i grew up in a Taoist family. was the eldest daughter and have a younger sister and brother. both my parents were devout Taoists. My father's family were all Taoists too, and were very involved in temple worship, organising the Hungry Ghost's Festival and believed in mediums. I remember as a child, i followed my parents to these rituals, took part in these rituals, as they were part of my life and thus natural for me.
as a child in primary school, i was often quiet but was a stubborn and rebellious child. not surprisingly, i was always punished by my mum. my growing up insecurities, fascination with the dark and spiritual realm of ghosts and vampires and times of indignation after being punished by my mum made me a very insecure, timid girl with very low-self esteem. i was also often taunted in school because i was the shortest in class.
i had a comfortable life (monetary), but i often felt lonely and sad.
i first heard about Jesus and the gospel at a Christmas Party when i was in JC1. My cousin invited me there. It was then that i first got to know friends from his church. It was there that i heard a lot about the meaning of Christmas and Jesus from Anna, a girl who shared the gospel with me and my sister. when she asked if my sister and i wanted to receive Jesus, we declined, citing family's objection and our Taoist affliation.
After my A'levels, for the 1st time in my life, i was told by my mum to find a part-time job to support myself because my father's business has failed. They needed me to support myself.
The realisation that struck me was so hard to swallow. My pride(ego). My dad. Money. Job. Work. From there, everything spiraled down. we downgraded to a 3 room flat. Pocket money was cut back for us. money became an issue of conflict in the family. i felt so pressed by all the adjustments and as the eldest in the family, the pressure was great. i did not know where to start, how to face my friends and how to lead my life from there. I had never done any housework before, much less...any work.
By then during JC2, my friend asked me along to church services and i went along because i liked the songs sung there. I did not feel the need to convert and did not dare tell my father because he was strongly against the idea of going church.
i eventually found a job at a local departmental store....and thought, finally things would settle down, for a while.
In july 2003, the year i was about to enter university, i was told that my perents did not have the means to support my university education. They did not tell me i may not be able to study in the U. Instead, i saw the possibility of that happening very likely, very real. I really thought i would have to give up my uni study, after getting good grades in my A'levels. after so much i worked for to get a place there?
I was very upset. Why did this have to happen to me? i felt so sad, pressured and lost. What should i do?
on a particular sunday after that, i went with my friend to attend the church service. During the songs, the pastor was talking about surrendering to God, all circumstances. As the congregation sang the song; "when the oceans rise and thunders roar, i will soar with you above the storm. Father you are king over the flood, i will be still, know you are God...." over and over again, i found myself crying. and crying. i was so sad! and yet, u mean i can soar with this God? that he is king over the flood? flood? my circumstances?
a gentle prompting and voice seemed to be calling me to surrender, surrender it all. feeling the huge burden on my shoulder, i was already on my knees, crying. i cannot bear the burden anymore....too heavy on my shoulder...too heavy...
"surrender, you are King over the flood..."
i couldn't bear the weight anymore and ...whispered to the air, "this God i surrender everything to you. everything to you."
Little did i know that, that was the day i opened up my heart to Jesus. The week after this, i said the sinners' prayer in the church service. I received Christ into my heart, my life.
After knowing Jesus, i found an inner peace and a joy i cannot conceive. I also learnt to be still and know that He is God. Life still have its fair share of problems and troubles, but i know, in my moment of extreme hurt and pain, this God took my burden, healed my hurts and gave me hope.
This God, is Jesus.
Now whenever i face any problems or difficulties, I know Jesus will bring me through. Jesus is alive! He has brought me through till today. He is the hope i look forward to living everyday. I know He will never leave me nor forsake me.
