was blogging about how i felt so downcast the last post.
dinner with Ps Esther was really a divine appointment and i thanked for her and it! could really confide in almost everything with her, to vent my frustrations, to process my thoughts, to say my feelings out loud. She is 1 of the rare people i actually dared to cry in front of. thankful to God for her really, if not for her pastoral support and friendship, i think i'll burnout much sooner!
and i know what i needed- to spend time with God. i somehow had to be"forced " into praying bcos i only got down to praying when i heard some depressing news about my extended family from my sis. i didn't know what else i could do! The best thing i knew was to talk to God about it! So, I finally sat down to write in my journal to God and prayed. i was desperate then. my journaling was fast and forceful..just wanted to document everything down.. God already knew what i was going to write, yet i know i was writing for my own sake, so that i'll remember in time to come what i've gone through and how God has seen me through. So many times, i've re-read my journal entries, and God had answered my prayers for help, heard my cries, and comforted me with bible verses. So i know, when i write, its for me to be reminded and remember God's faithfulness, grace and power!
as i journaled this morning, God caused me to be reminded, to remember and re-experience Him and His presence. God reminded me of Psalms 23 and 27:1.
psa 23 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
psa 27:1 The LORD is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?
they speak so true of what i am feeling and going through now! Feels like i'm walking through the valley of the shadow of death (which also means the darkest valley), this period of my life seems like the darkest moment.. almost everything seems to be falling apart--i fell sick too. i am stressed about ministry, work and family. nv knew stress could be so damaging to one's health. i also really overestimated my body, underestimated stress and neglected rest. haa..kinda rhyme ya? lol..thank God i still have my sense of humor! ya this period is going be tougher to get through, but as i was praying desperately, telling God how desperate and helpless i felt, God did not say much, except for the verses and His peaceful presence. I was crying for a while and went over to look out of the window. Thinking perhaps the cold night breeze would make me feel better. Alas! i remembered there is not much breeze on the 3rd storey, in humid Sg, and at that time of the hour in my house (actually from my house we dont exeperience much wind! cos 3rd storey only). So i felt quite stupid standing there thinking there was gonna be some cool breeze.
but my thought turned to asking a sign from God for wind. I said something like God, if there is wind means your presence is here too. If you are here, please bring some wind. A breeze.
less than 5 seconds later, i felt the breeze on my face. It was a gentle and soft breeze.
Then i asked God for a longer breeze of he was indeed there in the night with me.
The breeze continued.
i did felt silly to ask for such a sign! yet at the same time i know God totally has the power to command the wind! Nothing is impossible for God! what i wanted to know was if God would show His presence through the wind through the simple desperate little silly thought of mere woman by the name of serene. so as the breeze continued, tears of joy and relief just flowed down my cheeks. joy and relief for i know God is there with me in the night--in fact not just bcos he caused the breeze, but bcos His Word (bible) said that He will never leave us nor forsake us. tears of guilt also flowed as i was angry at myself for doubting God is there, for forgetting that God is near! but God had been there all along! silly me. really "what is man that you are mindful of him?" yet God cares for mere man bcos He is a personal, relational and loving God! =)
so this morning, i felt so much better and able to face a new day. things are really bad, circumstances not encouraging, and work alot! yet, feeling God in the night breeze gave me renewed strength and hope to persevere on. i know just as the Lord has brough me through previous storms in my life, he will bring me and family through again this time. =)
all glory to God! Praise the Lord!
indeed, GOD IS GOOD ALL the time! and ALL the time GOD IS GOOD! (my senior pastor's fave slogan)
the grey clouds have not parted but i caught a glimpse of light.
Serene, 25, Christian
a sinner saved by God's grace.
a beloved child of God.
a social worker (youth).
a daughter.
a sister to 2 younger siblings.
Your Love
"This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." -1 John 4:10
Loves n Adores
*God; the Father, Son Jesus and Holy Spirit
*Family; Tan
*Church; Grace Assembly of God
*My close friends
*My cell group; AHH (After His Heart)
*Youths
*Missions
*Children
*Good food, Chocolates and Ice-cream!
