the past week of work has been demoralising for me.. i feel so lousy about the work i am doing after the talk with my boss and team leader. that feeling really sucks. it was so bad that i wanted to just resign on the spot! to throw in the towel after 1 and a half years of social work. serious. have i really made a difference? why am i doing what i am doing now? what difference have i made in this 1 year plus as a social worker? any?i felt that i didn't do a good job...and maybe i didn't made any difference at all. i also felt helpless cos many times i dunno what i should do with regards to my work, so incompetent. things beyond me were thrusted into my hands. i swam without being taught the strokes, without a float- and i didn't ask for help. as a result, i fumble, struggle and eventually drown. and when confronted, i crumble. i began to see how unwise i acted. i felt slighted initially cos i felt so misunderstood. yet when i shared this with Matt, i realised i just didn't want to admit the truth. he's probably right, but i just couldnt take his words cos of my pride. my pride stopped me from being receptive to his feedback. it caused me to be defensive. so when friday came, when i had another meeting with my team leader, in which i was given feedback for my work, it was so hard to hear what was being said. yet i reminded myself not to let pride get me defensive. so i honestly revealed the challenges i faced and the helplessness i felt. there were so many areas that i overlooked and things i failed to follow up with. i felt really bad about myself, and about my work. tears streamed down my face as i pondered my own helplessness .and i told "God, you wanted me to be in this field right? and.. i am failing in it now..."and i asked God "what should i do now?" and in that moment with God, i realise i have been missing Him. and i just really need Him. i need to spend more time with God cos He has been waiting to spend time with me. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
what the pastor shared on sat at trinity church really touched my heart.a father and his little daughter needed to cross a river, and the bridge was narrow. the father said to his little girl, "hold tight to my hand". and his girl replied, "no, Daddy, you hold my hand." The father was bewildered and asked what is the difference. And his daughter replied, "If i hold your hand, if anything happens, i may just let go of your hand. But if you hold my hand, i know that no matter what,you will never let go."
