the confusion, crossroads, and cares part 1 -who should decide?
Sunday, October 04, 2009
been thinking a lot about my life lately.. its like i'm doing a re-assessment of my life. it is also like doing a mid twenties evaluation -- young enough not to be old, yet old enough to still be considered young.
and these 3 Cs epitomise the main concerns (another C) i have regarding my life now. there are some confusion. i feel like i am standing at a crossroad now. there are also cares which weigh upon my heart.
and i find myself pause and take a step back to look at my life. look at what was in the past, what is happening now, and what the future would be like. and i assess many different areas of my life; my relationship with God, bgr, family, friendships, work direction and even my own behaviour. the last one is of particular interest to me because in the last few days, i notice a particular behaviour of mine which i always have, but increasingly find it irritable. i realise i tend to be overly obliging and i try to be obliging to everyone. tend to always be the nice and good accomodating person. and so much so that i always let others decide and keep quiet about my own preference. to be frank, it has come to a point recently when i realised in keeping quiet, i've let others decide for me what i'm to be a part of/join.
should i let others decide what i want?
in so doing, i realise that i am losing my own voice and opinions about things ! i let them decide what i am to do. and there are people who decide for me when i don't know what i want!
and the question i beat myself over is; why do i follow even when i disagree?why do i let others decide for me?
the danger is, if others have been making decisions for me, how would i ever learn to know what i want?
already more than once, i find myself following even when i disagree, and in the process i didn't find out what i really want. i also didn't do what i want.
increasingly i find myself wanting to break loose and break free of this. i want to find out what i really want. i want to do what i really want and i don't want to do what i dont want.
Serene, 25, Christian
a sinner saved by God's grace.
a beloved child of God.
a social worker (youth).
a daughter.
a sister to 2 younger siblings.
Your Love
"This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." -1 John 4:10
Loves n Adores
*God; the Father, Son Jesus and Holy Spirit
*Family; Tan
*Church; Grace Assembly of God
*My close friends
*My cell group; AHH (After His Heart)
*Youths
*Missions
*Children
*Good food, Chocolates and Ice-cream!
