I am now doing an intership with my church- Grace Assembly of God, which started officially yest, 1st Sep and will be for a period of 6 months. Like what Ps Ron said today during the Combined Leaders' Meeting, internship for a few of us is a sign of maturity; a natural progression. I think for most of you who know me and my family situation, would find my decision to intern as surprising or even at an inappropriate timing. For myself, i never thought i would eventually intern with church. It started as an career alternative, later one of the career options. In between, there was a lot of considerations. It is so ironic lor... i rem telling Josiah and my couz Poh Ling, i would not take up the intern cos the pay is low and not sufficient for me to support myself and my family. I even said i would be selfish if i take up the internship at the expense of my family's interests. I rationalised that my family needed my income and i would really be selfish if i take up this internship. I thought really hard about this. I weighed the merits and demerits of taking this internship. It was really tough. I struggled constantly trying to reach a decision. At first i thought there is no harm in pursuing what i like...until i saw his facial expression. It hit me hard when i saw the look on his face. Though no words were said, i sensed that look was one of disapproval...telling me " do u know what u are doing? how's your family going to get by?" it was hard facing up to this. Yes i admit these are all legitimate and valid reasons.. I keep askin myself " Am I being selfish if i choose to intern?"
and bcos i believe the answer is yes,I couldn't bring myself to take up the internship.
I told myself No.
I told Josiah and Poh Ling i wouldn't.
but the keen desire to take up this internship never died down..
I wanted to, but i had to say No to myself so many times.
then, one day..on the bus, as i was reading Evangelism by Fire by Reinhard Bonnke, and a truth he mentioned reasonated so loudly in my mind ; "The Gospel is eternal, but we haven't eternity to preach it....We have only as long as we live to reach those who live as long as we live."
"we have only as long as we live to reach those who live as long as we live."
this gripped me so tightly and i became convinced - it is now or never for me.
now to serve God or later?
i was very sure- i want to give my now to God.
and giving my "now" to Him would most directly be in the form of internship.
so that's how i decided against all my NOs to say YES to internship.
seriously now i still dunno how i will get by with the meagre intern pay i received each month.
i have HUGE doubts regarding my own ability to manage the money wisely and sufficiently.
hmmm...and James C put it v bluntly "like dunno where your next meal is coming from.."
although i dont like to think so pessimistically...but i know how it feels to go hungry.
and i feel that i have to ask myself this question : do i trust that God will provide during my internship even when i haven't seen it happen?
that's where faith has to come in.
