-i don't have to lead the Cambodia trip. i have been feeling so low and stressed about it. there are so many things to attend to, hiccups here and there, random "tasks" that crops up along the way that i have to handle (a thesis, pictures, 'tourist', writeup, rude correspondent). just knew today that 1 student is dropping out of the trip, and a few more still unconfirmed. it is so discouraging when you plan and work so hard for the trip, and as the date draws nearer, the team dont seem to progress. work is not done, no replies, no show......... :( its very depressing. and plus all the defeating thoughts that have been running through my mind; reminding me of my inadequacies and weaknesses. the mental struggle has been so real. its getting harder to press on like this.
how is a deflated and stressed leader going to lead a team?
-i can take a long break (1 week) away from work now to really rest and recharge. i'm tired and weary.
-i am more decisive in relationships, then i wouldnt have to hurt myself, others, and God.
-i can be more competent in my work, because i am handling more lives now, and i don't want to screw up.
-i would be less stressed about work. this is so obvious ya?
-i can be more of a "b**tch" .... because i find it so HARD to be nice to this particularly rude person, a person who does not answer my questions, or just gives me a one word answer. its so unfair! and it really irks me! i'm already trying to be nice and accomodating even when you throw such last min bombs/work to me. YET you dont show any appreciation at all! SO i really dont see any reason to be nice to you anymore. i think i'd have an easier time caring less about what you think, then to have you dismiss my kindness. i think i have enough of you.
-i would hear God clearly in these 3 areas of my life; ministry, career and relationship. i really need God to show me the direction, and i want to hear His will for me. God has been silent all this while, but i'll wait for Him.
my prayer tonight:
dear God, i have so many things on hand undone and unplanned, and so many decisions to make. things are such a mess now, and are at such a depressing state. Father i pray you'll help me. I give you praise for the donation raised and the approval for one tripper to go on the trip, i thank You that my assistant leader is able to go. Lord i know You are good, and You will see me through. Help me to perservere and renew my strength and faith each day. Each day is a gift from You, so Lord, help me to live it as a gift.
Serene, 25, Christian
a sinner saved by God's grace.
a beloved child of God.
a social worker (youth).
a daughter.
a sister to 2 younger siblings.
Your Love
"This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." -1 John 4:10
Loves n Adores
*God; the Father, Son Jesus and Holy Spirit
*Family; Tan
*Church; Grace Assembly of God
*My close friends
*My cell group; AHH (After His Heart)
*Youths
*Missions
*Children
*Good food, Chocolates and Ice-cream!
