pointing 2 index fingers to his cheeks. how much my sis looks like a boy when she was young! a true blue tomboy with short crop and no smile. lol!!! :) i enjoyed this conversation alot.



by this time, Tina's mum still did not return. later at the lift lobby, Vinny shared with us her conversation with Martha. it seemed that she felt really misunderstood by Tina's mum. there is also a lot of miscommunication between the both of them. she feels unhappy that she is always accused and scolded.

:(

hearing that, our hearts just went out to her. we know how difficult it can be working in a foreign country. we knows what it feels like to be all alone. we know what it feels like to be misunderstood and accused. we just feel sorry towards her. :( yet we have no helpful solutions.


Tina went back to the ward later to retrieve something and told us that Martha apologised to her. Tina shared with us she feels that she should be the one to say sorry and feel bad.


:(


sigh..


there are too many :( today; in that 1 and a half hours of visit.


Dear Lord, i commit Martha into your hands. Lord you know her struggles, hurt and feelings. I pray Lord you will comfort her with Your word. Lord i pray you will encourage her and help her to sense and know Your love for her. Lord, may you continue to bless and protect her even as she works here in sg. Dear Lord, i pray that those around her will be kind and loving towards her. I pray that you'll tell her that she is loved and accepted by you> Dear Lord, may you take away the condmnation and bitterness she feels in her heart, i pray you give her your joy and peace even as she finds the courage to work on. Give her strength and help her through the days O Lord. Bless and protect her family back home too Lord. Thank you Lord, and i commit her into your loving hands, in the name of Jesus i pray, Amen.


Dear Lord, i pray you will intervene in our family. It is saddening to see others suffer bcos of us- yet we have no helpful solutions. Lord i know that you are good and have been gracious to our family; bringing the few of us cousins over the past few years to know you and accept you as Lord and saviour. Father i ask that you will continue to help us be the light and salt of this household you've put us in. Lord we are weak, but we know You are strong. Make a way for us to shine as Your light and proclaim Your truth boldly in this family. Lord i pray for the salvation of the Tans today and commit all the generations in this family into your hands. Just as you've brought us the 3rd generation to know you, Lord hold us and build us as Your mouthpiece and lighthouse in this family. Lord empower us and may you continue to be merciful and gracious to us. Dear Lord, in the name of Jesus, break down any stronghold and generation curse in this family. Dear Lord, have your way and will in this family. Thank you loving Father. I pray for the eyes and hearts of those who have not known you to be open. Dear Lord, may you continue to speak to them, and for them to hear you. Dear Lord, thank you. Dear Lord, help us to be kind to one another in the family and to those around us. In the most precious name of Jesus, i pray and commit the Tan family, Amen.

posted by ser @ 11:42 PM   0 Comments

-managing my current workload, work portfolio will change quite abit to include new areas of work and doing more outreach and networking which are not necessarily bad, but i really need time to adjust, learn and manage. too many things on the plate, need good time management.


-leading a team of youths and volunteers to Cambodia in Dec for community service


-leading AHH to a deeper level of growth in God and His word


-sharing my faith with grandma


-sharing my faith with my cousins, esp Johnson


-growing in my knowledge and understanding of/ in God's word (discipleship)


-going for at least one mission trip (though i think this is the least likely cos of my work schedule but i pray God makes a way! the place i wanna go is ea, but i have programs at the same time, so i dont think i can go. i dont mind like over the weekends kind, but ea is still my 1st choice. )


-financially supporting my brother in his poly studies (he's starting school on 22april..i think!)


-sticking to my fasting and praying every sun lunch! (this is becoming a routine for me, although i still get super hungry at dinner time! which is normal i think! i need weekly discipline to believe in it and see myself through this. hopefully i can fast like that for the whole year..but maybe i'd try 3months first. been through 6 weeks fasting and praying out of which 2 times i fail to do so; once cos was friend's bdae and another i actually forgot and ate! how funny rite?? lol. )

- oh just thot of this last one now.. it will be discovering God's calling for me in the next 2-3 years in terms of career. i think its social worker for now but the next few years, i am not too sure. dunno whether i should be happy or sad abt that. hmmm new things excites me, but changes too drastic can be scary....... but meanwhile, i just wanna enjoy my work as a social worker at REACH, giving my all and best to the work i'm called to do here. I know as i pray, God will show me His way, when He feels its time to move me. In your timing Lord! :)

these are some of the "giants" / personal goals and challenges for this year, and what i can think of right now. i pray i will face these "giants" boldly and not give up, stand firm in God and not bow down to defeat, and stop running away.


i think i have been running away for too long; running away from "giants" in my life which i cannot handle and dont want to handle. it has always been an area of weakness for me, and refuge to keep running away from demands, expectations and challenges, discomfort. guess it is time for me to stop running and face the giants. :) i run away, then in the end still face the same old giants i need to fight , so as to find a way out! lol. and i can run as far as i like, but i will never run out of God's hands. :) knowing that is comforting to me. for i know, whenever i run to, God is always wherever. where i am, there He will be. reminds me of Psa 139--where can i run to where God isnt?


:) so i just wanna stop running away, keep trusting in the Lord who knows me thoroughly, made me and will guide me.

posted by ser @ 11:00 PM   0 Comments