if there is one person i could possibly hate a lot, it is U. i guess i always step on ur foot. and even when i think i have not, u think that i had. my defense would be nothing in the sight of all ur nasty worrds. so, if there is one person i could possibly hate, it is U. for all u have done, i could very possibly hate u. i dont think u are a nasty person. i guess u are just someone who have desensitised all ur senses and emotions to become someone other than ur real self. u devoid urself of any feelings that might make u more vunerable, more humane. u avoid a greater being who tells u what u need. it is as if u dont give a damn about anything, not even urself.
i question myself bcos of what u do.
went through some down moments recently which made me think hard about the person i am and the God i serve. some really difficult questions came to mind. i couldnt understand why things happened the way they do. and i asked this bcos i believe all things happen for a purpose. hmmm...and i still cannot figure them out! its frustrating.
i often have people say nice things about me...and also nasty things. sometimes i could not understand why i was the recipient of such mean things. am i a such a mean person that one had to resort to using such degrading and mean words? i often asked myself. it hurts when someone says such mean things about u. yet i could do nothing. i mean what could i possibly do? draw up a defense? i have learnt to break down all my defense, cos i know defenses are built up by pride and ego. so, hurt i should feel when i forgo pride and ego. and when i 'm down on my knees hurting, my prayer is often "Lord help me see what u see. help me forgive." and for those i have hurt, "Lord forgive me."
how often have i come to ur throne of grace with tears
knocking at heaven's door
seeking for answers
yet found none
but u gave me ur assurance and ur peace
To trust u
That u know
to follow u
to keep doing good
to cling on
to ur word
to rely on
ur grace.
even if the sky falls today
i'll know u'll be here
to hold me.
even if the sky falls today
i'll know u'll hold me.
so let the sky fall.
each time i run astray, i break God's heart. each time i run astray, i break God's heart.
