just very recently, just a few hours earlier...i was constantly reminded of a few individuals (friends and loved ones) who have not accepted Jesus in their lives/not Christians. their faces and names just flashed up in the screen of my mind. its like so random and yet so unforgettable.
and when those faces and names popped up in my mind, i would feel an ache in my heart. and i would feel so uneasy. if Jesus comes back now, and all the christians like myself go to heaven, and i see my loved ones and friends in hell....how would i feel?
i cant even begin to describe my feelings without tearing! tears just welled up even as i began to picture that scenario. and i feel so depressed just thinking about it. its more than that actually, i feel so torn! heartbreaking. disturbing. wrenching. tormenting. horrible feelings.
i really cannot imagine myself to be eternally separate from them! that would be hell for me!
and so in that moment of reminder, i prayed for courage to share the gospel with them. and talking to my cousin over msn just now helped me see my real struggle in sharing the gospel with them. the conversation is copied below;
>TinA<> prev time when u sre Christ, u didnt face any neg or rejection?
Serene - Serving for His glory. says: ya have
Serene - Serving for His glory. says: but it doesnt bother me so much now
Serene - Serving for His glory. says: now i just want so much to share to them
Serene - Serving for His glory. says: but i just.... dunno what to say sometimes
>TinA<>ok
Serene - Serving for His glory. says: its like i have so much burden
Serene - Serving for His glory. says: but for me to just tell them whats on my heart is like so HARD Serene - Serving for His glory. says: i think its pride!
Proverbs 16:18 (New King James Version) "Pride goes before destruction, And a haughty spirit before a fall. "
in modern terms, it means; Proverbs 16:18 (The Message) "First pride, then the crash— the bigger the ego, the harder the fall."
Proverbs 11:2 (NIV) says "When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom."
i have noticed so many times how my pride just gets in the way of me sharing the gospel. i'm not taking about pride as in the taking pride, but the ego and "face" issue that goes with identifying yourself as a believer. i think i am worse than Peter who denied Jesus 3 times! i probably, but not sharing my faith, have denied him so many times! and i feel so bad afterwards!! Just like Peter.
but now, i dont wish to continue like this. i want to share my faith boldly. but i really need courage. i really need to do without pride. i need humility. Dear Lord, help me. the worst thing i can do is not to share eternity with them.
Serene, 25, Christian
a sinner saved by God's grace.
a beloved child of God.
a social worker (youth).
a daughter.
a sister to 2 younger siblings.
Your Love
"This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." -1 John 4:10
Loves n Adores
*God; the Father, Son Jesus and Holy Spirit
*Family; Tan
*Church; Grace Assembly of God
*My close friends
*My cell group; AHH (After His Heart)
*Youths
*Missions
*Children
*Good food, Chocolates and Ice-cream!
