footprints: GLAD TO BE BACK! looking back, it was a trip i wished i didn't have to go for. it is not that i dont like Cambodia. it is the nature of such a trip and the fact that i was leading it everyday there is like so stressful i was sharing with my cell i felt i suffered there. :( it was bad. even now i am still resolving within myself; trying to make sense of all the negative things that happened and to 'recover'. till now i am still very much affected. instead of it being my pride, i want to have nothing more to do with it! i think its because the trip brings back too many negative and stressful incidents that i do not want to re-live. i dunno if i'll ever find the confidence to lead such a trip again. this experience had killed so much of my joy that i couldnt even enjoy anything properly. it seemed, the negative experiences had overpowered the positive ones. been feeling down since i came back from the trip and whenever i think of this trip. it has now taken the no 1 spot on the 'much forgotten past' list! :( much as i want to move on from here, i realise i am not able to, because it has such a strong hold on me. i hope God help me find a way to stand back on my feet again.
and Sg is really a blessed place! as our plane touched down at Changi Airport, i kept thinking that we Singaporeans are so blessed to be able to live, work and move in such a place like this. too often we take the things in Sg for granted. how often should we remind ourselves that there are MANY people who may never live like we do! we have so much yet we complain so much, always hunger for more but never satisfied! this 2nd trip to Cambodia has really taught me humility and thankfulness. i saw poverty and meekness of heart--people who really have nothing (possession or wealth or roof), YET they are not greedy. They view what they are given with much gratefulness and humility.
christmas: this year was unique for a few reasons.
1) i organised a dinner and all 12 of my friends who said they would come, CAME! lol. awesome feat! imagine no one fly me aeroplane and chose to spend christmas night with me! that was an awesome honour! :) thanks to all who turned up and gamely brought a gift and dressed up to the theme! hope all of you had fun! i did! it was so much fun watching the reactions for the gift exchange!! hmmm, i should give out a best dressed award! and perhaps best prop? lol. loved that super clumsy gloves! ha.
2) i resumed the age old tradition of writing christmas cards. i think i wrote to around 12 people this time. this 12 people are really special and close to my heart. :) there are a few other close friends whom i did not write to, because i was really tired after writing all the cards in one night! i realise if i were to write a card for each person who mean much to me...... i'll prob take a week to finish! :) din really realise there are actually quite a significant no of people in my life who mattered to me until i started writing the cards. i enjoyed writing the cards! it was also a blessed time as i wrote, God brought to mind verses and encouragement for the individuals. i also find myself wanting to share my more personal thoughts and feelings with the one i'm writing to. so to you who received my card, you are so privileged! haha.. ;)
3) i missed Christmas service in church!!! ouch! it was really disappointing to not be there. this is the 1st time for the past 6 years that i was not in church on christmas. sigh x100. i think i really missed out much. its such a joy to celebrate christmas in church! note to self: SLEEP early on christmas eve!
outcome: decided, concluded. waiting; game over. settled, unsettling. readjust, feels different again. down. indecisiveness has taken its hold far too long down. took for granted. big difference. down. i'm lost. it doesn't help. it doesnt make me any better.
been thinking alot since. and i just hate how indecisive i can be. if indecisveness cost money, i would have been bankrupt many times over! at least u're decisive.
2010 resolution:
i remembered last year, mine was "to trust God in everything". after all the many things that happened in the past month, maybe this year my resolution should be, "make God everything". i was reading an online writeup that Matt recommended and the author said "i want to do something that takes everything out of me."
WOA. did that blow u away? it blew me!
what is it like to do something that takes everything out of you?
of cos the reason why the author came to make that decision was because she had hit rock bottom of life; and had to come to a decision on how she want to continue living her life or end it. Choosing to continue living the way she lived was not an option. And she chose to live, to live to dance. And she not just wanted to dance, she wanted to dance with all of herself, to the best of her ability.
Serene, 25, Christian
a sinner saved by God's grace.
a beloved child of God.
a social worker (youth).
a daughter.
a sister to 2 younger siblings.
Your Love
"This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." -1 John 4:10
Loves n Adores
*God; the Father, Son Jesus and Holy Spirit
*Family; Tan
*Church; Grace Assembly of God
*My close friends
*My cell group; AHH (After His Heart)
*Youths
*Missions
*Children
*Good food, Chocolates and Ice-cream!
