i feel as if i have lost all self confidence and trust in my own abilities. at work, sometimes i dont even know if what i said makes sense. what others seems to do with ease, i find myself unsure and confused. not able to focus. feels tired easily. i love and enjoy my work as a youth worker very much.
but i know something is wrong with me these days. not focused enough at work. so lost at work. gets easily discouraged and upset. what's happening? i seem to have retreated into my own world, own shell, wanting to get away from everybody else.
i guess i am really affected by things at home thats why.
quarrelled with my brother over the TV and handphone again... its always these 2 things. the other "hot" topic would be his studies. but this time round, it was serious. we have been having a cold war since sat. i didnt talk to my brother cos he did something which was really off tangent. unless he apologise, i will not budge. I feel that he needs to take responsibility for his own actions. i hope he admits his fault. i cannot accept his inappropriate behaviour. looks like this cold war will last quite a while cos he's not talking to me either.
another upsetting thing is the divorce got complicated. . i dunno what i can do or should do. i m concerned about what will happen to us. dunno if we are able to keep our roof. its bad. its worrying. and yet i dunno what to do. totally at a loss. dunno how i should comfort mum too. how can i lessen her burden? i know i am of no help to her cos i am not the problem solver type, not the person who knows how to manage these things rationally and wisely. emotions always override my objectivity. its one of my great weaknesses.
havent been doing quiet time lately too.. too troubled to be still.. too unsettled..dunno where to start. dunno when i'll hear God again.
so lost..dunno what it takes for me to find the direction again. when will i regain myself?
Labels: feeling very grey.
