it's sinking in. I never felt such strong emotions since the last time i sent someone off at the airport almost 2 yrs ago. i dont wanna be the one to experience such send-offs ever again.. No, i didn't cry. but i was left unsettled. it happened when i went w Maisie to send my 2 cousins and grandmother off at the airport last sat. Just when we were bidding Michelle good-bye at the departure gate, something unexpected happened. After Maisie gave Michelle a hug, Michelle teared! It was the 1st time both of us saw her cry. we were shocked, didn't know how to react. After which, tears welled up in Maisie's eyes too. I did not cry but i knew what those tears meant.
i felt helpless.
afterwards, i left unsettled; in feelings n thoughts.
finally its sinking in and piecing together....
we love our cousins so much yet only see them once a year. we want to be close to them when they are so far away. we want to be there for them when the only times when we are, are the few weeks they are in Sg. and we've missed out so much of their growing up! we are only jie jies for a few weeks of the yr! were we there when they needed someone? were we there when we knew they needed someone?
it's unsettling just to think of all these possibilities.
during Cny when we met up, i realised we've missed so much of their lives. they have grown so much without us. and when we spent time w them during cny, i am so glad they enjoyed themselves. yet when i see them enjoying our company, i know they'll miss us more. and we'll miss them more.
i wished we the jie jies and kor kors could be there for them more. when we saw how much they have learnt to take care of themselves and care for others, we were touched.
and i also find myself loving them more!
among the cousins, Marcus, Michelle, Johnson, Charlie and my brother have not accepted Christ yet. I keep praying they will.
cos i want the best for the ones i love. Jesus is the best. and i want them to have the best.
miss u all!!
