it is interesting that Zh asked me over msn just now.. how come i wrote so little about such an impactful and long retreat. hmmm.. i agree! I expected myself to write more too! And there is simply so much i can write about it! yet i also know, i need time to structure my thoughts and pen them into readable writings. blogging is a structured activity. however much u say that u can just type whatever that comes to your mind, still ur thoughts need to make sense in the English language and be grammatically correct to be read and understood. and that's why i never blog without thinking/pondering about what i am about to write. yes, my posts are processed thinking. :) blogging to me is very much a thinking process and reflection time.
and as i spend abit more time now thinking about how the retreat had impacted me, i am reminded of one of the more personal things God did for me. and i am grateful to God for helping me think through the issue, helping me see the reality, then helping me to let go, giving me His freedom and finally assuring me that i am loved by Him no matter whether anyone else loves me. whether or not another person loves me, DOES NOT negate God's love for me. It DOES NOt determine God's love for me.
God loves me anyway. God loves me still. God loves me no matter what. God loves me in spite of what i've done. God loves me the way He made me.
and i've finally experienced the freedom of letting go and letting God in this issue. i've finally found the resolution to this matter. i found out the truth about the matter; the truth i needed to hear and know. it was a prayer answered. it was the answer i had been dying yet fearful to know. and knowing the answer helped me to know what i needed to do; i needed to let it go and move on. i need to stop blowing bubbles of hope and to start leaning upon the rock of truth. i need to build my life in God's truth and not live in my own fantasy world.
yes, romance is definitely sweet and nice. but for me, that romance is a fairytale i've believed and lived in for the past few months. i need to wake up. i need to realise true romance is not a fantasy nor fairytale. True romance has to be real. it seems cruel to yourself to burst your own bubble, but sometimes, that is what you need to do, to help yourself see the reality of it all. to deny the truth, you only prolong the time you live in fantasy. to be frank, that means you've not been really living at all.
so yes, i've decided to wake up from my fantasy, burst all the bubbles, and continue to live in the truth. I've decided to be real and honest with myself, and move on for the glory of God. I've chosen to give this up in exchange for what God has for me. I do not know what God has for me, but i know as long as i walk in obedience to Him, he is a rewarder of those who seek Him earnestly. and His plans for me are plans to prosper and not to harm, plans to give me a future and a hope. And even if things are going to be harder from now on, His word tells me that His presence will be with me. He never leaves nor forsakes.
Hallelujah! :)
with giving it all up, i just feel so much more joy,peace and freedom to worship God. It frees up my emotions and thoughts to focus on God. when ur mind is preoccupied with someone else, you don't have much space for God. it is only when you put aside that someone else's thoughts that you truly become occupied and obessessed about God! You start thinking God's thoughts, and start feeling God's heart. this reminds me of the verse where Jesus said the greatest commandment is to : "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." -Mark 12:30
God taught me during the retreat, through this issue, to love him with all my heart and my mind. once, my heart and mind were preoccupied with another person. then, i learnt to love the Lord by being preoccupied with Him in my heart and mind.
the heart of worship is about my heart and God's heart becoming one.
Serene, 25, Christian
a sinner saved by God's grace.
a beloved child of God.
a social worker (youth).
a daughter.
a sister to 2 younger siblings.
Your Love
"This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." -1 John 4:10
Loves n Adores
*God; the Father, Son Jesus and Holy Spirit
*Family; Tan
*Church; Grace Assembly of God
*My close friends
*My cell group; AHH (After His Heart)
*Youths
*Missions
*Children
*Good food, Chocolates and Ice-cream!
