i couldnt get to sleep..another sleepless night. i am really a night person..sheeezz..dont think i like that cos it means my bio clock will be very different from most. that can be a hassle or...
well i din come online to blog about my bio clock..
dunno why my mind like to do a lot of reflection only in the night..harlow..brainy, i cant sleep if u are so active! so well, since i cant get to sleep now..i thought i can blog abt what is going on in my brainy...
earlier on i was reading a book...(is that the reason why my mind is so active and refuses to shut down?) ya..i was reading a book by Rita Bennett on Emotionally Free. this book talks about how we can let God come and heal our past hurts and the various accounts of different people who have experienced God's healing in their emotional hurts and how they are set free by God to love and to forgive. It was so well written and poignant that i just couldnt put the book down! even as i read the experiences of man and woman who shared about how God healed them of their hurts, i am reminded of the times in my life where God came and comforted, assured and healed me of my emotional hurts. Certainly, Jesus isnt just a God who is able to heal the external, He is also able to heal the internal! Afterall, Jesus specialises in saving souls! This book also defines the differences between spirit, soul and body. It goes on to define that soul is that part of us which is "psychological nature: emotions,, intellect and will-my feelings, my thoughts, and my desires and drives." And what's interesting to note is "If you have received Jesus, you are a member of the Kingdom. You are in! Your spirit has been saved, rescued. Your soul has been saved for eternity also, but it needs to go on being saved everyday, as it listen to the Spirit of God, growing stronger, defeating Satan's attacks." It continues "So it is the soul, or psychological nature, that needs healing from the hurts of the past."
woa..suddenly i was enlightened..and remembering my previous post abt spiritual oppression, i am now getting some answers..
and as i reflect on my own journey with God, i have also on many occasions experienced God helping me with my emotional hurts. Now everything makes more sense.. and yes i am really nothing without Jesus. Without Jesus, i would still be living in my Hurt and Fearful Child. Without Jesus, i would still be living in anger and bitterness. Without Jesus, i would still be that low-self esteem and insecure person. Without Jesus, i would never know what it feels like to be a winner. (its true! since young, i have never known how it is like to win. I never win in relays, never win prizes at luck draws, never won anything in school worthy of praise, never win at any card games i play, never win at any blackjack during CNY, i ALWAYS LOSE) yes, it was very sad. So my relatives think that i am cursed or something...super suay they called it. So i grew up never knowng what it is like to win. And u could probably imagine how pathetic my self-esteem was. Cos of this, i begin to feel and think like a loser. I knew i would lose even before i played anything. It got worse if my team loses, i would think it was bcos i was in that team. That bad. When i accepted Jesus in my life, things start to change. I started winning, literally! For the very first time, i truly experienced what it feels like to win. I started to win at games, started to get "lucky" as most call it. Of cos, i didn't win everytime, but i began to see that i was winning more than i was losing! And my self-esteem rose together with my self-confidence. Indeed, without Jesus, who am i ? I am nothing! And i am really grateful to God for all these "wins" bcos they really boosted my self image and confidence. Most importantly, when others have brought me down and think that i cant amount to anything great, God tells me something else- "With Me, you can." And that is how God slowly healed my low self-esteem and led me to believe in myself. If there is one person cheering on for me as i journey this life, it would have to be Jesus. And He is the loudest.
His cheers brought me to where i am today. Jesus believed in me enough to give up his life. everything i didn't think i could do or achieve, God says "i know you cant do this by yourself, let me help you."
and i am forever changed by this truth.
the truth of the love of Jesus.
indeed, i am nothing without Jesus.
I love Jesus deep down in my heart!!!
