i guess i was really bo liao..i spent close to an hour reading someone else's blog- someone i dont even know! heh...i never knew a stranger's life would arouse my interest so much...well i guess i was really bo liao...
...but her blog really captivates me cos she has what i do not have..yes..i envy so much.
REALITY CHECK---> i am not her.
there is a lot of truth to say that in r/s, gals r usually the ones who get the shorter end of the stick. i say usually, not always. i think it is bcos gals usually invest more of themselves and their emotions and time in r/s. i am not saying guys dont.. but gals feel more..thats why they will feel hurt more.
all gals want to love and be loved by that special someone in their lives..
and when they are not...well..it is almost unbearable..
dont really want to talk abt matters of the heart again..i realised i've mentioned it 3 x already this week. its an issue i am quite helpless about..so i shant be presumptous and talk so much abt it.
i went to visit XY at the place she is staying currently yest. And i really think it is quite fun to stay away from home! i can imagine it is such an adventure-without the prying eyes of parents, away from noisy siblings, and moving into a totally new env with so many things to explore! Woa! Even though still on little red dot island, but it is a totally fresh experience! I believe staying away also teaches independence, wisdom, financial managment, how to manage/maintain a home and to cherish what our pa and ma has done for us! Living outside brings us away from our familiar comfort zones and live-in necessities. Living outside- a time when we most probably learn to live without- without much of our comfort. That's a sure way to grow up, isnt it? heh...just talking abt it, i have this urge to also stay outside! i'm not saying this out of rebellion agst my family or angst...i am serious. I believe learning to live like that will make me a better person. probably yes i can expect more bumps than excites, but maybe i will learn to grow up..to mature into the person i nv knew i could be. perhaps testing of my limits would bring me to a new level of understanding myself. stretching myself could be the start of discovering the me i nv knew.
sometimes, i secretly wished i was more than who i am now. i wished that i could be:
more confident
more brave
more sporty
take myself and others less seriously
more wise in relationships
really mean what i say and do it
less rash
whine more- so i dont always have to hide inside my shell and cry.
be more concerned about my family and not my own problems
more discerning when making decisions or evaluation
more conscientious when i was in school! -i relished skipping lessons but i also regretted skipping them. I let my As flew too easily..
more loving towards my family and close friends- they mean more to me than any possessions.
always walking close with God. -i always like to stray away..till it gets too hard and i cant handle it..
the person i wished i am was never me.
me was never quite the person i thought i would turn out to be.
i'm feel once again that sense of helplessness
that creeps in everytime when i feel so alone
i am upset i cannot do anything to change anything
yet all i am able to do
i delay in doing
Lord,show me what this is all about
what am i always hoping for what i do not have
and why am i not contented with what you 've not chosen to give
why do i always resort to my own way?
when i know deep down inside
You're the one who really cares
and You wouldnt leave me alone to face
this ardous road i'm on
Lord, forgive me for the wrong turns i've made
i always overlook your waring signs
and insist on turning into the Restricted Zone
Now i am inside yet i cant see anything here
i cant find my way out
and I am missing the light
i am waiting for nothing, for no one
Its empty here
Lord what should i do?
Why dont i learn?
By right, i should remember all the right turns
And now i find myself
At the Restricted Zone
Will i choose right for the one last time?
